Carry Me Home Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen
The garden stretched around a small cabin and out of sight. Flowers grew wild and untamed and the only sign of human interference was the small stone footpath that worked its way to the cabin that was a short walk away. The garden was huge and it was a wonder that I hadn’t seen the wall before. Dahlias, daisies, roses, coneflowers, milkweeds, irises, wisteria, every flower that I could think of, and many that I couldn’t, covered the vast expanse.
Jonah stood quietly behind me, his hand on the small of my back. “Do you like it?” he said softly.
I turned around. Jonah was consumed in a giant halo of sun, turning his hair a glistening gold, his skin shone brightly, luminous and beautiful. I nodded and turned back to the garden, gently working my way through.
The plants and bushes grew wild, their branches twisting this way and that, reaching for the sunlight.
Giant oaks loomed above us, their trunks wide and thick.
“My great great grandparents lived here over two hundred years ago. My relatives have kept it preserved as best as possible.”
I turned my attention from the flowers to the small stone cabin. Like the wall, the stones were worn smooth and soft from the years of aging. I pressed my face against the blossoming vines, smelled the earth and age.
I still hadn’t talked since we’d enter the garden, and words had yet to come to my lips.
The shades of green and hues of light made my eyes want to close. Deep within me, every ounce of love I thought that I could never feel bloomed. I felt the warmth of it all soak its way through my body, encasing my bones, my muscles, my tissue, clear to my skin until I could almost see it surface.
I walked around the side of the cabin, continuing to explore. Butterflies flew freely from flower to flower, undisturbed by our presence. The stone path led to a grass clearing that looked to be freshly mowed.
I whipped around to look at Jonah who was smiling, his grin stretching across his face.
“I did this the other day when you and Laynie spent the day together.” He said softly, his voice as blissful as the wind.
In the center of the clearing, stood a large majestic fountain with wolves baying toward the sky.
I gasped, my feet leading me to the fountains edge. The water was mossy and unclear. I stirred my fingers through it creating soft ripples.
The wolves made me want to kneel down and stare at them all day. Seven wolves stood proudly, with one towering above the rest. Each of the wolves had sets of onyx stone eyes, and each of the wolves had their head slightly tilted, an offering to the alpha.
It made me think about what was going on, how I would bare my throat for the ones I loved just as these wolves bared theirs as a sign of respect. I could bare myself like this if necessary. I would take the blow to protect the ones I loved, the ones that loved me in return.
Jonah stood behind me his thumbs jammed in his pockets and the smallest smile playing on the corner of his lopsided grin. His eyes seemed to glow as he studied me in complete fascination.
I blushed and fixed my gaze on the statue, studying the coarseness and texture of the wolves’ pelts, the strength in their chests, in their backs.
Jonah still stood there behind me. The air between us felt like it was charged with electricity as he began to speak. I turned around, my gaze locked on his.
“Number eight. The past few days have hands down been the best days of my life. Number nine. When I first met you, I knew that no matter how hard I tried to find someone else… there would only be you.” Jonah stared at me intently as he spoke, his eyes whirling opalescent pools of blue. His voice was low and soft washing over me in gentle waves. “And number ten. No matter what happens or how you feel about me now or ten years from now… I love you. More than those three words can even describe.”
I stood there dumbfounded, my face flushed and my heart leaping for him. I took the remaining steps until I stood only inches away from Jonah. His breath was sweet and cool as it brushed against my cheeks. I took both of his hands in mine and felt every doubt that I’ve ever had about loving someone wash away. The joy and love and warmth that I felt for him was tangible now, and I let it spill from me in powerful waves.
“Number eight.” I spoke softly. “The past few days have hands down been the best days of my life. Number nine. When I first met you, no matter how hard I tried… I knew there would only be you. Number ten. I love you.” And with that, I stood on my toes and pressed my mouth to his.
Jonah’s hands came up to frame my face as he returned my kiss. His mouth was gentle and soft against mine, his touch reassuring and kind. I wrapped my arms around his neck and his arms went to my waist, holding me to him. Our bodies pressed together, just as they that first time that he had hugged me when I had arrived.
His kissed my cheeks, kissed away the tears that fell. When he pressed his lips to mine, I tasted the salt and it made his kiss all the more powerful. I smiled against his lips, and he grinned. He placed gentle kisses on my nose, my forehead, until he found my mouth again, the passion blooming.
I wound my fingers through his hair, felt the sun there.
Jonah’s mouth was warm against mine now, his breath quick and slightly labored.
My eyes refused to open as the kiss began to deepen. Jonah teased my lips with the tip of his tongue, gently explored my mouth.
I’d never been kissed like this before. Not when I was a small child behind the garden shed with the neighbor boy and not behind the couch at the babysitter’s. Those kisses had been sloppy or small pecks on the cheek. And every kiss that I had ever shared with James now seemed to be fake and forceful. But even that memory had faded so much that soon, I didn’t think I’d even remember anything.
Jonah’s kiss was warm and passionate and soft and beautiful. Each motion of his mouth against mine lulled me into a blissful rhythm filled with love and light.
I felt Jonah’s heart pound against my chest. Or maybe it was my heart… But each beat felt as if our hearts were going to explode from our chests and infuse between us, never to be separated again.
Jonah ducked his head to my neck, tickled the sensitive skin there with the tip of his nose, nuzzling my neck.
I laughed softly and hugged him around the waist. I squeezed as hard as I could, trying to intertwine my cells with his.
“I love you, Tide.” His voice is ragged and low. He smiled his lopsided smile, his lips pressed to my hair.
I buried my face against his chest. “I love you too.”

