Copperheads in my Kitchen

Great beginning, great ending. But if somebody had never read your story or if they simply knew nothing about you, they would have no idea what you were talking about. For instance:

I suspect my ex
would know better what to do—

But we are alone, we three.

I, who
has scarcely unpacked more than a life’s worth
of souvenirs in this new, unfamiliar kitchen
and they—well, who can say?

This is so unclear. Why are you talking about souvenirs? Obviously it stands for something, but what? What was the point of this deviation in such a dangerous moment?

The line breaks get a bit awkward. I'm not sure why you wanted everything to have three-line stanzas, as usually the sentances drag between. There is no rhythm, at least not a dectectable one, and so I see no need for it.

Otherwise, you express a lot here. It's all very arresting.

A very good little story. Not particularly poetic in the imagery, but symbollic.

to show the pale pink face of hunger.
But I don’t flinch, I simply wonder
if anyone will ever want me this much again.

V.V. good. A strong ending

It's choppy. I'm not going to point them all out, but there are a lot of places where you break a line or even a stanza and it jolts the reader. It doesn't work for this poem. I end up thinking, "what was that about?" because my mind got jolted about so much... I forgot what I read before that. Some good mataphors though, I must admit. Creates a better image, though your imagery still isn't that great as somebody already mentioned.

i like this. i like how it feels almost real...
i feel what you feel expecialy when i read this.
excellent poem, keep up the good work

The ending was very powerful, but I have to admit, through most of the poem, I didn't understand what you were talking about. That's not to say it wasn't well written; it was, but perhpaps the symbolism could be better explained. Otherwise, a good poem.

You know I love your work Incandescence. Seriously. I particularly liked the "S-ing" and "pale pink face of hunger" lines. Like astrangedbear said, it feels almost real. Wasnt too choppy to me either. Its great to read some of your stuff again

Hmmm, I quite liked this. Great images, (e.g. 'pale pink face of hunger') a strong theme throughout from beginning to end. Nice ending too.

Great poem. I think it was well written, but myabe try making the lines a bit more regular. Good title and good poem. It really gets across the picture.

I have no idea what you are talking about.
Its an good poem but I still don't know what you wre trying tosay
Something about a kitchen or murdering someone?
Sorry but i don't know
Good poem anyway
Charlotte