Ka! Ta! Na!

Spoiler

I feel like I need to add something...
The last stanza was added in, but I dunno if it really fits...
Oh, yes, and the last line is what Shinrai said to me the other day :/

Ka! Ta! Na!
Three syllables.
Three breaths laced with
adrenaline.
Sword in hand.

Courage! Strength! Faith!
In the sword maker,
in the One who gave me breath
to fight,
to live,
to love.

I! Love! You!
I’ll scream it so that my throat
lights ablaze.
If I cannot be a butterfly in your dreams
then I shall stay the monster under your bed
and eat your nightmares away.

Shout! Cry! Fall!
But we’ll catch you,
He and I.
Drink your own tears,
so that in pain,
you – NO! – we
can grasp the other’s hilt and hand,
raise them high,

and never cry alone again!

I'm not really sure what to say about this, except that it's very unique, a bit confusing at times, but interesting to read

So I like it...yeah

XD

Hi there, Life here to comment (as you can't really call this is a review).

Off the bat, this had that hint of epicosity which rang well with the words themselves. The first line, with the seperation of "Ka! Ta! Na!" sort of annoyed me to be honest. A part of me really likes the idea, like how it seems to be shouted with passion, but... I'm not sure. It just bugs me. Nothing wrong with the next lines though, they're good.

I like how you make the speaker give credit to the swordmaker, as without that person, his existence would be vastly different. Great idea. Fight, live, love... Again, liking it. Oh, and how everything is in groups of three, which runs parallel with the syllables in Katana. Okay, I'm just rambling and telling you everything you already know. I'll just cut to the chase after one more comment:

If I cannot be a butterfly in your dreams
then I shall stay the monster under your bed
and eat your nightmares away.

Amazing.
------

All in all, I like the structure. The not-so-normal structure lends it a bit of a prose-like manner, though retaining a poem-like state. Wierd... Anyhow, yeah, I liked this. Surely different from the next in line; always a good thing.

Keep at it,
|Life|

I like this poem. It's unique and sort of riddled. I like your word choice and the rhythm of the whole thing. Unfortunately, there were a few basic errors and grammar. I won't point them out, but if you reread it a few times, you'll find them. I liked your use of exclamation in the beginning and the middle. It makes me sort of feel the adrenaline, too. If there's anything I really dislike, it's that the message is a bit confusing. You should maybe try to make it clearer. Good work. Keep it up.

The grammar thing is basically just how in some sentences, you capitalized words that weren't at the beginning. It might have been intentional and it's poetry, so grammar isn't a big deal. I hope this helps.

"Courage! Strength! Faith!
In the sword maker,
in the One who gave me breath
to fight,
to live,
to love.
"

Tis my favorite part ... i really like the succession of Fight live love ...

im talking to you on FB so this is kinda just like my favorite bit haha ull be able to ask the rest on da

FACEBOOK

Heey again, seems like your poems are all over the place!
This one was quite original, I like it!
Nice stanzas!, and I like the "Three one-syllable words" that you keep adding through out the poem.
I couldn't find any flow in this though, the rythm was choppy and I think it's because of the fact that a few lines ran away far longer than others.. and try keeping your stanzas similar to each other. You've got one real good structural stanza that you should use through out most of the poem instead of adding a completely different one at times.

Overall!!!! Liked it, originial is good.! Nice job!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

I thought your poem was amazing.
I loved the repetition of three throughout the poem and the way the language flowed. It is really beautiful and emotionally charged. I really like how you used the italics and the exclamation points to add different levels to the poem.
Even though I am a little confused at what is going on, I'm still drawn to the words. I keep rereading it.

It's always good that the poem moves us. And not only mourn or laugh about, that feeling of adrenaline is also an emotion, and felt. The rhythm of the lyric keeps us from getting bored, takes us away from the monotony, which the poets seek to write and read.

I really liked this poem! It felt a bit...Samurai-ish? I don't know if that was the purpose, but that's what I got and I loved it!
A few quick thoughts:

then I shall stay the monster under your bed
and eat your nightmares away.

I felt a bit as though "eat" didn't flow quite right. I don't know what else you might use, but it stood out a bit too much, in my opinion.

and never cry alone again!

The last line feels a bit "tacked on," as does the last stanza (though to a lesser extent). It seems to stem the flow of the poem a bit.

Keep writing; I loved this!

Daisuki, I'm actually rather enthralled with this piece. In fact, I'm quite excited to say the least. It left an impression that most emotional pieces could not, plus the underlying way in which you speak of sword imagery is by far a more illustrious way of speaking to ones senses than merely blatant nature or human emotion. Quite frankly its a breathe of fresh air.

Now, as much as there were some very good parts to this poem, there were also some... not so nice parts. Not saying that this was bad in general. Just that, with a little polishing, you may have a rather interesting piece on your hands.

So lets start of with the first stanza.