Howdy, Apple here. You're my second review for review day. I know it's sad but this is the only time I could manage to get on the computer because I've been out of the house all day.

Erh, there is too much love: it's suffocating. Well I do suppose this is a romance novel, but where in my right mind did I stumble into? Getting over that little hurdle and the suffoacting love, you've done well! You'll make any romance lover all gushy and red faced. The words and the emotion were the icing on the wedding cake, seriously. I could practically feel the love verberating from your writing and that's kind of what made me go erh! I'm not into romance, is all. Your characters were another strong point. Your MC seemed like your typical teenage girl fallen head over heals for a guy she's madly in love with. Many people can relate to that, I know.

One thing I will mention though is that she goes overboard telling us how cute and good looking her partner in crime is. Yes we do get that he's a looker though you're going well over hand, just like what happened in Twilight. Pull it up a notch, we get that your MC finds him the bee's knees though others could just be annoyed by how you're explaining him. Don't get me wrong you use nice words so that it kind of sounds like poetry (which all good romance novel needs), though just lift your foot a little from the gas. You don't want people turning away because it's a repeat of Twilight, though without the vamps.

Now I am going to admit that I haven't read any of the previous chapters but something tells me that their love developed over the chapter series. If it didn't, continue you on reading because I may have some pointers. Carrying on though, it seems to me that their love is way to perfect, especially if they're a new couple just starting out. I've seen many relationships where when they first start the couple is nervous around each other so it's more like they're to afraid to really be themselves because they might turn each other off. Over time they overcome this but between then there is a lot of blushing, a lot of apologies and a lot of blunders. Consider adding some of these in. It doesn't have to be a lot but make sure there is some kind of nervousness. Sure with any hardy relationship the hard edges will smooth out, but unless they've known each other for all enternity then they won't be clicking together so well on the first date (and I know it's probably not the first date in this chapter but you get what I mean).

Still on the topic of their relationship, I think it feels a little fake also. Correct, love stories are supposed to show happy ever afters though something has to happen before that phase to shake the story up. Maybe it's an overprotective brother, a jealous friend, or maybe they have a fight. Think of your readers as vampires. They suck off of any emotion until they can't suck anymore. Place some kind of hurdle in this young couple's way to make the readers scream at the top of their lungs for a resolution. It keeps them on the edge of their seat, and wanting to read more to find out if there actually is a happy every after.

