Never Your Fairytale

This is the product of too much fan-fiction, six episodes of Camelot in two days, and much time spent Wikipedia-ing the Tudors. I rather like it Please review!

She’s the princess,
Shining in all her golden glory,
Watch as he puts that crown on her head.
(The one that’s supposed to be yours)

He’s her prince,
With his disarming smile and pretty words.
He holds her on the dance floor,
The wrong girl who looks so right,
(Cause it never was your fairytale, sweetheart)

You thought he would be yours,
That you would ride off into the sunset like some freakin’ cliché.
But it’s not your happily ever after,
And he’s not your prince charming.
(Don’t you deny it, baby)

So you watch, you wait,
Until their goddamned happiness is unbearable
Then you disappear into the darkness,
A ghost of what might have been.
And you wonder how it all fell apart.

I absoulty loved your poem.
It's so dramatic and also you express some passion into it.
I also really liked it because i really love the tudors , so whilst reading it i could kinda relate to it.
Overall it was good.
Well done

wow, it reminds me of the stepsisters in cinderella…like what their point of view would be….which means I LOVE IT!!!! yes…. I'm a little hyper, but this is still awesome…got to love the intensity of it all, imagery is really good.

Sierra wrote:This is the product of too much fan-fiction, six episodes of Camelot in two days, and much time spent Wikipedia-ing the Tudors. I rather like it Please review!

Ha Camelot, nice. I liked this but it seemed almost too literal for poetry? The flowery metaphors I have come to expect from poetry were missing? I really shouldn't bother critiquing poetry because I'm never very useful. I was just taken in by the title! good luck

This was good, I don't have too much of a critique. I didn't notice any grammar or spelling mistakes. I liked the added parenthesis, they added a cool feel to the poem. I agree with Joshuapaul, there could be more imagery and detail. However, you did have emotion and it was overall well done.

Was this a free verse poem?

I loved it! It described exactly[/] how I feel when I read fairy tales. Stupid princess. Stupid Prince Charming. Stupid love. Fuck, why can't I live in a fairy tale?! [i]Angst, angst, ANGST! xD

I loved how descriptive you were! The poem was beautiful! I just wished you'd have rhymed it! THEN it would've been perfect!

Good job.

- Ariel<3'

Hahaha I liked this! It flowed very well and it made sense! Not any grammatical errors but I do think that it could have done without the

Sierra wrote:(Don’t you deny it, baby)

part because it made it seem a bit immature. Other than that, it was really good! I will look forward to keep reading your work! Keep writing! BRAVO

This was good, but something missed. It wasn't poetic enough, let's say. I don't know if it really is a "fan-fiction" to those serials, because I've never watched them (only a little from The Tudors), and it doesn't seem to be related in any way to them... but doesn't matter anyway. xD

And the "Don't you deny it, baby" felt out of place for me, too. It's either immature (as the user above me said), and if not, well it sure doesn't fit with the historical background... I mean, the Tudors and Camelot are related to the medieval age...

All in all, not bad at all, but you should add that special something that makes the readers fall in love with your poem.

I thought it was good, I'm sure lots of people could relate that to lots of relationships and yes, really describes how I feel with fairytales! I didn't see any grammar errors and your poem.. seems very much like lyrics to a song somehow O.o well that just the impression I got from it.

The only thing I can think of that wasn't quite perfect was that it was missing something, just some spark or something. But apart from that I thought it was very well done.

Hello I'm Eniarrol! Your reviewer today!
I loved the imagery in this poem like:

He’s her prince,
With his disarming smile and pretty words.
He holds her on the dance floor,
The wrong girl who looks so right,

Though, it may just be me but, the bits in italics and brackets seemed out of place and more...modern.

(Don’t you deny it, baby)

Seems out of place.

I think the poem sounds like fairy-tales. Like medieval sort of. (Do you get what I mean?) and these seem more familiar bits of text than the rest.

I also think that the poem would be very easy to relate to. I mean, who hasn't seen a guy who they like end up with someone else?

Overall:
Great poem, great imagery, very easy to relate to. Good work!!!

Hi, I'm Demoness and I'll be reviewing your work!

Okay, so overall I really loved this piece, it was beautifully described and all. But, you've made a few mistakes and I'll point out a few nitpicks here below

She’s the princess.
Shining in all her golden glory,
you?Watch as he puts that crown on her head. - I don't know what I found odd with this line but I think it's the fact that you don't explain who's watching.. is it you, or should we(readers) be watching?
(The one that’s supposed to be yours)

He’s her prince,
With his disarming smile and pretty words.
He holds her on the dance floor,
The wrong girl who looks so right,
(Cause it never was your fairytale, sweetheart)

You thought he would be yours,
That you would ride off into the sunset like some freakin’ cliché. I really like this line but I'm afraid it's way too long and cuts the flow off...
But it’s not your happily ever after, I think you should press enter here And he’s not your prince charming.
(Don’t you deny it, baby) This isn't played out in modern time is it? I think "baby" sounds a little awkward since it doesn't fit the wording of the rest of this piece...

So you watch, you wait,
Until their goddamned happiness is unbearable Again, this line is too long and disturbs the flow. Also, "Goddamnned" sounds off and I think you should try to replace it.
Then you disappear into the darkness,
A ghost of what might have been.
And you wonder how it all fell apart.

That was it for me... I think if you made sure the piece flowed better and changed a few words this could be a truly amazing piece Hope I could help a little at least.

// Demoness

Pleasurable to read and well written, I'd say that you have a good poem here:D I quite enjoyed reading it

You were right, it was kinda cliché, but you know that there are people all over that can relate to that. They're sitting there thinking "Why can't that be me?" It kinda makes me think of My Best Friend's Wedding with Julia Roberts. It's one of my favs with her, but aside the point, it's relatable with quite a few people. That's what I always like about poems- I like how some relate to life and how they show other people "hey, you're not the only one feeling like this!" It also shows others "Hey, your life could be worse," especially when it's something based off of something that really happened to the poet.

Good job, and keep up the good work!:D ~C.C.

Love it!! I really like this style, but I'm not sure it quite fits the story. You're talking about a princess here, and I think your careless tone takes away from it. It might help if it was a little more formal.

She’s the princess,
Shining in all her golden glory,

Hmmmm, this looks familiar.... I still like it, but it's maybe not too original?

He holds her on the dance floor,
The wrong girl who looks so right,

Love this part!

That you would ride off into the sunset like some freakin’ cliché.

Love this, but it definitely upsets the flow....

Until their goddamned happiness is unbearable

This also upsets the flow, but I like it anyway...

A ghost of what might have been.
And you wonder how it all fell apart.

Maybe my favorite part. Love it.

Hmmm, this probably wasn't too helpful... I'm full of contradictions. Sorry!!

The wrong girl who looks so right.

That you would ride off into the sunset like some freakin’ cliché.

This you could make into two lines and 'freakin'' really messes with the flow.

Good poem Sar-Sar!

So, too much Camelot, eh? Was there any more... parts? I hope not.

Anyways, great job with this. You had pretty good flow (not as good as your Lucifer series, but still pretty good), and your word structure was great too (like usual). Any problems that I saw with it are pointed out above in purple (as usual).

Keep writing,
Nixy

Nice poem! Well written and a good flow throughout most of it. I liked the concept and although it was a little cliche you've done a good job with it. Work on polishing those edges and it'll be even better in no time at all! Thanks for the read!
IcyFlame