Los Angeles

Jackie

I stand and shake my head, "It's fine, Nic. I've heard enough. When you feel like you can't look at other girls' a*ses, tell me."

I walk out but hesitate at the door, taking a deep breath. I grab Rayah's wrist and drag her out of the place as well, "We're going home."

She yawns and nods. I'm walking down the arena halls, people flashing pictures of us, but I really don't care anymore.

Nic

Nice one, Niccy. You knocked that one out of the park.

I groan and run a hand over my face. When I stand, I make an effort to trash up the room the best I can before walking out. Jace meets me in the hall, but takes a few steps back when he does, studying me cautiously.

"Someone just set your pants on fire or something?" he tries to joke. "You look pissed..."

Ignoring him, I get ready to go back on stage and try my best to forget everything that happened. I know that the rest of the show is going to suck though, or maybe I just know I'll make sure of that.

Jackie

I get to the car and she sits in the passenger seat, falling asleep almost immediatley. I start driving, trying not to cry but wishing that my mom had some kind of vision right now. Shaking my head of the thought, I try to clear him from my mind; but find I can't.

We get home and I set Rayah on the couch, turning the T.V on and drowning my thoughts in icecream, my phone beside me.

Nic

I don't give my best performance, and I find I don't care. Jace lectures me on the drive back to the hotel, but I don't listen. Our rooms are adjoined, so we don't part ways until I lock myself in the bathroom. After a shower, I lie down and face the ceiling.

My thoughts cloud, clear, and cloud again. I don't much like the confusion anymore.

Jace comes in after a while and sits on the couch a few feet away from me.

"So... you wanna talk about it?" he asks.

"Dude, if I wanted to have a heart to heart with you, I would have got a chick-flick and cried on your shoulder," I say, closing my eyes.

"It's just scaring me," he admits. "You're in this weird state of mind. The last time you were... you--"

"I don't want to talk about it," I interrupt.

And so he leaves.

Jackie

I realize I've eaten a whole carton so get another, sitting back down and staring at my phone. He doesn't call so I assume we're done, turning my phone over and taking a deep breath. A cloud fills my sight and I notice that my eyes are tearing up again. Just over him.

Nic

After a few moments, I fish my phone out of my pocket and stare at the number. I did promise, didn't I? Guess I should keep it, huh? I press call and hesitate before bringing it up to my ear. My eyes close again, and I find my throat swelling for some reason.

Suck it up, Nic. You're not nervous. You don't get nervous.

The dialtone hums in my ear, and I start to hate the sound of it. What do I even say?

Jackie

My phone start vibrating and it scares the living crap out of me. Once I compose myself, I look at the number and find that I don't have it as a contact. I glance around at Rayah before taking my phone into the guest room, sitting on the bed and staring at it for a few moments before answering. I slowly bring it up to my ear, taking a deep breath, "Hello?"

Nic

I don't know what to say right away when she answers, so I play it safe.

"Um, hey," I say.

I wince at the simplicity of the words, and rake my brain for something more. When nothing comes, I scold myself again and wait for her to respond instead. My mind wanders to what Jace had mentioned earlier, but quickly comes back to focus on her.

Nah, nah, Nic. Don't dwell on that.

Jackie

I reconize the voice and smile inwardly, "I knew you'd call. What's up?" I ask, sighing and playing with the bottom lace of my shirt. During the call, I add him as a contact in my phone and wait for his reply.

Nic

So that went better than expected.

I try not to get cocky and release a sigh of my own, keeping my eyes closed. My thoughts collect a bit more than usual, and soon I can form a proper response.

"Nothing really. I'm just lying here," I say. "I just... I guess I wanted to apologize again. I don't know why, but I keep wanting to do that around you. Don't get used to it, though. It feels really unnatural and makes me want to throw up."

I curse inwardly again.

"I mean..." I groan. "Just... is there a way you could save me from further humiliation?"

Jackie

I play with my wrist some more and take a deep breath, "Actually...Just come over. I have some things I want to show you that no one else knows about me. This is how you can show your commitment," I reply, just hanging up and not allowing him to argue. I hesitantly stand and make my way to my room, grabbing my guitar.

Nic

I stay where I am after she hangs up for a few seconds. With a deep breath, I slip my phone away and put on a jacket. I sneak out of the hotel without Jace knowing and take the Lambourghini to Jackie's house, which I surprisingly still know the way to. While I'm driving, I try to keep my mind collected and off of a certain thing I doubt ill be getting anytime soon.

I might actually have to work on this.

Sighing, I pull into the driveway and walk up to the porch. I think about ringing the doorbell but knock a few times instead. Before she comes to the door, I turn my phone off.

Jackie

I hear the doorbell ring and make my way downstairs, taking a deep breath before opening the door. I see him and flash a light smile and stepping aside. I don't want anyone to know he's here.

I bring him up to my room and lock the door behind us, sitting on the bed and grabbing a journal from underneath my pillow. I flip through the pages and land on a song I wrote tonight just for him, setting it in his hands without a word.

Nic

Well, this is odd.

In silence, I follow her upstairs and sit where she pulls me down to. I scan over the words on the page she sets in my hands and find that for the first time in a long time I'm not sure what to say.

Maybe just the first time in a few hours. I had issues with this before with her, didn't I?

When I glance up at her, I flash a half-smile.

"This is what you wanted to show me?" I ask. "What's it about?"

Jackie

"You," I respond, reading the words on the page as well.

"I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people,
And sometimes we change our minds.
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time.

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie,
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see.
Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down,
Now I don't know what to be without you around.

And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
But people are people,
And sometimes it doesn't work out,
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.

It's two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know it's not easy,
Easy for me.
It's two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know this ain't easy,
Easy for me.

And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.

Ohhh

I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to. "