A Letter to a Dead Man

Cars and Guitars- I usually like your stuff, but I have to say this one needs a bit more work if you're going to consider it for something. We get the feel that it's supposed to be cry-cry emotional, but it isn't. You use too many examples of things that we, as the readers, (since we don't know you very well) can't relate to. It's kind of confusing, like the stuff about 'even if you did steal his girlfriend'. Who's girlfriend? How'd this dead guy steal her? We need some help here! I think, that with a little bit of work, this poem could turn out to be really good. Maybe you could even get a little tears and sobs out of us, if you really worked at it. *lol* But that's stretching.

I think, since this poem was very personal, it must have been something you could relate to yourself. And I'm sorry if the scenario in the poem actually DID happen. But your readers need to feel the pain, too! This poem must have been very hard for you to write, I'll give you that. All I'm saying is it needs some spice, some flavor. There goes me and my lameo cliches.

well to answer your poll *I hate polls* it's not deep. Like sam said, it needs some spice. I didn't feel anything as I read it, just, "wow, another...weird poem." don't know how to critique this.

As per your request, I erased the poem and moved the topic.

Misty Lynn wrote:well to answer your poll *I hate polls* it's not deep. Like sam said, it needs some spice. I didn't feel anything as I read it, just, "wow, another...weird poem." don't know how to critique this.

Just for the record, I'm going to start a HUGE argument here, I can just feel it.

Look this is nothing personal Misty Lynn, I'm sorry this had to be directed at you, I really think you're a great member and I know you try to critique as often as you can, you really don't deserve this.
I've seen heaps of people here do this. In fact I daresay I've done it from time to time and not even noticed it. But we're all in the same boat here. We're all writers who want their work critiqued. We're all deep down expecting great reactions, even if we lie to ourselves and say we're not. I know. Maybe I'm too soppy, and too unbearably nice but to me

"wow, another...weird poem."

that is just a little heartless coming from another writer who also has work out there waiting for critiques. And I've seen other people say other things, that would have ripped me to pieces inside if they were directed at me. And I know I've said things like that to people, but I'm trying not to now. And I'm not saying don't say what you really think of the work, I'd just like to see it done a little ... nicer. Cleaner. Less "Honesty!"'s and more "this is how I think you can turn it in to something more special ...".
If someone had called my latest work "weird", I'd feel so completely terrible that I'd probably try to shut myself away from this site for as long as possible. Thats just me, not everyone has my thin skin. I know I'm going to have to toughen up if I really want to be a writer, so don't bother pointing that out. Because sooner or later someone's going to be seriouly hurt by something and leave. And possible even give up writing. So I'd want to look back and see that I tried to do something.

PS yes, I'm really like this, I barge into other people's fight [i]all the time[i/], just because can feel the pain as though it were mine. I have many enemies from doing things just like this, I'm the biggest female geek in my year level, I spend an entire year of my life (and I was really looking forward to being twelve too) in utter misery because I decided to put a stop to my best (and only) friend's other friend from bullying the only girl who I've ever known to be socially lower than me (which resaulted in a major war, and losing that only friend for a year or so afterwards). And for some reason I keep doing it. So please don't tell me to keep out of other people's buisness, I've tried it and it doesn't work for me.

Sorry to anyone I've seroiusly offened with this, I was just trying to help. And I'm especially sorry to Misty Lynn.

omg! this thing is so ancient! lol