Making friends with broken mirrors

This is how you raised me
You didn't raise a modest girl
You raised someone who hates her body
Who looks at bear arms
And hates every inch
Until it can be covered
covered with the lies you spat from your own lips
You raised a girl who doesn't know herself
Who just stands in the corner
alone
Because that's where you raised her to be
Two things can come from strict modesty
A rebel teen who has no rules
Or someone who made friends with depression
Who walks hand I'm hand with anxiety
Who never showed her feelings truly
Who never let you in
Who has nothing left inside
Are you proud of me?
After all
This is how you raised me.

honesty

Honesty was never easy
If I tell you will it let me free
If I keep it in will you let me be?

alone or just invisable
I have found time and time again
you are never truly the only one or
alone
Humans are blind in many ways
at different times to different things
when feelings hurt the most
but there's always someone right there with you
Someday you will see it and just
Smile

lazy

It feels so hard to move
Like I have been pinned to the floor
My head screams out
Wanting to do what you expect
Wanting to get those perfect grades
But I feel so
Empty
Muscle constricted
As I plead with myself
To just keep on going
But I give up
Another day has passed
The clock tick on
Here comes the disappointed faces
I guess you could say
I tired

my barrier

It swirls out around me
It presses in on my arms
May hair is loose in the wind
It's like a personal shell
An exterior me
That you know
Keeping you from knowing who I am
You lost that right
When you first walked away
Then I never let you back in
My walls are strong now
After so long
You thought you had me in your clutches
But just added to the barrier
I know you'll try to keep breaking me down
Until I am just a pile of rubble for you to step on
But for now
I am strong

Time turns on while we sit still

time keeps ticking on
and we don't realize
how much we change
a day is like an hour
and an hour a millennia
and eternity that we never see the end of
an end that never comes is always speeding closer
we're all different
yet the same
Every time the sun rises it's different
yet we keep winding down the same old road
Every choice changes the course
but it seems to make no difference
until one day
you look back
and see how it was
I feel so old until I am young
I feel so young until it's too late
we keep on waiting for the day
and realize it was years ago
the earth spins faster
while we wait for it to move
when will we realize
close your eyes
turn around
and a million years have passed

the masks that line this wall
I have many mask on my wall
I take them out to clean them
So they can be shiny and new for you
No-one has ever seen them all
Some by chance
And some because I keep them locked away
They seem to keep me company
When I am alone
Fake smiles
Expressions I wish I could erase
But they fooled you
It took me so long to carve every detail
It all happened so fast
I looked up
In my dark hall filled
It always happens
Nothing is forever
Eventually the masks fall

like them
I'll never be like them
Sitting there
Sharing smiles
Eyes darting to that thing in the corner
Some exotic creature for them to ignore
A laugh erupts
Never seemed to drown out the darkness hanging over her
Wanting to share a smile
Dreaming about sitting there with them
They don't see the hurting eyes
Staring out
Waiting for you to look her way
I'll never be like you
I'll never be loved
Laugh on
Her life never mattered

left empty
Tired eyes
time stopped turning
until it mattered
then I forgot
it all went wrong
my brain is spinning
like the static on a broken tv
trying to get a message to go through
trying to not disappoint you
alone
while you live your best life
and I am left behind to clean up your messes
I lost the will long ago
now I am suffocated

isolation slowly melting
It feels so strange
To have someone
That doesn't cast me aside
That tells me I am worth it
I can't tell you
How much it lit up my world
When out eyes met
And you smiled
Gave me a hug
And said it was going to be all right

faded pictures of my self hate

I look back at old pictures
The memories of a me
Someone I lost long ago
And I see a girl
Who didn't smile
Because she hated her teeth
And who looks back later
And sees the hair out of place
Instead of the place she stands
The clothes she wares
Instead of the life she lived
Hate fills her bones
Instead of joy
A tear falls
And stains the picture
Another broken memory
It matches my broken heart
But every wound needs healing
So now I face the camera and
Smile