Inscription of Love: UPDATED 8/18/06

Wiggy · 2006-07-25T05:38:21Z

Anthony Simmons trudged through the snow, glancing up on occasion to glare at the Christmas decorations that surrounded him. The blow-up Santas and Rudolphs mocked him with their smiling faces, representing a superficial happiness that he couldn’t bring himself to possess. Everything but him seemed so cheerful and joyous, lit up like the rainbow of Christmas lights that illuminated the street. Elise had been the brightest light, the glowing cherubim atop the tree-but that was gone now. All he had left was a lump of stone for a heart and a bucketful of bittersweet memories. Everything around him seemed so cold-the snow, the frosty air, the memory of Elise. He glanced down at his chapped hands as he clutched his jacket closed from the biting wind. The knuckles were cracked and red, but the rest of his long, slender hands were as pale as death. The dirt caked under his cracked fingernails sent a sharp pain through his heart, reminding him of Elise and how the one thing she insisted on was clean hands. She wouldn’t let him touch her or kiss her until he had thoroughly scrubbed his hands to the tune of “Yankee Doodle” under her supervision. Satisfied, she would pull him into an embrace and a kiss, leaving his mouth tingling with the warmth of her lips. The rest of him had fallen into disarray. His clothing was disheveled and his once clean-shaven face was rough and scraggly. His thin lips stretched across his teeth in a permanent frown as if a rubber band was holding them taut. His dirty blonde hair was strewn about his head as if he had just gotten out of bed that morning. But the most changed was his eyes. Those once-content, gray-blue pools had a hunted look to them, like he had searched long for something but never found it. He involuntarily shivered. Snowflakes had gathered on his eyelashes unnoticed. Swiping them off, he finally reached the outskirts of town. Veering left, he trudged toward the graveyard. He stumbled like a drunken man through the rows of stone sentinels until he reached her grave. Removing his cap, he clunked down on one knee, then the other. Tears slipped down his frozen cheeks as he gazed at the marker: Elise Marie Simmons Beloved Wife of Anthony Simmons Sunshine on a Cloudy Day Born June 23, 1978 Died December 23, 2001 Underneath the inscription, in smaller letters read: Rose Therese Simmons Daughter of Anthony and Elise Short-lived but Long-loved Born May 16, 2001 Died December 23, 2001 “Elise-Rose,” he murmured, absentmindedly reaching out to stroke the cold, gray stone. His fingers gently traced the inscriptions of Elise and Rose’s names as he lost himself in memories, heedless of the soft, white carpet that was forming around him. He remembered the night before Elise and Rose had been killed. Scraps of reindeer wrapping paper were littered around the Christmas tree as Elise excitedly put the finishing touches on Rose’s new toy piano, complete with farm animal sounds and keys that lit up when they were touched. Scooting the present under the tree, Elise crawled over and nestled into Anthony’s lap. He leaned back and closed his eyes, letting her fingers run through his hair. Sighing happily, he gently massaged her back as she snuggled even closer to him. Elise glanced up at the present. “You know,” she said, “I suppose we shouldn’t put that under the tree just yet. After all, Santa comes on Christmas Eve, not December 22. Besides, Rose is strangely like her daddy in how she is attracted to bright, obnoxious wrapping paper.” She tickled him under the chin and continued, “And I am never, ever letting you pick out the wrapping paper again. Ever! What will everyone think of it? It’s just…oh, never mind. I guess Target’s elves were a bit dysfunctional the day they invented this wrapping paper.” “It was on sale ,” he groaned. He looked slyly at her. “As if you could do any better.” “Are you insulting my fashion sense?” she retorted, pouting. “Men!” He chuckled and squeezed her hand. “No, Elise. Just fighting fire with fire.” He glanced up the stairs and sighed. “I probably need to go check on Rose.” Suddenly, Elise scrambled out of Anthony’s lap and scampered to the window. “Look!” she pointed excitedly. “It’s snowing! Rose has never seen snow before! Oh, Tony, let’s wake her up and let her see her first snow!” Anthony grinned at her child-like joy. “Of course. I’ll get the video camera and our coats. You get Rose. I’ll be ready in five minutes.” When he came back into the living room, a sleepy-eyed rose and a bright-eyed Elise greeted him. “There you are Tony! I thought you’d never come.” Elise glanced out the window again. “It’s late and I don’t want to keep Rose out too long. I just want her to see her first snow.” She smiled down at Rose and gently tickled her as Anthony stepped around them to open the door. “After you, my little women,” he teased. “Why thank you, kind sir,” Elise replied, putting on a mock air of haughtiness. She marched out into the glittering night but stopped as soon as she stepped onto the porch. “Anthony!” she gasped. “It’s like a winter wonderland!” The snow sparkled like a thousand glittering diamonds. Multicolored Christmas lights danced on the snow, creating a patchwork of brilliance. Laden with snow, pine trees stood like sentinels watching over the yards. “Yes,” he breathed. “Like a winter wonderland.” They stood there silently for a few minutes, taking in the glorious night. Suddenly, Elise remarked, “Poor Rose will freeze to death if we don’t get moving. Turn on the camera, Tony.” Anthony switched on the video camera and watched Elise brush the snow off the step with her hand. Carefully, sitting down, she cuddled Rose in her arms to keep her warm. She picked up a handful of snow and showed it to Rose, who felt it and let out of cry of surprise at its coldness. Turning towards Anthony, Elise pressed Rose’s face to her own, clasped her hand, and held it up. “Say hi to Daddy,” she cooed, waving Rose’s tiny hand at Anthony. Rose gurgled happily and broke into a toothless grin. Anthony gazed in silent contentment as Elise and Rose played around in the snow a little more. Finally, with a big yawn, Elise got up and stretched. Anthony switched off the video camera, and putting his arm around Elise’s shoulder, he gently guided her inside. Just before he shut the door, Elise gazed one last time out at the star-lit night. “If this was my last night on earth,” she murmured, ‘this is how I would want to spend it.” She smiled and looked up into Anthony’s eyes. “Thank you.”