Other then that, I found that there was no problems. You have a real talent with writing, especially romance, and having me go erh isn't a bad thing. It's a good thing! It means that you're doing your job as a romance writer correctly. I only ever turn away at the gushy love stories, and that's exactly what you want. I hope my review has helped in some way. It's just really some pointers to bring this story out, and make it blossom like the rose it is.

-Good Luck!

Okay... so you know I really believe in this story and I was so happy to finally get to the point where they kissed and you staged it perfectly. BUT, like everyone keep saying, it's starting to get a little dull since the biggest intrigue yet is a phonecall sort of. It's just chapter after chapter with Jonah and Tide building up a happily ever after and sure, they should... but the story get's a little boring if nothing bad happens in between if you know what I mean I love that you pinch in trips to the mall and movie nights and dinners and all but so far we just follow the characters through out their days and a story should be aiming for something. There should be one thing it evolves around and makes the story go on, as it is now it feels like you could just go on describing their days, their happiness and their bad memories forever without ever getting to the point... It feels like there is no point actually. I hope you steer this up a bit because I'm in love with the characters and really want to know more about them!

I don't really have anything to add here. Your tenses were occasionally off and the descriptions at the beginning - although beautiful - weren't organised well. You need to sort out your paragraphs.

As for the scene between Jonah and Tide... well... it was sweet and I liked the way you included the confessions but it was a little too much. Try and tone it down a notch and then hopefully you'll have a good piece of writing.

