Resisting Rhys Chapter 4

TAKING THIS DOWN, IF ANYONE WANTS TO READ MY WORK, IT'S ON WATTPAD

Haha! I really enjoyed this. It had just the right mixture of sincerity, hilarity and confusion. You've done a good job with it.
The one thing I wanted to mention was the asterisk in place of the 'i'. Either put the full word or substitute it. As far as I'm concerned it looks tacky and unprofessional the way you have it at the moment. Other than that this was a great read so keep writing!

i must say, you did a good job on this. it's awesome. keep writing!!

Hello.
I didn't read your earlier chapters, but I understood what was going on. I enjoyed it.
When the girls were talking, it seemed very natural. They said some things that were cute and funny, and they fit right in. You didn't seem to struggle to include a little bit of humor in your work. I would have liked to maybe see more descriptions of the girls, though. One has blonde hair and one has light brown. Okay, but what are they wearing? Does Tatum look at them and see designer clothes and assume they are stuck up?

The other thing to fix is your punctuation...

For the rest of the day, I dragged on like a zombie, unable to find the strength to care about anything that went on in any of my classes. What was the point anymore? In two weeks, I’d have to leave the school and start over again.

You should have commas here. One way to explain this would be that you should put commas after introductory phrases. You can also read it out loud and put commas where you pause naturally, but that may not work for everyone. I know that I tend to speak fast, so it's sometimes difficult to do it that way...There were a few others like this throughout the chapter, but I don't want to sit here and nitpick it.

I think your novel is an original and creative idea. I'm sure that many teenage girls and women would enjoy to read it. I hope to see more of it,

McMourning