What I noticed first and foremost was the fact that the last line in that stanza cut all chances of flow away. It rendered the initial emotion useless and did not appear to suit it at all. I would take that sword imagery and make it more subtle. The bluntness of that line with take away from the sweet poetic voice that we get from some of the better lines and or stanzas.

The second stanza was iffy for me. Maybe because of the fact that you are personifying the sword and yet doing so without really being subtle about it. You pretty much state what the sword would wish to say and that is about it. I'm not quite sure if I liked it all that much.

The third stanza jumps ship a bit. You don't appear to want to stick with one idea through the entirety of this so you bounce between many different ways of explaining emotion and depth. The only thing I found even somewhat reoccurring was the sword imagery and even then it was odd as you personify the sword at some points in time and yet at others you are merely using it as a reason.

What I did like, though, was the last three lines of that said stanza. Interesting imagery and a neat message. The idea that if one can't be everything than at least they can be something. Something is always better than nothing, so I appreciate that imagery quite a bit.

Now, I would like to speak about the last stanza. It is, by far, the defining part of this poem. You play with words and imagery. You are subtle yet you put your point across is a smooth, almost silky way that rolls from the tongue with a sweet precision. I adore it immensely.

If you'd like to clarify anything within this review, feel free to PM me at any time and I should be there presently!
~Walker

Hi!

Well weirdish was accurate but none-the-less I liked it.

I don't get the first line though. have I missed something with that?

I think the third stanza however, is one of the best pieces of poetry i've read, it is beautifully written, and full of emotion and imagery so well done a thousand times over!!!

And the fourth one is excellent. In fact this is one of the best poems i've read in a long time! It is amazing!

Though the last lne threw me a little, I can feel the emotion behind it, but i can't place how i'm supposed to feel? does that make sense? I

Overall though, I think this is one of the best poems i've read!

PM me for anything!

~ReDro!

I actually really like this. It is very inpsirational.

Ka! Ta! Na!
Three syllables.
Three breaths laced withLaced with adrenaline? I think you could find a better word.
adrenaline.
Sword in hand.

Courage! Strength! Faith!
In the sword maker,
in the One who gave me breathReference to God? I like it.
to fight,
to live,
to love.This is almost too much of the constant three words grouped together. I do like this stanza though, and where you're going with it. Could you find a way to say this differently? More creatively?

I! Love! You!Love it!
I’ll scream it so that my throat
lights ablaze.Good imagery and exaggeration.
If I cannot be a butterfly in your dreams
then I shall stay the monster under your bed
and eat your nightmares away.Awe! So sweet, I really like it.

Shout! Cry! Fall!
But we’ll catch you,
He and I.Amazing!
Drink your own tears,A little weird...
so that in pain,
you – NO! – weOne of my favorite lines.
can grasp the other’s hilt and hand,
raise them high,Wow, very encouraging.

and never cry alone again! I like it, it definitely captures the essence of your poem, which, in my opinion should always happen in the last line. Overall, great job, I like it, and didn't have much reviewing to do, but I hope what I did helped some. Keep writing, you're awesome!

I can say it is a bit awkward how you enter in the I love you! stuff.

Shout! Cry! Fall!
But we’ll catch you,
He and I.
Drink your own tears,
so that in pain,
you – NO! – we
can grasp the other’s hilt and hand,
raise them high,

I don't understand He and I part. Drink your own tears??

Pretty confusing if you ask me.

GREAT JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!!!

~Kat

Oh wow... I love how bouncy and upbeat this poem is, Daisuki. I sometimes bug people and say, "You have to write poems in your voice, but you've definitely done that here. With your three monosyllabic words in your lines, you've really soared with your enthusiasm here. Plus, I love how you shift the three monosyllabic words to something else and keep changing it around so that it's not static and you're not just repeating yourself over and over again. It's really good! And I love how the poem always propels itself forward and there is always action.

My only question, really, is that, "Ka! Ta! Na!" seems a little bit in the backwoods as it were. I am not sure where it comes from and I kind of wonder if it’s in a different language or just nonsense words. And, if they are nonsense words, then what is the meaning of these nonsense words?

My one suggestion, if you can call it that, is that there seems to be a story behind this — a swashbuckling story with swords and adventure. And I am kind of wondering how these things all tie in with this story. If you can expand this, that would be very awesome indeed, since it would give us some background on this story and possibly make this poem more meaningful. The problem with this, however, is that you have to make sure that you don’t expand too much, otherwise you lose your enthusiasm with the bogging down of detail. Still, a little detail might be very good in this case.

Also, by expanding on these things, you will actually help make the last line seem more relevant. Right now, it’s kind of coming in from left field, since we’re not sure why the person in question would be alone… after all, at first this seems like it were in a battle, and then suddenly you’re talking about crying alone. So, a little context might be nice here!

And yeah! This is a really nice poem. You did a really nice job propelling it forward and varying the poem so it seems dynamic and alive. Good job! I’ll be reading more from you. ;D