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The Poets



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28 Reviews



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Points: 871
Reviews: 28
Tue Jan 24, 2012 11:36 pm
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thetraveler says...



A poem is delicious
Satisfying and nutritious
To all whose attention is captured by thee.
But do we think of who wrote it?
No, no we just quote it
And say their meaningless names
Not who they were, are, or ever wanted to be.
These people think differently
About what we live, feel, and see,
Putting to words
What may never have really been.
Who are these people?
What`s the benefit the world gets?
A whole bunch of writing and words comes from
Us, the POETS!
"Elementary, my dear Watson"
:D :D :D
Spoiler! :
SPOILED!!!
  





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28 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 871
Reviews: 28
Tue Jan 24, 2012 11:55 pm
thetraveler says...



Does anyone like this? What do you think about it? :?:
"Elementary, my dear Watson"
:D :D :D
Spoiler! :
SPOILED!!!
  





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144 Reviews



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Points: 11482
Reviews: 144
Wed Jan 25, 2012 4:20 am
GoldenQuill says...



Hi Traveler! It's Quil--woah.. uh, it's Zly here, just got my name changed, still getting used to it myself.

Let's dive in then, shall we?

I liked this. It was quite good. However, your structure changed a bit. In the beginning you had two lines that rhymed to each other, then one line that didn't, and then so and so forth. Then you changed it at:

And say their meaningless names
Not who they were, are, or ever wanted to be.


The transition was awkward. You continue to change structure throughout the poem, and it's actually a bit confusing.

However, I loved this poem for the subject and how adorable it was. It was a good poem, just the structure changes threw me off!

Keep writing, and if you need more reviews, visit my thread or PM me.

Love & Blessings,
Zly
formerly ZlyWilk

Finally achieving my dreams. Dive into a unique horror story.
  





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336 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 805
Reviews: 336
Thu Jan 26, 2012 1:01 am
Jas says...



Hi,

This was cute. The rhyme scheme worked well and the ending was great. Only suggestion is to break the poem up into two stanzas and take out the capitalization at the end of the poem.

Good job!

Grade: B+

~Jas
I am nothing
but a mouthful of 'sorry's, half-hearted
apologies that roll of my tongue, smoothquick, like 'r's
or maybe like pocket candy
that's just a bit too sweet.

~*~
  





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28 Reviews



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Points: 871
Reviews: 28
Thu Jan 26, 2012 3:14 am
thetraveler says...



Thanks so much guys! I guess that you're right about the rhyming thng, I'll work to get that fixed soon:)
:)
Thanks again,
Traveler:D
"Elementary, my dear Watson"
:D :D :D
Spoiler! :
SPOILED!!!
  





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9 Reviews



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Points: 1312
Reviews: 9
Fri Jan 27, 2012 2:36 am
SerenityAmour says...



Hi there,

I really enjoyed this poem. It was wonderfully creative. I think you gave it the perfect length, because when you really read to hear the speaker's voice, you get the idea that the speaker just wanted to throw out a quick thought that's often disregarded. If that's what you were going for, I thought that was great. I also loved the language in the very beginning!

The only thing I do want to point out was that the rhyme scheme got a little fuzzy. I loved it at the beginning, but right around the line "And say their meaningless names", it got a little unbalanced. The reader could still see the rhyme scheme after that line, but it didn't flow quite as smoothly.

Other than that, great poem. Very well written. Hope this was helpful :)
The Lord informed me that he has plans for me;
Plans for me to prosper, and not to fail.....
With this in mind, I embrace each day with
aspirations of being all that I can be in order
to serve and please He who created me.

_Serenity&Amour_
  





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28 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 871
Reviews: 28
Fri Jan 27, 2012 9:09 pm
thetraveler says...



Thanks a ton! I agree tha the rhyme scheme changed a bit around the middle
"Elementary, my dear Watson"
:D :D :D
Spoiler! :
SPOILED!!!
  








Anne felt that life was really not worth living without puffed sleeves.
— L. M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables