The Cherry Code-Chapter 5-Diving a little TOO deep

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"Amiria! Amiria wake up! Amiria can you hear me? AMIRIA!!!!"
Astor's voice was drifting further away, I couldn't remember anything before then. All I was able to do was lay there. My limbs felt weak, like the stems of the lillies floating in the river. I tried to fight the drowsiness within me but it was no use. I drifted back into a deep sleep.

When I awoke the sun was low in the western sky, groggly sitting up I looked around. My eyesight was a bit fuzzy and the forest and riverbed looked like a mess of greens, blues and browns. Staggering over to the river bank I plunged my face into the crisp cold water opening my eyes so that the river water could clean my vision suddenly everything came back to me. I jolted my head out of the water and flung it back to the campsite. There was no sight of Astor. I walked over to the place we had put our bags the night before, his was there just as he had left it but mine had been dumped out and spread across the area around it. I gathered up everything throwing it into my bag then ran over to my sleeping bag where, at the feet I had hid the diary and the knife. Thanking GOD that they were both still there I scanned the area for signs of a struggle.

About three feet from my sleeping bag lay a white cloth with a blueish stain on it. I picked it up cautiously and sniffed it. Immediatly I felt my legs weakening and my eyesight started to go hazy again. I sat down and took long breaths. What is that? Is that why I can't remember when I went to sleep? My head spun and I reached over for my water and splashed it onto my face. After around five minutes of just breathing, I felt normal again. What a strange thing...

I stayed at the campsite for another three days hoping that Astor had just wondered off and he would be back soon but he never came. I knew I had to keep going so I gathered all of our belongings and packed them into the canoe that was resting innocently on the surface of the shimmering river. Taking one last look at the camsite I jumped into the canoe and started down the river.

It was a long week full of hard work that I had been used to sharing with Astor and I often found myself pretending he was there and talking to him. I never got an answer and I never had enough heart to go through his bag. I had tried once but it felt like I would be disturbing a memory. Only when my head started pounding and my nose became stuffy did I go into Astors bag for the Elderberries we had stored there. The first thing I saw upon opening the bag was a little white piece of paper that hadn't been there before Astor went missing. I picked it up and slowly unfolded it. I read it once blinked a few times then read it again.

"To the Girl who has the power to obtain what I want,
As you have hopefully gathered, your dear friend Astor will not be returned to you until I see fit to release him.
I want what only you can give to me, The Cherry Code.
I will never be far behind you and I will always know where you are.
You will not be able to see me and no, Astor will not accompany me.
I have put him under the control of my assistant and he is not to bring Astor until I have The Cherry Code.
If you want Astor back here's what needs to happen.
When you reach the Aloe Mansion, to the left of the enterence is a large willow.
Two feet above groundlevel on the northern side of the trunk is a hole.
When you retrive the Cherry Code you are to put it into the hole.
The next day Astor will be returned, unharmed.
If you fail to do this and make off with the Cherry Code on your own, Astor will die.
His life is in your hands.
Faithfully Yours:
Guy"


What was I supposed to do now? Betray my tribe to save Astor, or betray Astor to save my tribe? When I got home it would only be a short time before I became chief and I had hoped that I would appoint Astor as my advisor, now I had to make the hardest desision of my life. How was I supposed to know what to choose. Astor had always been there for me no matter what and how could I leave him now that he was in trouble. All because I didn't try to go after him when he called. I felt low and stupid. I couldn't breath for the fear that the answer was on the tip of my tounge and if I breathed, it would jump out and I wouln't be able to handle it.

I couldn't help but read the letter again. I tried to find some sort of a loophole but there was none. I couldn't even respond to the letter to try and negotiate different terms. How could I have been so stupid? Why didn't I try to get to Astor when he was calling? Hadn't I heard the fear in his voice? All I could tell was that this time I have dived a little too deep into danger and with every hour that I spent in the canoe getting closer to the Cherry Code, I was diving deeper.

"No, Astor no.." I whispered to the trees. The river was silent I looked behind me and saw a flash of black dart into the forest. Guy, it had to be. I fought the urge to pull off and chase him remembering the blue stuff I kept my eyes ahead and didn't look back. Hot tears cascaded silently down my tanned face and my blonde hair blew in my face. I stopped paddling and let the river sweep me away.
Last edited by BlondieMissyAngel on Thu Aug 25, 2011 8:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
Going down a rabbit hole, get away from all we know!




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Good job, Madi. Very interesting, I absolutly love it! There are few spelling mistakes found though, first "lillys" is supposed to be spelled "lilies" and secondly "sturggle" sould be "struggle" then "jummped" should be "jumped", "while" should be "white". Also, I think that " The next day Astor will be returned unharmed" should have a comma between "returned" and "unharmed", other than that it was a lovely chapter! I can't wait for chapter 6! Love you lots sis!




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Considering I read the last chapter of this I may as well do this one as well!
BlondieMissyAngel wrote:What was I supposed to do now? Betray my tribe to save Astor, or betray Astor to save my tribe? When I got home it would only be a short time before I became chief and I had hoped that I would appoint Astor as my advisor, now I had to make the hardest desision of my life. How was I supposed to know what to choose? Astor had always been there for me no matter what and how could I leave him now that he was in trouble. All because I didn't try to go after him when he called. I felt low and stupid. I couldn't breath for the fear that the answer was on the tip of my tounge and if I breathed, it would jump out and I wouln't be able to handle it.

This is the only bit I have to comment on here, which is a bit annoying really (for you as it means this isn't the best review). I was wondering why she didn't have a more extreme reaction to this? She just sort of wonders what she's going to do, put doesn't freak out about whats happened. Wasn't she talking to Astor/ having Astor talk to her right at the beginning of the chapter? So obviously, when she wakes up she assumes he'll still be with her, if not fairly nearby.
I don't know about you but if I was in this situation I'd be terrified, not to mention having a big panic attack at the thought of making this tough decision!
Now Amiria is probably a lot more calm and collected than myself, but I'd still like to see some kind of more emotional reaction! Other than that keep it up!




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I liked this chapter. I saw one mistake and there was one thing I didn't understand...

BlondieMissyAngel wrote:What was I supposed to do now? Betray my tribe to save Astor, or betray Astor to save my tribe? When I got home it would only be a short time before I became chief and I had hoped that I would appoint Astor as my advisor, now I had to make the hardest desision I think you mean decision of my life. How was I supposed to know what to choose. Astor had always been there for me no matter what and how could I leave him now that he was in trouble. trouble? you just asked yourself a question so it should end in a question mark All because I didn't try to go after him when he called. I felt low and stupid. I couldn't breath breathe for the fear that the answer was on the tip of my tounge tongue and if I breathed, it would jump out and I wouln't wouldn't be able to handle it.


Just some really little mistakes that need correcting.

BlondieMissyAngel wrote:"No, Astor no.." I whispered to the trees. The river was silent I looked behind me and saw a flash of black dart into the forest. Guy, it had to be. I fought the urge to pull off and chase him remembering the blue stuff I kept my eyes ahead and didn't look back. Hot tears cascaded silently down my tanned face and my blonde hair blew in my face. I stopped paddling and let the river sweep me away.


What do you mean by remembering the blue stuff? Waht blue stuff? Maybe you should put what it is. I think it might also be better if you said what is was instead of putting 'stuff'
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