Chapter Fifteen
The garden stretched around a small cabin and out of sight. Flowers grew wild and untamed and the only sign of human interference was the small stone footpath that worked its way to the cabin that was a short walk away. The garden was huge and it was a wonder that I hadn’t seen the wall before. Dahlias, daisies, roses, coneflowers, milkweeds, irises, wisteria, every flower that I could think of, and many that I couldn’t, covered the vast expanse.
Jonah stood quietly behind me, his hand on the small of my back. “Do you like it?” he said softly.
I turned around. Jonah was consumed in a giant halo of sun, turning his hair a glistening gold, his skin shone brightly, luminous and beautiful. I nodded and turned back to the garden, gently working my way through.
The plants and bushes grew wild, their branches twisting this way and that, reaching for the sunlight.
Giant oaks loomed above us, their trunks wide and thick.
“My great great grandparents lived here over two hundred years ago. My relatives have kept it preserved as best as possible.”
I turned my attention from the flowers to the small stone cabin. Like the wall, the stones were worn smooth and soft from the years of aging. I pressed my face against the blossoming vines, smelled the earth and age.
I still hadn’t talked since we’d enter the garden, and words had yet to come to my lips.
The shades of green and hues of light made my eyes want to close. Deep within me, every ounce of love I thought that I could never feel bloomed. I felt the warmth of it all soak its way through my body, encasing my bones, my muscles, my tissue, clear to through my skin until I could almost see it surface.
I walked around the side of the cabin, continuing to explore. Butterflies flew freely from flower to flower, undisturbed by our presence. The stone path led to a grass clearing that looked to be freshly mowed.
I whipped around to look at Jonah who was smiling, his grin stretching across his face.
“I did this the other day when you and Laynie spent the day together.” He said softly, his voice as blissful as the wind.
In the center of the clearing, no comma stood a large majestic fountain with wolves baying toward the sky.
I gasped, my feet leading me to the fountains edge. The water was mossy and unclear. I stirred my fingers through it creating soft ripples.
The wolves made me want to kneel down and stare at them all day. Seven wolves stood proudly, with one towering above the rest. Each of the wolves had sets of onyx stone eyes, and each of the wolves had their head slightly tilted, an offering to the alpha.
It made me think about what was going on, how I would bare my throat for the ones I loved just as these wolves bared theirs as a sign of respect. I could bare myself like this if necessary. I would take the blow to protect the ones I loved, the ones that loved me in return.
Jonah stood behind me his thumbs jammed in his pockets and the smallest smile playing on the corner of his lopsided grin. His eyes seemed to glow as he studied me in complete fascination.
I blushed and fixed my gaze on the statue, studying the coarseness and texture of the wolves’ pelts, the strength in their chests, in their backs.
Jonah still stood there behind me. The air between us felt like it was charged with electricity as he began to speak. I turned around, my gaze locked on his.
“Number eight. The past few days have hands down been the best days of my life. Number nine. When I first met you, I knew that no matter how hard I tried to find someone else… there would only be you.” Jonah stared at me intently as he spoke, his eyes whirling opalescent pools of blue. His voice was low and soft washing over me in gentle waves. “And number ten. No matter what happens or how you feel about me now or ten years from now… I love you. More than those three words can even describe.”
I stood there dumbfounded, my face flushed and my heart leaping for him. I took the remaining steps until I stood only inches away from Jonah. His breath was sweet and cool as it brushed against my cheeks. I took both of his hands in mine and felt every doubt that I’ve ever had about loving someone wash away. The joy and love and warmth that I felt for him was tangible now, and I let it spill from me in powerful waves.
“Number eight.” I spoke softly. “The past few days have hands down been the best days of my life. Number nine. When I first met you, no matter how hard I tried… I knew there would only be you. Number ten. I love you.” And with that, I stood on my toes and pressed my mouth to his.
Jonah’s hands came up to frame my face as he returned my kiss. His mouth was gentle and soft against mine, his touch reassuring and kind. I wrapped my arms around his neck and his arms went to my waist, holding me to him. Our bodies pressed together, just as they that first time that he had hugged me when I had arrived.
His kissed my cheeks, kissed away the tears that fell. When he pressed his lips to mine, I tasted the salt and it made his kiss all the more powerful. I smiled against his lips, and he grinned. He placed gentle kisses on my nose, my forehead, until he found my mouth again, the passion blooming.
I wound my fingers through his hair, felt the sun there.
Jonah’s mouth was warm against mine now, his breath quick and slightly labored.
My eyes refused to open as the kiss began to deepen. Jonah teased my lips with the tip of his tongue, gently explored my mouth.
I’d never been kissed like this before. Not when I was a small child behind the garden shed with the neighbor boy and not behind the couch at the babysitter’s. Those kisses had been sloppy or small pecks on the cheek. And every kiss that I had ever shared with James now seemed to be fake and forceful. But even that memory had faded so much that soon, I didn’t think I’d even remember anything.
Jonah’s kiss was warm and passionate and soft and beautiful. Each motion of his mouth against mine lulled me into a blissful rhythm filled with love and light.
I felt Jonah’s heart pound against my chest. Or maybe it was my heart… But each beat felt as if our hearts were going to explode from our chests and infuse between us, never to be separated again.
Jonah ducked his head to my neck, tickled the sensitive skin there with the tip of his nose, nuzzling my neck.
I laughed softly and hugged him around the waist. I squeezed as hard as I could, trying to intertwine my cells with his.
“I love you, Tide.” His voice is ragged and low. He smiled his lopsided smile, his lips pressed to my hair.
I buried my face against his chest. “I love you too.”

Aww they kissed ^_^ I feel all warm and fuzzy now =) I’m so glad finally something happened to them, that they are taking a huge step.

So yeah, this was a good chapter, and it’s great how you put in so much description of the forest, and the fountain, and the sun in his hair, that’s exactly what I was talking about in my previous reviews when you need to describe more. It works very well with the story.

However, I agree with what the other reviewers are saying. I can't help but feel like I'm losing interest in the story It's a harsh comment, but I really don't see anything DRIVING it forward. One of the most exciting things about reading, to me, is feeling a huge range of emotions. An author really has to put their characters through the ringer to hook me to them, to root them on. With your story, I'm ending every chapter with a 'well, that was nice', but up to this point, it hasn't exactly moved me emotionally. To me, that's extremely crucial to have.

I wonder what the next chapter will have =)