Room 219

Spoiler

So, this is me trying to battle against this awful writer's block that I have. I wanted to do something, and this is the result. I could actually say it's a mix of writer's block and absolutely no motivation, but I actually kinda like this. Anyway, any reviews are great, and please enjoy!

He hadn’t moved from the bed for hours. It wasn’t like he really had anywhere to go anyway. He stared down at the floor of the hotel room in thought, pinching the bridge of his nose. This was just like all the other times, so why was it affecting him so much this time? He sighed deeply and raked a hand through his copper colored hair. He needed time to think, but not here, no. It was too musty in there, too cramped.

He couldn’t just leave though. Not without taking care of that little problem of his first. His blue eyes trailed over to the side of the bed, seeing a limp hand there. It belonged to the woman that he had just killed. He had led her in here with the promise of giving her drugs and instead just slit her throat. He had hesitated though and she had managed to claw him on his cheek before he had killed her. It was going to leave a nasty scar. He needed to somehow erase that. How though?

After several minutes he stood and moved over to her body, looking down at her. She was rather beautiful, even with the drugs that had been in her system. He didn’t know what she had been strung out on though; he figured it must’ve been the good stuff. He scowled at the hand she had used to scratch him and looked at the knife that was on the nightstand. It was still soaked in her blood, but it’d have to do.

An hour later he exited the bathroom, a bloody towel wrapped up in his hand. He looked down at her again, noting how strange her hand looked without those missing fingers and placed it into the pocket of his cargo pants. No one would notice it. Besides, if they had, he’d just kill them too. He slid the knife into its usual holder and pulled the bottom of his tanktop over the handle to hide it before he went towards the door. He looked back at her once more, frowning. Was this remorse he was feeling? Was that actually possible? He’d given that up so long ago. Oh well, it was too late now. He opened the door and left, leaving the key to Room 219 in the lock.

They’d find her eventually.

Hey Wolfdra!

I liked your story it was interesting. I've been watching Law and Order SVU all night so it kind of reminded me of that. You should try adding more mystery to your story before reviling he's killed. Also maybe add why he would take the hand. Like is it a trophy, or just something to remember her by? That would make me like it more anyway.
Also how did he clean up the blood or why wasn't he covered with it. Just give us some more gruesome details.

Only one issue :

pulled the bottom of his tanktop two words over the handle to hide it before he went

Only a small error.

Thats all!

PM me or post on my wall if you have any questions!

-Boo

Hello there, Wolfdra! ^^

Hmm. What you have given us here is quite insufficient. Although you have an interesting story plot, you have failed building a bridge between your characters and your readers. As far as the story is concern, I don't think I have fully understood your character's situation. Perhaps because there weren't enough thoughts delivered throughout the piece or the story lacked real emotions. It was just a bit blurry for me. You haven't give us the reason why he killed the woman without any sympathy or guilt or satisfaction, or even as to how he and that woman met. This might be a flash fiction but I hope you're not limiting yourself by writing barely a tinge of a dimension, which is wrong. You need to dig deeper because stories that are intriguing(suspense) can make your readers crave for more, and we know every writer likes that.

Second of all, this is incredibly short. I don't mean that you have to dump adjectives here and there, or write random thoughts to make this longer. But perhaps revealing more of your character's personality and let us feel that we are also in your character's place. Let us see the blood-stained sheets or smell that blood-filled room that can make us throw up or make our stomach churn. Let us also know your character's feelings and reactions as I've said before. Did he felt bad afterwards? Or more satisfied even? What were the drugs for? How is he related to the woman? Personally, I adore stories like this, but what you're offering right here isn't enough for me to read this over again. I would highly suggest that you need to build more the atmosphere. You lack descriptions here, and I tell you, those are the important elements in a story. However, I don't want you to blandly tell us the place, show it. Make us feel that we're in the same place as your character's.

All in all, this has a lot of potential. I know you have much more up to your sleeve. Let me know if you have any questions. ^^

Keep writing,
Yuri

The only thing I can say is that I know I could do alot more to it, but this wasn't meant to be a serious piece [giving alot of my time into I mean.] I can see you didn't really read the spoiler, so I'll re-tell it, I have writer's block. This was an attempt to actually just write something, and I know it sucks, but I like it anyway. I told this to boo too, I didn't want to make it an overly gory peice, which is why I left out that he cut her fingers off.

This is personally just me, and I know you probably don't know me, but the advice you've given me is a little redundant. I know how to develop characters [I have two other intros into two different stories on here as well, they're just old] but as I said before, this is just an attempt to battle writer's block. Of course it's going to suck. I'm not going to develop it more though, or at least, not at the moment.

Hey Wolfdra!

Maybe the reason why you have writer's block is because you don't really care to go further in your stories? I mean, I read your story and it has an interesting premise, but basically no action or really anything. It's almost like you're scared to write it. So, instead of delving into the actual death and his motive, you are distancing yourself from the character. So, I realize that you are just doing this as an exercise so you can write and everything but... is this typical of your writing? If so, these sorts of stories may bore you, but because you want to write, you will write anything. And, since these stories are the only ones that you know you can write well, you're writing them, but not really out of love but out of desperation.

Does this make sense?

If I am reading this wrong, then ignore me. But, if this seems to ring true with you, try writing something completely different. Don't pin yourself to a genre because you know you can write that genre "well." From your writing, it sounds like you are comfortable writing in this sort of fashion, but you're bored with this. Write something else and see if it becomes more exciting. Experiment. Don't be afraid to write utter crap. It'll turn out better with practice, trust me.