Lomones felt his stomach sink. “Where is she?”
The matron looked scared. “Who?”
“Lin,” he said, his voice rising. “Where is she?”
The matron laughed nervously. “I told you, she’s right in front of you. Pidge is a bad liar, that’s all. Pidge! Go to your room immediately. You’ve been a bad little girl for lying to the White Swan here, and you will be punished.”
Pidge trembled. “No.”
The matron sneered. “So now you’ll disobey me, right? I’ll tell you what: if you go to your room, I won’t throw you out. That way, you don’t have to go back in the street and sell yourself for food. Or would have you forgotten the condition you came in? If it weren’t for me, you would have died from want.”
Pidge stared at the matron, her eyes full of fear. And then she turned to leave.
“See?” the matron said brightly to Lomones. “She’s a liar, that’s all. Otherwise, she would have stayed. Now, you’ve talked with Lin and given her your message. I must ask you to go at this time.”
Lomones raised his eyebrow. “What if I don’t intend to leave?”
“Then I will have to force you to.”
“How?”
Her hand snapped to her pocket. “Don’t make me bleed you, White Swan.”
The room grew cold. Eerily cold.
“No,” he whispered, his head growing dizzy. “Not again.”
“I can curse her too, if you’d like, Daddy,” a voice whispered in his ear, so gentle that it made him start. “It would be such a pleasure. I can turn her hands to dust. That way she’d never touch you. Her hands will disintegrate and she’ll never hurt anyone again. You’ve seen her hit the little ones. She likes doing that too. She doesn’t care about anyone or anything. I can see her mind.”
The matron’s face turned white. From the look of it, she heard the words too.
He closed his eyes tightly. “Elise, don’t do this!” Lomones thought.
The voice laughed. “She is fingering the knife handle in her pocket. It is made out of leather from some beast that her husband killed long ago. They used to live in the forest in a small town far away. And when he died, she thought she was lost and that there was no hope. So she moved to the city and came to the widow’s house. At the time, the matron then was very sick, so she stepped in and took care of the matron, using her own knowledge of herbs and home remedies. And some interesting remedies they were. Why, if I didn’t know better, they were not remedies at all. But maybe I just am unaware of the particular attributes of these plants.”
The matron brought forth her knife and waved it around, looking at the shadows around the room. “Where are you?” she called out. “Show yourself, you coward!”
“Matron!” the woman called Lin cried out. “What are you doing?”
“That White Swan snuck someone else in!” she hissed. “A liar worst than the others. She’s in here somewhere. I know it! I hear her.”
“Hear what?”
“Don’t you hear her? She sounds like she’s behind that wall.”
The woman looked scared. “Nobody’s said anything but us.”
The matron glared at her. “You’re lying. Everybody’s lying!”
The voice laughed softly. “Or have you lost your mind? You hear a voice that no one seems to hear. Look at Yasi’s face—see the fear on it. She’s afraid for you because you hear things that she doesn’t. What could this mean? Maybe I am just a voice on the wind. But then, how can I know so much about you?”
The matron raced to the door and peered out, holding her knife threateningly to the empty hallway. “Show yourself, damn it!”
Lomones heart sank. “Don’t do this, don’t do this, don’t do this,” he thought desperately.
“Maybe this is just a dream,” the voice continued in a drawl. “Yes, that could be it. For why would a voice talk to you otherwise that no one could hear but you? And all that blood. How could that be possible? No, this must be a dream. Just a dream that never seems to end. But I know a way to end it.”
“Matron,” Lomones said quickly. “Listen to me. Drop the knife now and nothing will happen.”
“Quiet you!” she cried, waving the knife at him. “You’re in on this too! You paid Yasi to do this awful trick. I knew enough gold would be the death of me!”
“Does that even make sense?” Lomones demanded. “You were the one who chose Yasi. Why would she betray you knowingly? She doesn’t even know me!”
“Please, Matron,” Yasi said. “Drop the knife.”
“They think you are lying. They think that I don’t exist. They are thinking of sending you away forever, for you sound insane. They will lock you up and this dream shall stretch forth in eternity and there will be no escape. You will waste away locked away forever and there shall be no burial for you. There will be nobody to mourn your body. You shall be trapped in this dream forever.”
“Matron,” Lomones started.
“Shut up! Shut up!” Then, to the ceiling, the matron cried, “If this is a dream, then I can do whatever I want!”
“You don’t do whatever you want because you are scared. Just as a child dreams of blood-thirsty Conquerors, you dream of being confined by duty. You are scared of duty, though you embrace it anyway because you are afraid of the alternative. You are afraid of having no purpose and so you work. But the more you work, the more you fear that your entire life is based on this duty and, if you lost it, you would lose your purpose. You would become insignificant. Or do you think that I don’t see you when you tremble in bed? Your joints ache, you cannot walk properly without a cane, and your teeth are falling out. Your hair has already fallen out. You try to pretend that nothing’s happened. You wear wigs. You sleep with younger men. You pretend to be able to walk without pain, though every step makes you grimace. But secretly, you wonder to yourself why you suffer so much. Why you are so alone.”
The word “alone” echoed in Lomones’s ears and the matron flinched, her entire body shuddering. Lomones stepped closer to her.
“Matron,” he started gently.
“Shh!” she hissed at him, glancing over the room with wide eyes. “I am listening!”
“Matron,” he said again. “I need to find Lin.”
“Lin will heal,” the matron said dismissively. “If this is a dream.”
"But this is a nightmare! If it were but a dream, would there be so much blood? Would there be so much pain? But there’s a way to stop the pain. The nightmare will end and you’ll wake up safe. Or do you think I would ever lie to you?”
“Matron!” Lomones cried. “Don’t listen to her! She’s lying to you. Give me your knife now.”
The matron’s eyes narrowed. “Oh, so now you hear what she has to say. And I suppose you’re against it now!”
“He wants to get the knife so he can keep you in this dream forever.”
The matron’s eyes widened and sprang back. “So you’re the villain after all!”
“Let me have the knife,” Lomones said, stepping forward.
“Never!” She dashed away, clinging to the knife. “No, I’ll never let you have the knife. You’ll keep me in this dream forever!”
“Slit your throat and you’ll wake up, safe. It won’t hurt at all.”
“Matron!”
She lifted the knife to her throat and laughed. “Who’s the loser now?” She dug the tip of the blade and gasped.
Yasi charged into her and they fell. The coldness vanished and the knife clattered down to the floor. Lomones picked it up and hid it.
“You idiot!” Yasi cried, smacking the matron. “You stupid, stupid idiot! By Diamea’s wing, what did you think you were doing?”
“It hurt,” the matron said, surprised.
“Of course it hurt! You were going to kill yourself.”
“The voice said it wouldn’t,” she said, blinking.
“What voice?” Yasi snapped.
Lomones fingered the handle and stared at the scene. The matron wasn’t hurt badly, but she would have a scar from the blade. “Where is Lin?” he asked.
Yasi turned to him, fury etched on her face. “You heard the voice too, didn’t you? You heard what the voice had to say too.”
Lomones didn’t say anything.
She stood up, her hands shaking. “There was no voice until you came. There was no voice at all until Matron threatened you. And then she heard the voice. You brought the voice.”
Lomones gritted his teeth. “She shouldn’t have threatened me.”
“And does that give you the right to kill her?” When Lomones didn’t say anything, Yasi drew up higher. “This has to do with the Conquerors, doesn’t it? Before you Swans were involved, there weren’t any Conquerors at all, but now we’re swimming in their filth.”
“Where is Lin?” he said.
“She’s dead. Didn’t you hear Pidge? She bleeding to death right now, if she’s not dead already, and there’s nothing you can do about it. That’s why it was necessary for me to fill in, because you wouldn’t leave us alone otherwise.
“I can heal her,” Lomones started.
“But you won’t,” Yasi said, her eyes fiery. “I know your kind. You are powerful healers, but only when you want to be. You’ll look at a dying human and instead of healing, you kill. The only reason why you would heal Lin is because she’s useful to you.”
“I can take out the poison,” Lomones said.
“But can you replenish all the blood?” When Lomones hesitated, she laughed. “No, that would be too much work. You can’t just wave around your magical feathers and cure her. It’s more complicated than that. So she’ll die and you will report that we killed her and then this place will be taken away because of its bad reputation, leaving dozens of widows and bastards on the streets with no home.”
“That might be better, considering the circumstances that you live with here,” Lomones started to say.
“Oh, yes, you would say that,” she said, snorting. “You’ve never had to live on the streets and starve. But let me make one thing clear,” she said, her voice rising. “Before you start telling everyone that we killed her, consider this: Matron wasn’t the one who caused her death. It was Lin. She was the one who wanted the miscarriage. She was the one who picked the poison. She was the one who ate it. Matron didn’t know about it until last minute, when it was too late. Otherwise, she would have reported her pregnancy to the authorities long before. And if we had reported it to the authorities, you would have killed Lin, just like you have the rest of the family.”
His face paled. “The rest of the family is fine.”
“Then how is that dear little girl that you have kept imprisoned?” When Lomones didn’t answer, she snorted and pointed to her left. “Go through that corridor till the very end. The last room to your left is where Lin is. If she’s still alive, you can have her. If she isn’t, then Diamea have mercy on her.”
“And Pidge?”
“Pidge can go wherever she wants, as long as she doesn’t stay here. The same goes for you.” When Lomones hesitated, she clenched her hands with fists. “Well? Get out of here!”
He bowed. “Thank you very much for all your help.”
As he left, she bent down to the matron and wiped her throat with her skirt.
*
There was so much blood.
That was the first thing he noticed when he entered the room—a room scarcely bigger than a closet. The blankets, the bandages, the pillowcases, everything seemed to be dripping in blood. If he were a Black Swan, he would have smelled it from the outside. As it was, the smell made his human body nauseous.
And Lin was in the middle of it all, a queen of blood. Her face was a pale white and her hair looked like straw. She was still alive, but barely, and her breathing was ragged.
He knelt down to her bedside and stroked her face. “Hey, beautiful,” he said softly. “Do you hear me?”
She leaned up to him. “You look pink,” she whispered in his ear.
“Do I?”
She nodded.
“Does the room look pink too?” he asked, nodding to the room.
“No, it’s blue.”
“Do you like blue?”
She shook her head.
“Then look at me. I want to look at your eyes for a moment. Do you mind?”
“Where’s Iluve?”
He smiled at her. “Iluve is safe. She is with my brother. Knowing him, he is probably spoiling her with sweets right now.”
She smiled. “I like sweets.” Suddenly, she looked worried. “Lars.”
“What about him?”
“I forgot to change his bedding.”
“Don’t worry about that,” Lomones said, stroking the hair out of her face. “Another one of my brothers is taking care of Lars. The bedding is fine.”
She giggled. “You have a lot of brothers!”
“Let me look in your eyes.” He cradled her head in his hands and peered at her eyes. “It looks like you can see still,” he said doubtfully. Then he held his finger in front of her face. “Follow my finger and see where it goes.”
She giggled again. “You want to tickle me, don’t you?”
“I won’t tickle you, promise.”
“It’s all right. I am very ticklish right now. My skin feels all prickly. Everything feels so funny!” She giggled again and tried to move her arms, but she couldn’t lift them. “Did you tie me up?”
“No. Can you move?”
“No. You’re so silly. That’s why I love you.” She tried moving her arms again. “You got me tied up good!” She giggled again.
“Who am I?”
“Lars.” She grinned. “I love you, Lars. Even though you haven’t kissed me yet.”
He frowned. “Wiggle your fingers.”
She laughed and then tried to move her fingers. And then her face fell. “I can’t feel them. I can’t feel my fingers. You didn’t tie them up too, did you? I don’t want my fingers to be tied up!”
“I haven’t tied them up.”
“Yes you have. I can’t move them.” A panicked look entered her face. “Lars? I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to do this! Let me go. I want to feel my fingers again. I can’t feel my fingers. Please, let me go!”
“Shh. I won’t do anything without your permission. Don’t be afraid.”
She started crying. “You haven’t even kissed me! I don’t want to do this anymore.”
Lomones stroked her cheek. “Lin, I’m not Lars. I’m your doctor. You are very sick right now, and that’s why everything hurts. Your fingers are numb because you are very sick.”
Her eyes opened wide. “Lars!”
“I am not Lars.”
“Lars is sick too. I need to help him.” She started crying. “Where’s Solea?”
“Solea is being taken care of by one of my brothers. She is safe with him.”
Lin groaned. “I am such a bad mother. How could I leave her?”
“It’s not your fault.”
It’s time to go to Solea.
The thought popped into his head and he recognized it as Alzan’s. Lomones closed his eyes tightly and grimaced.
Lin was in an unstable condition. Left here, she would die. However, with him, she had a chance of living. If he immersed her in his water, the poison would be gone and the bleeding would stop. It wouldn’t help her regain the lost blood, of course, but there were some certain common herbs that Black Swans used to help them feel better if they skipped a Feeding, and they would help Lin feel better too.
But he had to leave. If he didn’t go to Solea, then they would kill her. With Hoas here—
If Pidge was actually Hoas.
Lomones groaned and stood up. “I will leave a feather here and have Pidge take care of you. I will be back soon.”
Lin shifted slightly, trying to get closer to him, and cried out when she realized he was gone. “Don’t leave me, Lars, don’t leave me!” she cried. “I promise I’ll work things out. Don’t leave me alone again. Just give me a chance to get up.”
“I’m not Lars,” Lomones said.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Just don’t leave me.” Lin wiggled helplessly for him.
“Solea is sick,” Lomones said. “I am going to visit her next. I will come back for you.”
Tears swam in her eyes. “Then untie me first,” she pleaded. “I promise that I won’t do anything bad, but just untie me first.”
“You’re not tied up. You’re very sick.”
“Untie my fingers then. That’s all I ask. I’m very scared.” She started crying.
Lomones walked to the door. “Pidge!” In a minute, a tired-looking girl came to him.
“Did you want something?” Pidge asked mildly.
“Lin needs help.”
Pidge looked over Lin. “Obviously.”
