The Most Awesome Story Ever

Spoiler

Warning: Contains explicit use of the word ‘awesome’.

There once was a man who was awesome.
Everywhere he went people would bow down before his awesomeness.

"He's so awesome!" they'd decree.
"Hail the awesome one!" they’d declare.
"His awesomeness rivals the awesomeness of even the most awesome!" they’d state, quite exuberantly.

One day, as a young lad, while staring at his awesome reflection in a pond, a realization dawned upon The Awesome One.

"My God," he whispered, "I'm totally awesome."

He then set out on a quest to perform awesome feats of awesomeness for all the world to witness. Every now and then a non-believer would challenge his awesomeness.

"I believe myself to be more awesome in standing!" he'd say.

The awesome warrior would simply laugh and strike a pose.
The challenger would immediately be blown away by the force of sheer awesomeness.

"I wish I'd never doubted his awesomeness—!" the non believer would shriek, before being obliterated by the previously aforementioned ray of awesomeness.

The Awesome One grew so awesome that he soon ascended to the height of political power. Using his awesomeness as a tool, The Awesome One’s country soon developed into the most awesome country in the history of awesomeness.

But despite his awesomeness, the Awesome One grew sad; for he had no one to share his awesomeness with.
Any woman who dared kiss the face of the Awesome One tended to spontaneously combust later due to overexposure of pure awesomeness.

The Awesome One was facing a seriously unawesome problem.

He declared a competition to seek out all the most awesome women in the land.
Alas, none rivaled his own level of awesomeness.

Finally, a lone woman approached wearing non-awesome clothes, and a non-awesome hairdo.

"Allow me to try, your Awesomeness," she implored him.

The Awesome One was intrigued.

"What makes you so awesome that you believe you can stand alongside my awesomeness?"
The Unawesomely-Dressed Woman replied: "Because I do not dress awesome, act awesome, or shop at awesomely expensive convenience stores. I am myself, and therefore am the most awesome of all."

The Awesome One was speechless. He fell upon his awesome hands, the impact of which created the Great Reef, and wept his awesome tears, which formed the Indian Ocean. The Unawesomely-Dressed Woman comforted him.

They were soon wed.
The wedding was awesome.

They went on to continue a legacy of awesomeness, which still stands as the most awesome display of awesomeness ever known in the world of awesomeness.

And they lived awesomely ever after.

Spoiler

Thanks to all who enjoyed this. Never thought it'd get this much attention. Several year old piece posted for fun. I honestly consider it my worst work. But still; Yayz! Feel free to request a review in turn. And if you like this, check out my pieces Go to Hell, Forgetful, or Chronicles of Bob, which are WAY WAY WAY Funnier,

I thought after a couple paragraphs this would just get annoying, but after I finished it I couldn't help but laugh. I don't really have a review for you since I know this wasn't meant to be anything serious and I can't find any grammar errors, but great job and I got my smile from something that should have been stupid in for the day

This made me laugh. ^^ I'm not sure if you really want me to give you a proper and structured review. But as I can see, I don't think I need to nitpick every sentences or tell you about grammar this and that. However, it could have been better (and more awesome, in my opinion lol) if you have more descriptions about your character's "awesomeness" or something like that. Anyways, I just love the way you kept writing the word "awesome" in every sentences. And I agree that this is the most awesome story ever! lol



^ Way to go for writing "awesome" four times in a row!

Being that this felt like a joke story, I won't be so harsh on it. But in reality, there isn't much to criticise. I loved it. I was laughing by the end and at everything you used the word awesome. I knew this would be good after reading your spoiler. The part where he looks at his reflection, I though it would become a homage to Narcissist, but nope. He's too awesome to be drawn into that trap. Though I would have liked it if you expanded the love part at the end though. That felt really short.

Note: Wouldn't awesome + non-awesome = normal? Just asking.

I think you've posted this before, quite some time ago. Reposting it?

Lol, I was going to say, "The Most Awesome Story Ever? Getting a little big-headed, aren't you?" but then I started reading it...and actually now I kind of have to say that yes, this was the most awesome story ever. ^_^ It made me giggle.

I wish politicians actually were awesome...sadly, they seem to not be awesome at all. At least most of them. (If they were our countries would all be awesome and our problems would all be solved, right?)

