Oh, Marissa Marissa

You hide yourself in your own illusions,
Believing your man made delusions,
You use your thoughts and words – unknowingly so
as weapons at war with other ideals
to try and make your so called "point."

Inside your safe-haven- your little bubble,
You thought you knew it all,
You began to close the walls into your mind,
Your strong corrupted soul ruling your thoughts
Your dangerously passionate heart dominating your actions

However, what you didn’t know
Was that your swords were blunt, your weapons dull
You didn’t see it, but you never won the battle
A battle against me, which I never fought
I didn’t need to after all. You had that covered

You shamelessly murdered other peoples beliefs
and shot down their ideas. That was all you ever could see
all you ever cared about, all you ever knew
was making your point - to be right
even when your wrong
you could never see, what was truley inside
the "real" shine inside beautiful people.

Oh how I pity you,
the adventures you could had
the expeditions you never tried
the new experiences, just not right for you

when will you grow up?
and escape your bubble?
your kingdom of rubble?

So through your closed eyes
Clouded with misinterpretations
That block the entrance of truth, of experience
There is a world out there – a three dimensional universe
And you don’t need books to know that.

When you open them, tell me
And we can explore together.

Hello there! =)
So I was wandering around and saw this piece and tadaa here I am to review it for you XD (obviously)
I want to start off with saying that this was a good piece and I enjoyed writing it. I like the words you use,
For example:

Your dangerously passionate heart dominating your actions

Love this sentence!

There's a nice imagery in this so congratulations on that! =) And now over to the nitpicks!

Believing your man made delusions,

This sentence sounded a bit choppy to me, maybe expand on it a little? =)

Your strong corrupted soul ruling your thoughts,

I like this sentence by the way!!

Your dangerously passionate heart dominating your actions.

However, what you didn’t know
Was that your swords were blunt, your weapons dull
You didn’t see it, but you never won the battle
A battle against me, which I never fought
I didn’t need to after all. You had that covered

You forgot the punctuation in this part =)

even when you were wrong

you could never see, what was truly inside

the adventures you could have had

When will you grow up
and escape your bubble,
your kingdom of rubble?

I think it would read easier this way =)

You should go back and look at your punctuation, because you seem to have forgotten it in some parts. =)
I really hope this helped a little and I enjoyed reading this! Good piece and keep writing.
*clicks like*
-Qaralynn-

Bravo, this is a fantastic poem you have here. good job!

"Was that your swords were blunt, your weapons dull" --I dont know what it is about this line, but it just sounds fantastic. I love it.

"You shamelessly murdered other peoples beliefsand shot down their ideas. That was all you ever could seeall you ever cared about, all you ever knewwas making your point - to be righteven when your wrongyou could never see, what was truley insidethe "real" shine inside beautiful people." --This is amazing. I can really feel your raw emotion as you tell it.

Overall, I have nothing negative to say about this poem. I thank you for posting this so that others may enjoy it. Keep on writing.


--Maya