“I want you to take care of Lin until I return. I will give you—”
Pidge shook her head. “If you want me to watch her, then you have to take her out of here,” she said mildly. “Matron won’t allow me to tend after her.”
Lomones looked annoyed. “I will tell the matron to allow you to do this.”
“And the matron will ignore you. She doesn’t exactly trust you, if you know what I mean.” When Lomones glared at her, she shrugged. “I am just speaking the truth. Matron will want me to work on something more important and Lin will be abandoned. It’s as simple as that.”
“Then I will pay Matron enough to make it worth her time,” Lomones said, gritting his teeth.
“Or, how about another idea,” Pidge suggested, her eyes gleaming. “She wants Lars desperately. In fact, you can even say that the absence of Lars is enough to stress her out. Last time I checked, stress isn’t a good thing in these sorts of cases. Anyway, you take her and me to Lars. I help Lin out there, Lars gets to see her, Lin gets to see Lars, and everyone is happy.”
“And you look good to Lars.” Lomones’s voice was blank.
Pidge grinned. “There’s that too.”
“You do realize that Lars is not her real father?”
“Yes, but he probably knows who is.”
Lomones bit his lip. “I don’t know,” he began.
“She needs to be with Lars,” Pidge said emphatically. “When my wife was pregnant for the third time, she lost our child and it just crushed her. The doctor wanted to keep me away from her, because she had certain complications, but I insisted that I should stay with her. And afterwards, my wife told me that she was glad I did, otherwise she would probably just waste away without me.”
“You’re the model husband, I’m sure,” Lomones hissed.
Pidge shook his head. “Hardly. But I am just being honest. The reason why she lived was because she was with me. And now, if you want to increase her chance of survival, you need to bring her to Lars again so she can get his support. It makes sense.”
Yes, it did make sense. And Segius would be able to tend Lin too. He wasn’t as good a healer as Lomones was, but he wasn’t bad and he could certainly take care of Lin. The asylum wasn’t far away and the trip wouldn’t take too long. It was possible, very possible. The only problem was Lars. Lomones groaned. “Did Matron force Lin to take the poison, or did Lin take it out of her own accord?”
Pidge shrugged. “I always assumed that Matron did it.”
“But do you know for sure?”
“No. But knowing Matron, why not believe it?”
Lomones frowned. “Lars is going to be upset.”
“Why would he be? This just means that he has another chance to make her pregnant again.” When Lomones glared at her, Pidge shrugged. “Hey, I am just stating the truth!”
Of course she was. After all, knowing Lars, he probably didn’t give a damn about Lin. And, from their discussion, he was certain that Lars wouldn’t have developed any relationship with Lin, had she not become pregnant. But that didn’t mean that Lomones liked the truth.
“What if he abandons her because of what happened?” Lomones said. “The only reason why he wanted to form a relationship was because she was pregnant.”
Pidge snorted. “Who told you that?”
“Lars.”
“Then he lied to one of us. I thought it seemed quite clear that he was very much in love with Lin.”
“It was just to get a job,” Lomones said.
“Then he’s a damn good liar. Not many people can lie with their entire lifestyles. Or did you see how much he did to provide for himself when he could have easily just married Lin as she was pregnant? He was trying to impress her. He couldn’t have made that more obvious!”
Lomones ignored Pidge and knelt down to Lin, who was still straining to get up. When she felt Lomones touch her, she wept and nuzzled her head on his hand, whimpering, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” over and over again.
“Lin, I am taking you to Lars,” Lomones said. “Would you like that?”
She stiffened. “But I can’t move! I can’t move! I’m all tied up.”
“I will carry you to Lars, and then he will take care of you. You will like what he does.”
She perked up at this. “But I’m not dressed,” she started.
“Since when has this been a problem?” When she smiled, he smiled back. “I will pick you up and carry you out now. Then you will be with Lars.”
He wrapped her in blankets before he cradled her in his arms and picked her up. She felt horribly light. At first, he was afraid that the sudden motion would make her nauseous, but she didn’t seem to notice. In fact, she didn’t seem to notice anything.
“Lin?” he asked. “Are you okay?”
She nuzzled her head into his chest. “Want me to tell you a secret?” she said, her voice slurring with exhaustion as he picked her up.
“What is that?”
“I think I love you.”
Lomones smirked. “Is that so?”
“Yes. You’re very nice. And you have big strong arms.” She yawned. “Don’t tell Lars.”
“Just as long as you don’t tell my wife!” he said, chuckling.
“I won’t,” Lin said solemnly.
Lomones motioned Pidge to follow him and then he headed out of the widow’s home. Jos eyed them warily before they left, but said nothing to them as they walked out.
“Does the world still look blue?” Lomones asked Lin, once they were outside.
“No. It looks black.” She yawned again. “Lars?”
“You’ll see him soon,” Lomones promised. “You’ll see him soon.”
