Young Writers Society

I dreamt of them again last night.

They told me I didn’t have much longer.
I agreed with a grin and teethed at my tea cup
like the porcelain were bone and I were starving for marrow,
and broke it into my bloody mouth.

I am starving for it. Have been, for a while,
and last night I found out that these broken ribs
are curving in more and more like a bell jar,
about to snap.

They told me that it wasn’t so hard, dying. I went to the cemetery,
found a keeper and asked him about gravestones.
He gave me a brochure like I was buying a vacation,
and I thanked him and took flowers from one of the graves, smelled them all the way home:
heaven’s breath and roses.

I looked at the brochure at home; they had swatches of gravestone
like colors of wall paint for a living room or and office,
named things like Cobalt Heavens, Earthen Gray, Lullabye White.
I wanted cobalt until I saw what it looked like,
and decided that maybe Heaven wasn’t for me after all.
I picked White, and wondered if the name carved into the stone would sing me to sleep each night.

I went back the next day, and asked the man if cremation was better than being buried.
What does it feel like?
He gave me a look and said that the decision really depended on the loved one who I was “giving up to God”.
I told him I was the loved one, but sure as hell wasn’t loved.

I was just dying.

This poem put tears in my eyes. It was sad but in a beautiful way. The description was really good, and I enjoyed reading it to the very end. Just a few grammatical tweaks:
"heaven’s breath and and roses" just get rid of the second and. "Something to snap, soon."this sentience confused me a little, maybe you could add "something is going to..." that would make the sentience flow better and make more sense to the reader. Other than that you did a great job, and I loved this poem. Hope this was helpful for you.

Hey there.I thought this was really sweet in a sad and slightly depressing kind of way. I just noticed a couple things

I dreamt of them again last night.
They had Anna’s voice and Mark’s smile,
but they were underneath there somewhere,
hiding in those two blue irises of someone I thought I knew.

This one stanza has pretty much nothing to do with the rest of the piece, so when I read on, I was kind of expecting something about Anna and/or Mark, or at least someone with blue eyes. But when the rest of this was about the narrarator dying, I felt like the opening was switched with another poem's opening. So I guess what I'm saying is that if you're writing about something, make sure all the stanzas are about that thing or can be related to it in a not too complicated way. I still really like this though! ":D

This poem uses great imagery and has a strong emotional story. What I don't like, though, is the usage of rhyme (intentional all want) on only a couple of lines in the poem. This really throws out the structure of the poem. Also, the flow is quite a bit jarred, making it harder to read. Though I do congratulate you on a decent attempt at a very free verse poem because it is quite hard to keep a free verse poem nice and smooth.

This stanza seems a little out of place though. I see what you're trying to do, but I can't really identify what Mark and Anna have in relation to the narrator.

I dreamt of them again last night.
They had Anna’s voice and Mark’s smile,
but they were underneath there somewhere,
hiding in those two blue irises of someone I thought I knew.

This line is also out of place as it the simile used indicates that the cup is porcelain where in this line, you say it's glass.

and broke glass into my bloody mouth.

Here, you are missing 'to'.

I went the cemetery,

This needs fixing up.

heaven's breath and and roses

Other than that, a poem with good potential.
I hope this helps.