Clique Breaker:Chapter Seven

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The debate team was having it's huge competition with our rival school, Lakeway High. This school was undefeated but I still had courage in our school team. If our sport's teams can remain undefeated, than so can the debate team. We were suppose to meet at the high school meaning a long bus ride, leaving me enough time to think. It's been weeks since I saw Kathleen and Jerome. I made a mental note to avoid Kathleen at all times. Kathleen loved power. Yet again, she couldn't really handle it. Like a true king, her power should be used to not only benefit herself but to benefit those she has power over. She could be a role model for those girls and probably the logical one in her clique, but no. She had no idea that the power she held was going to be cut short if she kept this up. Kathleen needed a role model herself. A good one.
Jerome was actually someone I wanted to talk to but I held fear in my heart and could not find the courage to face him, alone. I did believe that there was good in everybody but the good in Jerome was very deeply hidden. If I wanted to help him find it, we had to trust each other. I would have to let my guard down but would it be worth it?

"Ms.Matthews, are you mentally preparing for the debate?" the supervisor, Mr. Shift, asked

I nodded my head in response. He looked at me, meaning that he knew I was lying.

I shrugged and gave him a sheepish smile " Or not"

"Keep your head in the game, Ms.Matthews. We need you. "

He walked back to his seat in the front. Everyone was enjoying themselves but their eagerness could not rub off on me. I was contemplating of what to do with Jerome and I was thinking about something else.....this school. Back at my school-I went to a performing arts school-we had cliques too. Everywhere they have their cliques. But just because we had different views and different connections, it didn't mean that we couldn't be a team. By the end of a really good performance, high fives and hugs were given, smiles were exchanged. People even made new friends. I could guess it was because we all shared a common passion. Even by the time I left, there was almost no sign of cliques. I just wondered if Prescott could go through the same changes.

"Ms.Matthews, are you going to join us?" Mr.Shift, asked

I finally noticed that everyone was out of the bus and I had remained in my seat, staring out the window. I got out of my seat and walked out of the bus.

"You okay?" Marcus asked, when I went to stand next to him

"Yeah, I'm fine" I lied. My attitude wasn't going to affect us in the competition. No, I was in the thinking mood. This could actually benefit us or if not controlled, could really cost us that trophy.

We walked to the entrance for the auditorium and were escorted to our seats. I wonder what the other team looked like. Were they as threatening as their reputation? Soon, the whole auditorium had filled and we were to put in our first debater. There were three rounds. The first was going to be a group debate, the second, a duo and the last one was going to be a single debate. I was going last. Good. Enough time for me to try to focus.

The lights started to dim and a stout man with grayish white man walked to the middle of the stage and took the microphone.

"Welcome to the state debate competition. Here we have the two opposing teams. Prescott Academy" he gestured to where we were seating;we received scattered clapping " And our undefeated team, Lakeway High."

The whole team stood up and my heart sank. I wonder if it was possible to join a school's rival team, because standing with them was Jerome. He looked directly at me and smiled. He was also going last.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Time had gone by and Lakeway was in the lead by only a few points. If I could get a perfect score of ten, then we could win this.

"Okay, we are going to start our individual debate. Please, can the individual debaters make their way to their podium"

My legs were shaking when I got off my seat and walked on the stage. Jerome walked casually, still giving me that sinister smile of his. He could tell I was scared, giving him enough confidence to probably win this.

"State your names"

This gave me a sense of deja-vu. "Jay Matthews"

"Jerome Wilkins"

"Okay, our topic is about gay marriage. Please pick your side"

Jerome scoffed and then scowled " Against"

I didn't want to use my Christianity as an excuse. I was going to have use my personal facts to do this.

"Why are you against gay marriage?" the judge asked Jerome

"I am a devout christian"Strike One. The audience didn't look pleased " So naturally I'm against it because being gay to me is ungodly"

"I see where you're coming from, but me personally, is also against it but I don't support it"

"So you are in the middle" the judge asked. I nodded "Explain"

"I am in the middle because people who are homosexual are usually treated like another species but they're just as human as me and you. They deserve to be happy. Also, even though homosexuality is against my beliefs, I am taught to hate the sin, not the sinner. Marriage on the other hand makes me not support it because, as I have just said, homosexuality is against my beliefs,and supporting it would be betraying my God. I don't have anything against gay people."

The judge nodded and then turned to Jerome. Jerome just stood there, speechless.

"Would you like to comment on that-"

Before the judge could finish his sentence, Jerome ran off the stage and out of the auditorium. Prescott won by forfeit.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Hey, there's our intimidating debater" Marcus said, the next day at lunch.

Skye smiled. "I'm happy for you."

I took in the compliments but even after we got our picture taken and I held that trophy, with the gold medal around my neck, I didn't feel like a winner.

"You're sad?" Skye asked, as we walked to art class together

I shrugged and let out an exhausted breath.