Wiggy

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Thu Sep 07, 2006 9:47 pm

Wiggy says... · Thu Sep 07, 2006 9:47 pm

*runs and hides under bed*

You just never give up!

"I will have to tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul..." --Mr. Darcy, P & P, 2005 movie
"You pierce my soul." --Cpt. Frederick Wentworth

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Dream Deep

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Thu Sep 07, 2006 9:52 pm

Dream Deep says... · Thu Sep 07, 2006 9:52 pm

DD cannot be turned aside by mere mortal means!!!

MUAHAHAHA!

:twisted:

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Wiggy

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Fri Sep 08, 2006 12:38 am

Wiggy says... · Fri Sep 08, 2006 12:38 am

What if I told you I was immortal!?! *sniggers*

"I will have to tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul..." --Mr. Darcy, P & P, 2005 movie
"You pierce my soul." --Cpt. Frederick Wentworth

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Dream Deep

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Fri Sep 08, 2006 12:42 am

Dream Deep says... · Fri Sep 08, 2006 12:42 am

Then I would have no choice but to believe you. And inform you that no mere immortal weapons can stop me EITHER!!

MUAHAHAHA!!!

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Myth

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Fri Sep 08, 2006 2:29 pm

Myth says... · Fri Sep 08, 2006 2:29 pm

Those once-content, gray-blue pools had a hunted look to them, like he had searched long for something but never found it.

Was that meant to be 'hunted' or 'haunted'?

Hoorah for your use of description:

His fingers gently traced the inscriptions of Elise and Rose’s names as he lost himself in memories, heedless of the soft, white carpet that was forming around him.

There wasn't much for me to nit-pick or read twice as you've written this extremly well.

Margie struck me as one of those neighbour's you want to avoid but just can't manage it.

Are you not taking this any further. I want to know what Anthony does and how he is coping.

.: ₪ :.

'...'

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Wiggy

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Sat Sep 09, 2006 1:03 am

Wiggy says... · Sat Sep 09, 2006 1:03 am

It's slow in coming...*sigh* The ever constant school calls...but I'll most defininitely post it when I get the chance! (Plus, then DD can't send me any more haikus!

)

"I will have to tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul..." --Mr. Darcy, P & P, 2005 movie
"You pierce my soul." --Cpt. Frederick Wentworth

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Dream Deep

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Fri Sep 15, 2006 3:44 pm

Dream Deep says... · Fri Sep 15, 2006 3:44 pm

That's what you think... :wink:

I await eagerly as always the next installment (the desperation scene, no?) and if you find yourself in need of a long crit/suggestions, feel free to e-mail it to me! ^_^

(niah_elil@comcast.net, morn-hyland@hotmail.com, whichever you like... )

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Wiggy

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Sat Sep 16, 2006 4:03 am

Wiggy says... · Sat Sep 16, 2006 4:03 am

Thanks DD. You are sooo sweet!

"I will have to tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul..." --Mr. Darcy, P & P, 2005 movie
"You pierce my soul." --Cpt. Frederick Wentworth

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aeroman

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Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:24 am

aeroman says... · Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:24 am

Hey Wiggy!

Well I promised you I would finish reading it and I did! I loved it! I felt so bad for Anthony. You've written this extremely well. Here is my critique...

Grammar and Spelling

I guess Target's elves were a bit dysfunctional the day they invented this wrapping paper.

It should be disfuctional.

He laid like that, cheek against stone, for he longest time.

Should be the.

Have you been out Christmas shopping, getting ready for he big day?

Should be the.

And those are the only mistakes I could find in grammar and spelling. You wrote it very well! Good job!

Character Development

You developed Anthony really well through the flash backs. I got a real good feel for not only how much he missed his family, but more importantly why he missed them so much. You made the flash backs very innocent and blissful memories.

Another thing I liked was when he blew up at Margie in starbucks, it really showed how on edge he was, and I liked the 'I don't do Christmas' line. Created a big impact.

Other than that you've only had two side characters, Margie and the Cashier, you also portrayed them beautifully for the short period I read about them. Margie seemed like one of those really wonderful ladies that just cares about everyone and sincerely wants to help. The cashier was done well too with the explanation to Margie and how he genuinely felt bad for her, asking her if she was alright.

Quality

As I've already said, you've written the piece beautifully. The story as a whole hooked me from the beginning. His emotions so far have been very real and they just flowed together. Awesomeness!

Conclusion

Amazing piece Wiggy! I want tor ead more!

~Aero

They haven't invented the missile that can kill an ideal.

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Whisper91

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Tue Feb 12, 2008 5:06 am

Whisper91 says... · Tue Feb 12, 2008 5:06 am

My heart's pounding. I don't know how you do it. It's amazing. I want to cry, but I will not. Bitterness of death without hope - it's sad. It doesn't have to be - isn't - like that though. There is hope, but not here. It's hidden in creation, it's hidden in small acts of kindess. . . it's hidden in Christmas. Christ-mas.

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