This sort of came out of nowhere, after a good 6 months of literally writing nothing due to lack of confidence. I just want general opinions on my writing style, tone, use of adjectives, and so on. Obviously not a finished chapter/piece. Please review!
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Cassie slumped against the wall, sweat pooling at her collar, panting as though she had run a marathon. Her throat felt as though sandpaper had been on the menu and as if her legs were not anchored by jeans, but by ball and chain.
Thrusting her hand into her pocket, she withdrew a marble sized quarter on a worn metallic chain. She dangled it in front of her face, chanting as softly as she could so as to not shred her throat further.
To anyone but Cassie, the language would have seemed to be a cross between Italian and French, not anything like the clipped British accent most were familiar with. Her voice took over the quiet and a blue haze swept over the shadows, emitting from the now orbiting coin.
Cassie’s head snapped to the sky and her body convulsed, the coin swinging faster still. The chanting had transfigured into a low rumble and the white of her eyes seemed to creep over the bronze iris that most shied from.
Audible footsteps clicked against the concrete alleyway and the strong scent of a foreign spice bit through the blue fog. Interrupting Cassie’s fit, the blue light ceased as though doused with water and the coin, no longer suspended by Cassie’s hand, collapsed and fell just as she did.
Pretend you’re unconscious, Cassie thought, biting down hard on her lip until she was met with the familiar metallic tang of blood. She felt tenderness in her hip where she had hit the ground and a sharp sting told her that the stitch on her cheek had reopened none too humbly.
Cassie lifted an eyelid briefly and spotted a woman now in a brisk hobble, moving toward her, worry clear through the aged lines of her face. The woman wore a brightly coloured sari that hugged her none too slim figure and her coffee skin highlighted the silver bracelets making a clatter on her arms.
“Poor girl! Sweet, innocent girl!” The woman spoke in a foreign accent and the smell of spice perfume grew sickening as she knelt down beside Cassie.
Attempting to lie still while a complete stranger is moving your limbs and checking your pulse wasn’t as easy as expected. Especially when the woman slipped a hand underneath her.
Cassie froze up. The discomfort of the coin’s chain digging into her side had been soothing. She had known where it was, and that it was safe. Now, the woman had slid it out from under her and was studying it closely, one hand patting Cassie’s head softly, the other holding the coin.
“Stupid girl!” The woman suddenly spat.
Cassie felt a sudden sting of pain as the woman yanked a clump of her hair and made her sit up. Blinking a few times, Cassie regained focus of her surroundings. The woman had almost black iris’ that were tinged with copper and a bulbous nose pressed to the tip of Cassie’s.
“You are a traitor, girl!” She snarled, her arched eyebrows crashing low. “Pathetic little being!”
Cassie attempted to pull away, but found her arms anchored by the woman’s steely grip.
“Let me go.” Cassie said it calmly; although confusion and distress had taken over to the point where she felt tears sting the back of her eyes.
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