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21 Reviews

Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 21
Sat Jan 17, 2009 4:08 pm
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RGallagher says...

Alright, in order to boost my review number and give back to the YWS community, I'm starting a review thread for myself!

Please tell me the title, link, genre and the brief overview of your piece. Please also tell me how harsh you want me to be. I can be general and comment on the overall piece or I can be nitpicky and do a line-by-line critique. I generally focus on realism, spelling, grammar, fluidness, description and if anything in the piece makes me go "WTF?!" (bad WTF not good WTF, though I'll prob tell you the good WTF too.) Feel free to request multiple chapters too! Though don't expect to get 10 chapters all within an hour unless they're really short. And try not to request a chapter in the middle of a piece. (Chapter 10) unless it can stand alone.

Example of a harsher critique: post478083.html?highlight=#478083


Me likes:

-Romantic (Sometimes)
-Historical (Sometimes)

Me no likes:

-Fan-fiction (If I'm not familiar with the series. Feel free to ask and if I'm familiar with it, I'll do it.)

Prolugue By Asxz
Prologue: Killer By break~my~heart
Just a Sunset with you By break~my~heart

In Queue:
Chapter 1 part 1 By Asxz
Chapter 1 part 2 By Asxz
Last edited by RGallagher on Wed Jan 28, 2009 5:23 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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216 Reviews

Gender: Female
Points: 9593
Reviews: 216
Thu Jan 22, 2009 7:10 pm
asxz says...

I have a piece in Action/Adventure, its the first chapter in my book, and it's the first book I've posted on YWS. Here are the parts, and the prologue:

Chapter 1 part 1
Chapter 1 part 2

Could you please be as harsh as you can, but no comments on leaving you in the dark please, I already know that! You can post your review in the part 2 thread if you want, or do an individual one for all, whatever floats your boat!

-Thank you!

GENERATION 29: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

Writing is 3% talent and 97% not being distracted by the internet

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216 Reviews

Gender: Female
Points: 9593
Reviews: 216
Thu Jan 22, 2009 7:21 pm
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asxz says...

Sorry, dead links :(
Prolugue topic42174.html
Chapter 1 part 1 topic42365.html
Chapter 1 part 2 topic42409.html

GENERATION 29: The first time you see this, copy it into your sig on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

Writing is 3% talent and 97% not being distracted by the internet

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53 Reviews

Gender: Female
Points: 1823
Reviews: 53
Sun Jan 25, 2009 3:36 am
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break~my~heart says...

yay! i love reviews (weird, huh?)

ok, here'r the links: Prologue: Killer (edited)

Just a Sunset with you

in other fiction....
also, be extremely harsh :wink:

thanks, til then...

Alone- alone- all- all- alone
Upon the wide, wide sea-
And God will not take pity on
My soul in agony!
- Mary Shelley

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21 Reviews

Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 21
Wed Jan 28, 2009 5:20 pm
RGallagher says...

*stabs break~my~heart repeatedly*

Please read guidelines before asking for reviews.... It clearly says under "Does NOT like" POETRY. I suck with poetry critiques. Anyway, There's both done.... *grumbles*

Yeah, I went a little out of order but asxz, I did critique your prologue, I'll finish the rest soon :x

RG Prompts! New prompts posted daily!

Need a critique? Post here!

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69 Reviews

Gender: Female
Points: 3549
Reviews: 69
Thu Sep 29, 2011 3:31 am
Butterfly18 says...

Title of the novel I'm working on is, First Light. And it's Science Fiction.

Overview of the whole story put as simply as possible:

It's set on a pre-apocalyptic Earth in the year 2185. The Protagonist, Ela, is part of a secret establishment that trains covert soldiers. She and the rest of the 'students' are genetically engineered humans who've lived on the campus their entire lives, training and learning. The HSCO (name of the establishment) stands for Humanitarian Survival Contingent Operation, but that's not addressed later into the story.

I'm in the process of writing the second draft. I'm up to writing chapter 14. I only plan on posting the first three chapters online. As for the reviews, I'd appreciate if you had the time to review Chapters 1 and 2.
Chapter 1: viewtopic.php?t=87949
Chapter 2: viewtopic.php?t=88180

I would love you to be as harsh as you possibly can be, line by line and overall, whatever. I have a thick skin and no matter how harsh a critique, I always find positives and useful advice. So tear into them. Would appreciate it so much.


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180 Reviews

Gender: None specified
Points: 771
Reviews: 180
Sat Oct 01, 2011 6:28 pm
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Cspr says...

Title: Haze

Link(s): Chapter Five: viewtopic.php?t=88052
Chapter Six: viewtopic.php?t=88054

Genre: realistic horror, dark/urban fantasy.

Brief overview: Haze is a complicated book; it goes from then, a time several months in the past, to the present and neither are very good. It focuses around the character Jacksin, a sixteen-year-old guy with a pretty normal life, if you ignore the fact his parents are icy probable sociopaths (aka, business-people) who divorced and left him to stay with his aunt and uncle while they finish working things out, or whatever exactly they're up to. At the same time, something is beginning to go wrong in the neighborhood. Starting with Jacksin and his friends Blaze and Booker finding a man in a pit being mutilated by dogs, it leads to children and teenagers disappearing. All in town get a front-row view to watch the proceedings, but some get closer than others, some with the sensation of world-sized guilt. All in all, their very humanity lies at risk as a monster stalks, waiting to claim his/her next victim; as a poison that seeps slowly.

I'll take any sort of review. Be aware, however, a lot of the chapters are in first draft mode. That is, I've proof-read them and checked their spelling, but a tired writer's eyes don't catch everything and I know I have to re-work a few things. However, I would like to continue to move ahead, just with an awareness of what I need to fix in the next cycle of writing, if you can understand. Otherwise, you can be harsh; just be aware I know it's not perfect, I just want to be notified of imperfections and I will heed warnings. Basically, I'd like input on how in-character the characters are throughout (because horrifying stuff changes people--but certain people only change in some ways), how good the description is, how well the plot works, etc. Big stuff like that, mostly; grammar errors if you notice them.

Otherwise? I'd love it if you were to review chapter five and chapter six (which I linked to) instead of, say, chapter one because I already have seven reviews on it--and I think I have a good idea of what people think of it. Haze is a time-wimey trippy bit of madness mystery mixed with some old Norse myths and other weirdness and, as it jumps around, you can practically pick up anywhere. I'd prefer if it was read from theoretical cover to theoretical cover, but I understand that you probably don't want to slog through four previous chapters just to get to what I need reviewed. However, if you could do that--maybe not review the earlier chapters, but read them to get a gist of the rest of the book? I'd love that. I'd be willing to wait a while for a review on the later chapters if you were able to do that. Then you could better get the big picture stuff.

Anyway, I'm practically writing a novel here, so I'll shut up. Maybe think about it or tell me if you can't? Thanks.
My SPD senses are tingling.

Who overcomes by force, hath overcome but half his foe.
— John Milton (Poet)