The Quest

It's pretty good stuff. I noticed you tend to use the past perfect tense a lot (at least I think that's what it's called). For example, where you say "had changed," take out the had. It'll flow a lot better that way.

Also, I'm not sure if that part about he-she-it was supposed to be funny, but I laughed . Maybe it's just cause I'm so immature. Anyway, good writes.

haha it wasn't suppossed to be funny at all, but I kind of see what you mean. I have "past perfect" tense a lot because she's suppossed *sp?* to be older, telling her story. At least, that's what I think. thank you!

Hmmm.... Your story seems pretty good. I like its layout. But 'Rae' seems like a girls name to me. I really like this piece and hope that that's not the end of it.

So I followed the troupe in the night, waiting for the moment to rescue my brother. I didn’t know that this adventure wouldn’t just shape the rest of his life, but the rest of mine.

I really like this end line. An omnious sentence which just screams to be ended in dot dot dots (I call ... dot dot dots. Don't laugh, it's a serious problem! ) Which I'm not sure you'd be allowed to do, but it screams anyway.

They all told me not to go.

The beginnings the same! (simple pleasures) A sentence that makes you want to read... I like it!

Still, I had been forbidden to leave our farm. I hadn’t listened.

Hmmm... "I hadn't listened" doesn't sound as good when "I had been forbidden to leave our farm" is in the same tense. Don't know what you'd do about it though. Maybe it's just me.

He had large muscles from so many years of working on our farm.

Maybe "his mucsles were large from so many years of working on our farm instead." It's only a small change, but I like it more.

That's all I could spot. I like this piece, if I were you I'd continue it. Here's your motivation: It is good, and people want to read more.

Hey Misty Lynn! Remember me? Lol.

that was pretty good, too.

yeah I remember you. how is it going at tywc anyway? nice 2 see you again.

Great story, it needs a bit of work, and i'm not completely sure, but i think it's spelt 'unic', correct me if i'm wrong

~~Shadow~Knight~~

I really like what you have so far. Audrey seems like the kind of spunky, adventurous heroine that I love. I'd love to see what happens to her and her brother.

And Shadow Knight, I think Misty spelled it right. but perhaps not...

Hi Misty!

Good beginning. I don't usually like reading fantasy stories for the reason that they are either stupidly cliche, or boring in that the characters are perfectly good or evil. But I have to say you did a pretty good job of interesting me in the plot, even with just this comparatively short segment of your work. I still had a fantasy feeling in some parts, in places when you refer to her "steed" though.


Keep it up!