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Young Writers Society


Summer



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84 Reviews



Gender: Other
Points: 1707
Reviews: 84
Wed Aug 03, 2011 10:54 pm
HostofHorus says...



Author's Note: My summer is about to end, so I wrote this to both reflect on it, and wish it goodbye... Sigh... :(


Summer

The summer seemed to Swiftly go,
as Taylor sang her soothing tones.
While it passed I gained a crush,
from watching movies, with a Fanning blush.

Most of my days seemed to be spent,
at a softball field, hearing girls lament.
My friends went camping, but I stayed home,
to write my stories, and surf Google Chrome.

I wrote to my brother, who’s been gone for two years,
and laughed in his car, as I shifted it’s gears.
I went to Lagoon, and rode the coasters,
rode the peak slides, and became a nice bowler.

With three weeks to go, I’ll miss you summer,
because believe me… School is much dumber.
I’ll suffer the months as I wait for you,
and you continue the cycle for your next debut.


-HostofHorus
HostofHorus Author, Poet, Dreamer, and Expressionist.
http://JRSStories.com
Stories Poems © As of January 1st 2014

Need a review? Feel free to ask me! :)
  





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174 Reviews



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Reviews: 174
Wed Aug 03, 2011 11:27 pm
EliteHusky says...



and laughed in his car, as I shifted it’s gears

Correction: "it's" should be "its" as "it's" = it is.

Overall, I liked how you channelled your creativity to make this poem. As much as I believe school will be of use to anyone, I enjoyed the rhyming structure, especially when you rhymed home with Google Chrome. Very original, as this is the first time I have encountered a poem based on personal experiences so recently. Keep on writing as I could tell you put quite a bit of time in polishing this.

Sincerely,
Elitehusky
  





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Points: 1069
Reviews: 3
Thu Aug 04, 2011 9:02 am
DovesandHawks says...



Hey, I really liked this. You channeled your experiences quite well.
The summer seemed to Swiftly go,
as Taylor sang her soothing tones.

I thought this part was really clever because of the whole Taylor Swift thing. :)
In conclusion, I feel like I could have written this because I can relate to almost everything here, although there are obviously differences. Summer is coming to an end and school is around the corner, and we all dread it. Keep writing :)

Your memories will always stay with you, so make some nice ones so you can write some more nice poetry!
  





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424 Reviews



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Points: 8572
Reviews: 424
Fri Aug 05, 2011 6:47 pm
Demoness says...



Heei, I'm Demoness, here's a quick.. ehm, not review but something :P

Haha, aaow how sweet. A dedication to your summer! I liked it, it was a light and simple read! Have no nitpicks to come with so I'll just say! Eeeeh, NICE JOB

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness
"Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice." - Robert Frost
  





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Reviews: 425
Fri Aug 05, 2011 7:27 pm
Nate says...



I liked it. But be careful with the its versus it's! As EliteHusky pointed out, the "It's" in the second line of the third stanza should be "its." It's confusing, but the only time you ever use the apostrophe in "It's" is when you mean to say "it is." Even if you're using the possessive form, it's still "its."

I'd suggest changing "Swiftly" to "swiftly." I know it's a play on "Taylor Swift," but the capitalization in "Swiftly" is just distracting and doesn't flow right. I think people will get the reference even with just "swiftly."

The rhyming was pretty well done. It didn't sound forced, and it introduced a good, light mood to the poem.
  





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Fri Aug 05, 2011 7:34 pm
Gryffindor13 says...



I loved it! It was really creative! Really, really good job! There really isn't much to critique that others haven't so all I have to say is: WHAT A GREAT POEM! Loved it :)
  








Writing is my soul made tangible on paper.
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