Onions

Onions, a layer of guilt, one of shame, and regret. That's life's fragrance - and
also a knife; you can cut them off - one by one. Throw away.
Peel off the skin like an angel's wing, hiding the devil's perfection
with divine purity. Look at that brown, wrinkled membrane and

hold on with all your might. Press with two fingers till they become white and cold.
Oh! And remember those days when you held my brown hair round your
head - torn and joyful - I buried myself in yours too; before
we became bald - round white heads with no ornament. Touch that nude

onion now. "Sin", it spells, and you must never look straight at it or you'll go
blind, so you cut it apart, view it layer by layer and
slice each one open too, let out the juices like razors behind your eyes.
Breathe in the sorry rasp of despair. And still it sits there

on the board. Make yourself touch it with your bleeding hand. Feel the sting as you
gulp, put it in the pan, turn on the heat from your heart - from your
pure soul - it never meant any harm. Cry for the loss and forgive yourself.
It's okay. Everyone cries for their own onion's cruelty.

This is really good. I liked the way each layer of the onion represented different shames. It's clever. Also, the ending was good, I thought. Other people might not like it because it's sort of blunt and obvious, but I still enjoyed it. For things you could improve, I didn't see any issues in grammar. But maybe you could be a little bit clearer in the meanings of some of your lines. Like, for one thing, why were you bleeding? Is it metaphorical? Other than that, it was a good poem. It was raw with emotion and grammatically well done. I give it two thumbs up.

This is such a beautiful piece. Seriously, it's amazing. It's wonderful how well the words flow as you read, and your imagery is fantastic.
I hate to be too terribly picky but I found one thing that was a bit weird and that was the first line.

Onions, a layer of guilt, one of shame, and regret. That's life's fragrance - and
also a knife; you can cut them off - one by one. Throw away.

The "and" at the very end of the line, especially after that hyphen, almost causes an unnatural pause when I'm reading. The hyphen created a natural stopping point, and having another one with the line break makes it feel...choppy? I guess. I don't know, that's not quite the right word, but hopefully you get the idea.
Other than that one detail, this was very well written. I cannot find a single thing wrong with this. I love your style. I want to see more!
~Devan

Hiya thanks for the good reviews! @Devan, I see what you mean with the choppy, but see I don't usually pause at line breaks at all I just use them for structure when it's written so there would only be one pause if I read it out. I needed a syllable there to fill in the dactyllic hexameter I was using

I feel like this poem is about a breakup...you purpously compared an onion to love and sin. Are you ok??? I kinda liked it despite the sad, powerless, forlorn, empty, and lonely feeling I get from reading it. Not that that's bad, as long as you WANT your readers to cry for how gross life is. Lets face it, you campared everything to onions. It all reminded me of Shrek when he said he was an onion. But, actually It's kinda....growing on me. (not talking about the fungus). Despite the unconventional way you have it set up (the choppyness) I feel that it adds a little on how the writer is feeling. I dont know about you, but I feel like I'm falling into a black whole...that smells like onions. Actually, despite my abuse, I like it. So, love, happiness, doulbe rainbows, and onions to the world. Keep up the great poetry!!!

Thank you I actually intended that the poem would be about regret in general of everyone, but now that you say it I am actually just going through a break up and that's what made me feel like that to write this poem so it's really cool that you picked that up! And yeah I'm okay haha thanks for asking

Heey, this was quite good!

Like the the imagery with the onion representing guilt and all, cool add! It was a bit depressing though... but that's not all bad, if it makes you feel, then it's real!
I didn't like the way you built your stanzas though, bit to choppy and it didn't really help the flow. I don't see why you press enter and make space when you haven't even finished the sentence.. doesn't make sense to me.
But I like the poem overall, just do some polishing and it'll be great

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

You've used quite a unique form in telling this story in your poem and for the majority of the time it worked well. I can't really comment on your use of grammer in this piece considering it's free form but I will consent to say you write very well. The structure may be a problem to some people but I think it represents the poem perfectly. Don't have it any other way!