Chemical love

Spoiler

I haven’t been really inspired lately what with school and NaNo but I wrote this poem as an experiment . It’s kind of silly and beautifully cliché I think, but I sort of like it.
WARNING: If you’re not a chemistry student, you may not really understand some terms.

Chemical love

You’re the indispensible poly(ethene)
I wear on my face,
The carbon in my dodecane.

We’re like water –
We form the perfect covalent bond.
Polar as your negative dipole,
Forever attracts me.

Let me put a (benzene) ring around your finger.
I am hydrogen:
Light a splint and my love will make a pop.
I am oxygen:
Light a splint and my love will glow on.

And though at times we leave our neutral state,
And drop to pH 5,
I will never let things between us
Get as acidic as hydrochloric acid,
I won’t let things corrode.

I am the electrons swimming around you,
in constant motion.
You are my nucleus:
The centre of my universe;
Only God knows the ionization energy needed
To keep me away from you,
My chemical love.

Right, well hello i am Ste and this is the perfect poem. It is filled with emotion and the sense of love is there and i fidn the title clever as it goes on to have a running theme of science. Not sure if it was meant to be funny but it made me chuckle to be honest at the same time of getting the jist of what it is actually about. A clever well written poem.
Keep it up my friend
Ste x

I thought this was the cutest chemical poem that I have ever come across. You may want to check some of your facts, though. Also, Some of the wording should be re-arranged, and I don't like the parentheses thing you do. It bothers me. You may want to change the title, because it evokes the band name "my chemical romance" which, I believe, has been copyrighted.
Overall though, you did a great job with your "experiment" it was cute without being cutesy. I liked it. And it takes a lot to make me like love poems.

omigosh I love this! In my chem class we had to act out oxygen gas by linking arms in pairs, so I guess this poem is a pretty natural place to take chemistry.
My only suggestion would be to do more with the chemistry references. With polyethene you could talk about being versatile, or something like that maybe. And talk about the strength and stability of the relationship represented by the benzene ring.
I really love it as it is though, I just felt you could use the properties of some of the things you mention even more.

Awesome work!
Keep writing!

- pigeon

I thought this was the cutest chemical poem that I have ever come across. You may want to check some of your facts, though. Also, Some of the wording should be re-arranged, and I don't like the parentheses thing you do. It bothers me. You may want to change the title, because it evokes the band name "my chemical romance" which, I believe, has been copyrighted.
Overall though, you did a great job with your "experiment" it was cute without being cutesy. I liked it. And it takes a lot to make me like love poems.

Hey. This was a very clever poem and (being the nerd that I am) the title drew me to read it. I have a few comments though.

Chemical love

You’re the indispensible poly(ethene)
I wear on my face,
The carbon in my dodecane. Nice attention grabber.

We’re like water –
We forming the perfect covalent bond. Remove the "we" at the beginning of the line and change "form" to "forming", it flows better.
Polar as your negative dipole,
Forever attracts me. Change "attracts" to "attracting", it is a better word choice following "forever".

Let me put a (benzene) ring around your finger.
I am hydrogen:
Light a splint and my love will make a pop.
I am oxygen:
Light a splint and my love will glow on.
Though the repitition was probably intentional, I think it is a little overdone in this stanza. Try changing it up a little.

And though at times we leave our neutral state,
And drop to pH 5,
I will never let things between us
Get as acidic as hydrochloric acid,
I won’t let things corrode. This last line here seems kind of forced. I like this stanza with just the 4 lines.

I am the electrons swimming around you,
in constant motion.
You are my nucleus:
The centre of my universe;
Only God knows the ionization energy needed
To keep me away from you,
My chemical love. strong closing.

Obviously this is my oppinion. Do with these comments as you please.

-Des (Jessa's husband)