Unpredictable: Forward, Chapter One

Nothing to see here

This is a really good start; you have a nice, easy style here that is captivating. It's just interesting to read about someone's experience and then to think about how that relates to me.

My own college story is actually kind of similar. I went from living in Washington DC to Saint Mary's, MD, which is a total backwater even though it's where the first Maryland settlers lived. The College, Saint Marys of Maryland (public) is surronded by cornfields, only has 1,800 students (1,600 when I got there), and you know everyone. It was a cool place and I miss being there. For a while, I even wanted to do the educational program there, but I couldn't stand the teachers for it so I did economics instead. Still not sure if that was a mistake or not, but come September, I may end up working for a private school anyhow.

ANYWAYS... I really liked it. Looking forward to more.

That's fantastic! Was it frightening for you to leave the city you grew up in, even if it was temporary?

Rei wrote:That's fantastic! Was it frightening for you to leave the city you grew up in, even if it was temporary?

In some ways, yes, but really only because I was going somewhere where I didn't know anyone and college is just such a complete and total change anyways. But, on the other hand, I've always been uncomfortable living in the city, so leaving that for the countryside was a relief for me.

When I went to a Seneca College campus just north of Toronto to do an admissions test for the veterinary technician program

Run on!

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Now, ok, I like the part about the unpredictable-ness, and what people would do. lol, 'Eat fifteen hot dogs for a piece of candy'.

I also like the ending a lot. As for stuff that's not so great, I think it could use more personality, seeing as how you wrote it in first person. It already has a little, but it could use more, to really let the reader get to know you and familiarize with the narrator. Some strong personality could do it good.

Thanks, but what do you mean by "more personality"? That is me.

The style was pleasantly laid-back, and I think the conversational attitude at points did what no amount of detail would have managed for something more formal. ^_^ Green Day/song lyrics to theme at the beginning were the same - fit well.

Just a few points though you might go over so that they're precise/clear - it seems you slipped some into conversational ambiguities here or there where it didn't assist the overall message or picture.

I think Green Day got it right. Good riddance to rez life, but it was the time of our lives. St. Lawrence College, Cornwall Campus. Its residence is possibly unlike any other college residence in the world. I once walked around the University of Toronto campus and would have gotten lost had I not been with a friend who was a student there.

Jumps right in...so it grabs attention. But the structure - with the fragmented 'St. Lawrence College...' would flow better if it were its own paragraph, perhaps?

So...

I think Green Day got it right. Good riddance to rez life, but it was the time of our lives.[perhaps some detail here to lead into St Lawrence'...?]
St. Lawrence College, Cornwall Campus. Its residence is possibly unlike any other college residence in the world. I once walked around the University of Toronto campus and would have gotten lost had I not been with a friend who was a student there.

For, you see, this unique, [s]very special[/s] residence has only forty-four private rooms

Here 'unique' and 'very special' just repeat the same idea, and slow the sentence a bit.

You will, of course, find lots of funny stories and ideas within these pages, from what we do for food, and how we kill time during reading week. A lot of funny stuff happens when you’re a college student.

The tense change (future) and direct address to the reader threw me off. Final sentence - that made me grin; the tone and brevity of it are neat for humour. But I couldn't quite tell whether the beginning referred to the book - and is this essay/piece a part of that? ...It doesn't seem to connect to the rest of the paragraph.

It’s a world where it’s not that unusual to find someone eating instant coffee mix right out of the container, a young man will get a pink cast after shattering his ankle because he jumped off a building while drunk, it’s okay to walk around with a Rainbow Bright blanket, playing in the snow is once again a legitimate activity, and people are willing to eat fifteen hot dogs just to win a small piece of candy. It’s also the place where a girl who never had a date in high school may suddenly be asked out on her first day of classes.

There - the concrete details, andecdotal, work wonderfully to engage the reader. ^_^

Maybe I wouldn’t work in the library at a high school, as I imagined I would when I accepted my place at Seneca.

...might flow more clearly if you ditched some unneeded words "...wouldn't work in a highschool library (then switch these two bits) when I accepted my place at Seneca as I had imagined."

So it was decided. I would go to Cornwall and take the Educational Assistant program. Didn’t know anything about the program. Didn’t know anything about Cornwall. Didn’t even know where it was. But I was gonna go. I applied for my student loan and for residence, and come September, I was off without a clue as to what life had in store for me now.

The converstional informality flowed the very best, and was most consistent, right here at the end. It ends tightly, and leaves hanging the 'what-will-happen-after...?'

Interesting piece of observation and reflection, Rei. I think it might benefit from more direct stories/anecdotes than the slightly distant telling that keeps up most in the middle. But the idea - well, colleges and going away do usually make interesting and even bizarre stories. ^_^

Thanks a lot. These are definitely some ideas I will keep in mind when revising it. Though I'm not sure how much more anecdotal I can be considering what I wanted to accomplish with the forward and first chapter. If you, or anyone else, has a thought, it would be much appriciated.

Check out chapter two. Judging from how Nate responded, I think it has the kinds of things that you are talking about.