Soul of the Storm

Spoiler

This is a kind of attempt at a haiku poem, but it's not really finished. I think the middle could do with another stanza or two yet I can't work out what to put. And any thoughts/ suggestions for a different title would be helpful too!

Take a deep breath
And another step
Girl in the dark soul of the storm.

Hundreds of eyes
Constantly watchful
Condemning you with every stare.

They know the truth
They see through the lies
And the scars of your past remain.

Hold your head high
Don't be afraid
You have nothing to fear from them.

Just wait a while
One day they will see
The love inside you...

Like I do.

Good evening.

First I would like to start off by saying that I am not very good at analysing poems, so I can merely give you my opinion, not a professional review.

I think that it has good rhythm, and carries forward well without a rhyme. However, I did particularly like the third and forth stanza, because “remain” and “them” half-rhyme. Perhaps you should look into poems that throw in sneaky little half rhymes like that, cause often they are the most enjoyable to read and say aloud.

And of course I like the ending. I find too many amateur poets are hopeless in their word, but I'm happy you finished it on an uplifting note.

Good work and happy writing,

Dove

Hmmm... I liked it, I could tell you put a lot of thought into it. Half way through I was confused on what was going on though I still carried on and read and I did enjoy it. Yes, you do need to put in more stanzas to give it more stability. You have some potential for writing poetry and this is very different to the poetry I read but it's good Keep writing.

I can honestly say I loved the poem. My favourite part was ''Condemning you with every stare''. I found this a powerful line and thought out. As for your ending I loved that as well! Three simple words, yet meaningful!
The first stanza confused me a little, but I may have just read it wrong.
Keep it up! It was fantastic!