Young Writers Society

For all of you who dont know what Carnation milk is: its powder milk which you just put in water. Sooooo here's a hilarious rhyme.


Carnation milk is the best of all

no tits to pull, no hay to haul

no buckets to wash, no shit to pinch

just poke a hole in the son-of-a-bitch.

Erm, this is... odd. Maybe not good odd, either. I didn't particularly like this, especially of the language it used. Let's see if we can child-proof this.

dogs wrote:Carnation milk is the best of all,

no tits pigs to pull milk, no hay to haul

no buckets to wash, no shit dung to pinch

just poke a hole in the son-of-a-bitchTry- you only need a single square inch.

Things I like:

-rhyme
-positivity
-quite funny
-brings up a good point


Things that weren't so hot:
-short
-not YWS friendly

This would be a lot easier to review if it were longer. Try to add a bit more. I can see potential in this, and it could be very good very easily. You just have to either make it kid-friendly or give it a rating. I like the second line especially. Please work on this- I can see you're a good author. You certianly have good vocabulary as well- I didn't even know what Carnation Milk was! So please, get back to me if/when you fix it. Thanks, see ya around!

~MilkNCookies

I agree with MilkNCookies that you should rate this, but I do love the poem. I really think you should expand on this. Describe how you make Carnation Milk. I have made it before and I know there really isn't much you do, but if you could describe and rhyme through your next stanza you would make the poem much better.

I really only have a problem with the second line, "no shit to pinch." I really don't get it. I live on a farm, and I have really never pinched shit. Unless I don't get your meaning. But, this brings me to another thing you could really elaborate on. We have to do many other things to take care of our cows. We have to give them shots, castrate them, dehorn them, and more. Very fun huh? But, it would give you more to expand on.

I wish I could help more,

A. S.

Locked. Plagiarized.

http://www.snopes.com/business/deals/carnation.asp