Beauty Is

Spoiler

I guess this is a lyric poem, I'm not really sure. Anyway, I wrote this about a year and a half ago and it's not a poem I would brag about. Please help me fix it. Thanks!

Beauty is...the life that you live;
Beauty is...what your life shows;
Beauty is...what you give;
Beauty is...not only your clothes;

Style is...how you feel;
Style is...the way you walk;
Style is...how you deal;
Style is...the way you talk;

The way you act...shows who you are;
The way you act...is who you are;
The way you act...is your choice;
The way you act...is your voice;

Beauty is...who you are;
Beauty is...how you live;
Beauty is...never very far;
Beauty is...how you'll thrive;

Beauty is...

HAAALLLLOOO~~ (Bear with me, I've eaten chocolate. CHOCOLATTEE~~~~)

Noelle wrote:Beauty is...the life that you live; #FF0000 ">This is more of a personal thing I guess, but I think you should give a little space after your "..." ->Beauty is... the life that you live; The difference isn't much, but it seems much more neater and gives a little more feel. Apply to all below.
Beauty is...what your life shows;
Beauty is...what you give;
Beauty is...not only your clothes;

Style is...how you feel;
Style is...the way you walk;
Style is...how you deal;
Style is...the way you talk;

The way you act...shows who you are;
The way you act...is #FF0000 ">who you are;
The way you act...is your choice;
The way you act...is your voice;

Beauty is...#FF0000 ">who you are; #FF0000 ">All the "definiations" are different from each other= very good. But this sentence and the sentence I've highlighted above are not. Try something new, y-aa-ess?
Beauty is...how you live;
Beauty is...never very far;
Beauty is...how you'll thrive;

Beauty is...

Overall:

Its really good! When I read your spoiler, I cracked my knuckles and roll my head and got ready for some serious (like I sooooo have been above.) reviewing. But I didn't find that needed. It was actually pretty good. *Runs of to "like button.* <- Because it was worth it to me

-JT.

Heh, it's good you don't brag about it! It's not very good to be honest, but that's perfectly okay. There are primarily two things that are going wrong:

1. The repetition of "Beauty is," "Style is," and "The way you act is"... is annoying. The real meat in this poem is not those words, but what comes after those words. However, the constant repetition distracts and thus ultimately detracts from the rest of the piece. If you wanted to define each stanza as about one idea, you could do something like this instead:
"Beauty is,
the life that you live;
what your life shows;
what you give;
not only your clothes;"

Of course, you still need some rewording, but the poem would already be loads better just because the attention of the reader is focused on the right part; that is, what comes after "Beauty is."

2. Ellipses... should be... avoided. One writing tip that has stuck with me over the years was given to me by another young writer, and it wasn't really even a tip. What she said was (I'm paraphrasing), "I don't use ellipses because I don't think I have that skill level yet."

An ellipsis can be very effective when done correctly, but to use them correctly, you need to be a really good writer. Thus, as a rule of thumb, you should avoid them as much as possible. Otherwise, they just end up being annoying or melodramatic.


So, yeah, not a good poem. But like I said, that's perfectly okay. You said you wrote this over a year ago, and you've no doubt grown as a writer since then. So just keep working at it!