Young Writers Society

This is a short piece I wrote after seeing a TV programme about the first of the Bali bombings. I wondered what on earth could drive a person to be a suicide bomber and how they would feel about it. So this happened.

Bomb

A blinding rage; an all-consuming flame,
This burning passion that
Devours my reason and my intellect –
It pulses in my blood and stretches
Through my body, so that
My tendons become wires, and
My bones become a fuse,
While my heart ticks down the seconds
And my sweat has turned to ice –
A sublime taste of fear and
Fervour on my lips
As my life explodes
Into a million pieces.

I like this a lot! There is a nice tension about it until the very end. I wouldn't change a thing!

wow. tension, yes. it made me read this really fast, which adds to the tension. good job. agree with skye-don't change anything!

Thanks - I'm glad you liked it I was hoping to give it a feeling of tension so its good that you saw that. Thanks again for your reviews, happy holidays!
~bubble

This is cool.

The pace is quick, which leads it to a conclusion, the eventual explosion, which creates a good source of suspense.

I love the first line - A blinding rage; an all-consuming flame . Lovely.

The chosen words are just great, I especially enjoyed the middle lines, My tendons become wires, and/My bones become a fuse/While my heart ticks down the seconds/And my sweat has turned to ice Very neat.

And a great ending too. Really good!

Thank you Firestarter (btw, your current avatar is very appropriate, lol)

*agrees*

I love this! I can feel the suspense, and imagine the feelings two different ways: Being an actual suicide bomber, or having something happen to you that completely destroys your life. Excellent!

Yes, exactly Crysi! Precisely what I mean to imply! [bows sweepingly] My work here is done

this was a really an amazing poem... i love this word choice in this, esoeciaally the comparison of your tendons becoming wires and bones becoming a fear. You really made it a tense poem..

Perhaps I've listened to too much Switchfoot, but blowing up into a million pieces wasn't all that original. I think you would more likely disintegrate than anything. :shrugs: I like it, but it could've done more for the reader. I like eye candy when I read my poems, and knowing what the poem was about was the only way I got that. I think it had some images, but my view was tainted from reading your disclaimer at top. I don't like words and phrases like "explode," "burning," and "blinding." Mostly cause I see them everywhere. I didn't get the tension as one of the commenters claimed, either. I just got a kind of unambiguous relief, in the best sense of the word. I wasn't relieved to be through or anything, I was just unambiguously relieved that it was over. I can see the tension, but it's a false tension. Because you give your poem nowhere else to go, any form of tension vanishes from the poem. I don't know, do what you will. I've no further comments. Good day.