"You won by forfeit...so what's the big deal?"

I didn't really know. I was still stuck on the real reason I wasn't feeling so much as a champion.

"Is it because it wasn't much of a challenge? It was an easy win?"

"I'm not conceited Skye-"

"Well it kinda seems like you are. Accept your victory and get on with your life"

I was hurt that Skye was assuming that I was conceited and her lack of being supportive. I remembered what my dad told me to do in times like this. Just forgive her because life will be much easier. I rolled my eyes.

We made it to art class and sat in our designated seats. Our art teacher, Mr. Lyte, was going to teach us how to make sculptures out of clay and throughout his whole speech, I couldn't help noticing the boy sitting on the opposite side of the room, looking at Skye. He was very cute. He had dark red hair and gray eyes. In his hands, were two tickets. It finally hit me. Next week was the winter ball.

I nudged Skye and pointed at the table where the boy was sitting. His name was Daniel.

"I never seen him before" she whispered. It surprised me because she was actually blushing. After Mr.Lyte was done with his speech, we were sent to gather our supplies. Daniel walked over to our table and put the tickets on Skye's seat. After class, I decided to leave them alone to talk. I trusted this boy with her. I just hoped I was right.

The heels of my boots clicked on the floor as I walked to my locker. The moment I saw it, I nearly screamed. Taped to the locker door were roses and a ticket to the winter ball. When I went to take a closer look, a pair of hands covered my eyes;a pit grew in my stomach.

"Tyrone, I'm not in the mood " I said, in a stern voice

"I would go away if I was Tyrone" Marcus?

I turned around and he smiled at me. He took off the roses and the tickets, kneeling down.

"Will you, Jay Sophia Matthews" -I cringed when he said my middle name-"Go to the winter ball with me?"

I blushed "Oh I don't know. People will say things once they see me canoodling with the president"

"Canoodling?"

I chuckled and blushed even more" Yes I will go with you"

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" he screamed. He ran off in the hallway and did a back flip. I had never seen so much excitement. He ran back to me and gave me a tight hug. In his arms, I could feel a sense of security.
True confidence leaves no room for jealousy. When you know your are great, you have no need to hate.
-Nicki Minaj




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Wowee! As Skins would say you're 'cranking these out like a raccoon on steroids these days!' Seriously, I've seen so many of your chapters recently I'm a little jealous of the pace you can write at!
You've occasionally missed the full stop at the end of a few sentences and there was one in there that I couldn't make sense of:
AngelKnight900 wrote:"I see where you're coming from, but me personally, is also against it but I don't support it"
There's just something strange about it.

Other than that, this is good but I felt the first separation wasn't needed. It just gave an unnecessary jump. Keep typing!
Icy




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I'm back to this, and I'll see if I can delve deeper into the beginning vs end of the story this second time around :)
AngelKnight900 wrote:The debate team was having it's huge competition with our rival school, Lakeway High. This school was undefeated but I still had courage in our school team. If our sport's teams can remain undefeated, than so can the debate team. We were suppose to meet at the high school meaning a long bus ride, leaving me enough time to think. It's been weeks since I saw Kathleen and Jerome. I made a mental note to avoid Kathleen at all times. Kathleen loved power. Yet again, she couldn't really handle it. Like a true king, her power should be used to not only benefit herself but to benefit those she has power over. She could be a role model for those girls and probably the logical one in her clique, but no. She had no idea that the power she held was going to be cut short if she kept this up. Kathleen needed a role model herself. A good one.
Jerome was actually someone I wanted to talk to but I held fear in my heart and could not find the courage to face him, alone. I did believe that there was good in everybody but the good in Jerome was very deeply hidden. If I wanted to help him find it, we had to trust each other. I would have to let my guard down but would it be worth it?

I figured I'd just quote the first paragraph and talk to you about that, considering it's your biggest potential hook for this chapter (along with the ending paragraph, which I'll get to in a minute).
You need to be careful here, that you don't dump too much information on the reader in one go. A large paragraph is often where you become in the most danger of doing this, and the reader will sometimes skip onto the next part.
I try to leave out the parts that people skip. ~Elmore Leonard
This is a good quote to try and write by. If you think you've just written something that a reader would merely skim across, try to leave it out. Of course, this is what editing is for.
You also need to watch your tenses in the first couple of sentences, sometimes you slipped into present when you shouldn't have but I think that by simply reading your piece over (out loud often helps) you will be able to get rid of these.

Last paragraph
AngelKnight900 wrote:"Yes! Yes! Yes!" he screamed. He ran off in the hallway and did a back flip. I had never seen so much excitement. He ran back to me and gave me a tight hug. In his arms, I could feel a sense of security.

Right, this could be a really good hook, but you need more I think. The last line should be a more dramatic statement, and one that makes the reader want to read on. Yours is slightly on the more simple side. See if you can crank it up a notch!



grammar is hard and i dislike it immensely
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