I loved the message here - you know, the person who seems "unawesome" is the "awesomest" of all because she is herself (which IS pretty awesome). The only nitpicks I have to make are these:

"I wish I'd never doubted his awesomeness—!" the non believer would shriek, before being obliterated by the previously aforementioned ray of awesomeness.

"Previously aforementioned" is redundant, just pick one.

And:

"Because I do not dress awesome, act awesome, or shop at awesomely expensive convenience stores. I am myself. And therefore am the most awesome of all."

I would really love an "I" before the "am" in that last sentence. I guess you don't HAVE to have one, but it just bugs me that there's not one.

Other than that...

Awesome!

~Blue

Wow. This was truly the awesomest story ever. It was so awesome that I fell upon my knees and burst into tears (of laughter), but unfortunately oceans don't form from my unawesome tears.

c: Overall, this was absolutely amazing! I was a little bit... scared, when I saw the title, but I loved it. You had me laughing the whole way through, and the ending was perfect. I particularly liked the message you had behind all of the awesomeness. Great job!

I gotta admit...even the silly, not serious whatsoever stories that you create are amazing. I found nothing wrong with it, since I'm pretty sure everything else has already been pointed out (I'm not sure, I wasn't reading the other reviews). This lighthearted story made me laugh, and you know you are an amazing author when you can create really serious stories AND not so serious stories and make them well....awesome! Thanks for sharing your story, it just made my day ^.^

Wow this was fricken awesome! (pun intended) It was insanely clever and at first I thought it would just have a stupid ending about how awesome he was but you actually found a way to make the story have a moral or meaning even though the word awesome was in every sentence at least once. Ha ha I'm so happy you posted this I loved it! Thanks for making my night!
Peace,
Snickerdooly

This is simply awesome, dude. :p Yes, like what some had said, I also thought this was going to be one annoying short. I was wrong.

The Unawesomely-Dressed Woman replied: "Because I do not dress awesome, act awesome, or shop at awesomely expensive convenience stores. I am myself, and therefore am the most awesome of all."

This made my day. Thanks a lot, mike.

Oh! And congratulations, btw. Keep writing!!! Can't wait to read more of your shorts.

Awesome. <3

Ah love this! XD

I assume this was written primarily for fun for you, so I'm not going to approach it as if it were written with other intentions in store. Other than perhaps highlighting a cultural obsession with a word with such a broad scope of meaning that it's hard to define without itself. But even that is something I pulled from outside knowledge, not the story, so if you were going for even the slightest shred of social commentary or anything beyond entertainment, it's buried entirely beneath the humor.

I didn't enjoy this as much as the others did. It was entertaining at first and it did make me chuckle a little, but after a while, it became wearing. And, to be honest, it came off as arrogant to me. No, not because of the title. The piece itself. I've read some of your other work, and from that work, I know you have writing skills. Yet, you wrote this.

There's nothing wrong with writing fun, light pieces, so that's not the beef I have. I love silly poems about that one bleeping squeaky chair in the lecture hall, or spoofs or parodies where the girl ends up being the vampire or the dragon's the poor underestimated one.

To be frank, this here just seemed engineered to get Likes and praise and compliments. But it left me empty. Partly because I know you're capable of much better things to either side of the serious spectrum, and partly because the piece is just full of itself. It's safe. No risk involved. The rock star singing an old crowd favorite that he doesn't even really like, not because he cares about what the crowd wants but because he's afraid of taking that artistic risk and having it not work out.

There once was a man who was awesome.

That's really the only line you need. That's the entire story. That's the line that made me laugh the most, that brought me the most joy. It said everything. Everything beyond came off as mere indulgence to me, especially the middle section, which deprived me of my right as a reader to challenge the main character's supposed awesome.

You could go the other way too, of course. There's a rampant obsession with the word awesome and the concept of awesome in American culture. You could so something with that.

Rach

What a great story! No... great doesn't really seem to cover it. What's the word I'm looking for?? Ah, there it it - awesome! Although a ludicrous tale and strangely written you've actually managed to get a messaged hidden in here! I'm jealous! Keep on writing, and keep on making us laugh
MrsM

Wow. That was awesome.

This was so AWESOME! I loved it, it was so cute. Mr. Awesome needs to find Mrs. Awesome. Keep Writing!

Nike