That's What Love Is

Spoiler

Warning: Cheesy! (I think.) I just wrote this poem because all these feelings are bottled up inside and I need to let them out. *Sigh* Love is so painful but lovely isn't it?

Happiness and joy,
that's what I feel
when I see his face.
Because, after all,
that's what love is.

It haunts me at night,
my dreams are full of it,
that unforgettable smile.
Because, you see,
that's what love is.

It hurts me to know,
that he won't love me back
that we're just friends.
But still, I believe.
That's what love is.

My heart feels heavy,
it feels like it's being squeezed
when his hand touches me.
Because, I'm sure,
that's what love is.

I want to cry when he's sad.
My heart hurts a lot.
I ask him what's wrong.
And I know, it's because
that's what love is.

I act like a fool,
I show off in front of him.
I try to catch his eye.
I'm like this because
that's what love is.

My heart beats fast,
I feel nervous
whenever I'm with him.
That's what happens because
that's what love is.

However, I must keep silent.
My feelings can't be revealed.
I don't want to hurt him.
I love him too much.
That's what love is.

Spoiler

That's it! This is really what's going on inside my head. Ahhhh.... I love love. Review (if you're still in the mood) please!

I think your poems good. There were some things that bugged me about it though. One was that is seemed as though the stanza were too short. Life, before you can digest the beautiful descriptions your trying to describe, there imdeiatly seemingly plopped in between is the phrase That's what love is. Not saying you need to change it, just add a little more to each stanza.

The other thing was that a lot of the stuff your saying is....kind of cliche. It'sd the typical stuff that you find in any love poem, written by a guy or girl. Sure, you can write it that way to play it safe, and meet the standards, but that's not people are looking for when they are looking for a story to read. They want something that pops, clicks, hooks them into reading more. I found myself having to push onwards.

But anyways, that doesn't mean your a bad writer. Just keep practicing. Best of luck to you!

Hey there, Potter! I'm Walker, here to review this piece.

And I want to start off with the fact that I love how this slowly reveals itself for what it is. It starts off telling the things about love that we want love to be, like something that brings happiness and joy, but you start to digress it, telling about the things that hurt like unrequited love, but it is still love. And that's a very neat effect, which is good.

The big problem is, I thought it would have continued a digression. That it would keep getting worse, but you sort of started the digression, then stopped and kept in constant at the same unrequited pit, which made the poem lose its progression. If you want to go for an effect like you did, you'll have to probably venture out of your comfort zone and speak on the things in which the heart fears. Like learning that there is no hope, yet still holding on. Things like that will show a bit of a variety as opposed to simply keeping to unrequited.

Next, I want to note on how this comes out like a shopping list. Like a good essay, people find the need to make poetry into paragraphs where each stanza means something different, yet explains the ultimate theme. You progress only because you take on a book report rather than a piece of poetry, stating points in a repetitive, basic manner, without so much as interesting diction to change that aspect about it. Poetry is not defined in a certain manner for that reason. As poets, we don't write poetry in a specific order. We do it from the heart, and it comes out sometimes in a mess. A beautiful mess, mind you, but a mess.

This is far too... dainty for my liking.

What I will say is that I enjoyed the repetition.

Now, onto the subject of this poem, and this is where I get a bit philosophical so I hope you don't mind! Poetry is of the heart, after all.

This comes out as overly pretentious. You speak of love as if you know what love should feel like, and what does love feel like? What should love feel like? What is love, in that essence? We're all beings of the heart, yes, but because of that, we have so much left to learn about ourselves and what we are capable of feeling. And love... well, love is such an undefined word. You could Webster's dictionary define it till the ends of the earth but you'll never be able to define it logically, especially in the English language. After all, we can easily say 'I love my mother' and 'I love a taco' in the same sentence. So, in that sense, I don't know if I like the idea of how you're portraying love. You're not stating its the only aspect of love, mind you, but love in itself is such a vast, ridiculous topic that trying to put words around its meaning seems trivial and immodest.

You're starting to put passion to words, which is awesome. Feeling your words is the only way you'll ever be able to control them when it comes to poetry, but because of this, you should work on how many words you know. After all, we are writers. Wouldn't we use only the sharpest of tools? So work on your diction a bit, but keep that underlying passion.

You're on the right track, my dear. Very much so. Its just a matter of practice and finding reasons worth writing about. If love is that reason for you, maybe trying to find out what love truly is. Or something a little more profound and less childish. Look deeper. Look harder. The words will come.

~Walker