Slip Away

Eternal sleep...
the suffering ends.
No more fears;
I shall not worry

But how will they react:
happy, sad, petrified?
Not even had a chance
to say goodbye to her

Maybe it's for the best

I am going to give you my own interpretation of the poem. The way I see it that you may disagree with.
I feel that in the first part you are talking about death, and you are even praising it, since it's a way out of suffering, it's a kind of relief. But the question to me is: A relief from what ? what caused you pain as to wish for eternal sleep. Is it the fact of being sick of a love relationship or may be of life. This is what I got as far as the meaning is concerned. As to the the form, I would say that your piece is precise and concise, you succeeded in conveying your message in a brief manner using few powerful words. To sum up I want to say that I do appreciate this simplicity in writing. Simplicity is an essential ingredient of beauty. Your poem is beautiful, both form and meaning.

I love this, it's short, simple, but at the same time very complex. There's quite a bit of emotion in this piece, and unlike many poems it has a message that is easy to understand. Bravo!

I'm going to break this down by what I thought and felt at certain parts of the poem. Ready? Go.

The very first line is where I'll start.

Eternal sleep...

Two words that sum up death very simply for some, those without religion. Which leads me to believe that you either aren't religious or a strong-hearted Atheist? Not important. Why, though? What is the cause of her death? I'd love to hear the story behind that. How necessary were the three dots? In my opinion, it'd flow easier with a semi-colon instead. Still, I liked how this was worded, despite there only being two words.

The next line also grabbed my attention and curiosity.

The suffering ends.

Suffering? Perhaps she was poor or abused, or maybe just looking at life the wrong way? I feel about this line as I had about the first, that you should've added more of a story before jumping into death.

I don't understand the next two lines.

No more fears;
I shall not worry.

Wouldn't it make more sense to write of how you mourned the loss of her or how you're afraid that someone else close to you may do the same thing? I kind of see what you're saying though, that this is over with and all the concern you have of her life is over.

Altogether, the first stanza didn't seem very thought out to me. In truth, it seemed kind of thrown together and didn't flow. However, it is very strong and emotional, which sort of balances it out. Nicely done.

But how will they react:
happy, sad, petrified?

Hmm, I liked this part, but I don't see why you have mostly small, simple words, then toss out "petrified." It's out of place, and is even synonymous with "sad." One more question for these two lines: Why would they be happy? There's no evidence in the poem to suggest that she was a burden.

Not even had a chance
to say goodbye to her.

This sentence is touching, one of the best in the whole poem. It's powerful; but it should read:

I didn't even have a chance
to say goodbye to her.

Just to make it grammatically correct. Other than that, I have nothing more to say on these two lines.

The second stanza as a whole was a little confusing. It was interesting though, how you wondered what their reactions would be. Personally, I felt a sense of empathy while reading this; putting myself in his place. It was a very emotionally strained piece, adding depth to the poem.

Lastly,

Maybe it's for the best

I'm left to assume, as only a reader with no idea what this person's like that just passed away, that she wasn't a very likeable person OR that she was a very tortured person. It leaves me feeling a little empty inside, desperately wanting to know more about her as a person. This last sentence ended the poem well.

As for the poem in its entirety, I enjoyed it. This piece was short and to the point. I feel that you could've displayed how you felt more though, added your own emotions. Perhaps you were devastated? I don't know. This is all just metaphorical however, assuming that you're the same person from the scene.

On a separate note, this is just something that bothered me while reading, you need to add a period to the end of each stanza.

Hi Twinseed Thanks for reviewing. I am actually an Agnostic, therefore I am in the middle, therefore I am not an atheist. This poem was intended to be really short, because afterall isn't death like that?

A good read overall. Let me try my best to review this. Alright:

Eternal sleep...
the suffering ends.
No more fears;
I shall not worry

I take that you're talking of death. You believe there's peace afterwards. And no worries ahead of it.

But how will they react:
happy, sad, petrified?
Not even had a chance
to say goodbye to her

You're curious about how people will react to your death. And you didn't get to say goodbye to someone.

Maybe it's for the best

You hope that it's all for good.

I like the way the poem ends. I like the way there's no line that shouldn't be there. Everything sorta fits in. I would call it a 'tight poem'. And interesting to see that even an agnostic hopes for peace after this short lived life. You seem to be a believer cuz believers too look ahead to gaining the best in the next life and justice for the wrongs done to them. But, anyways the poem has a good message in it.

A good read overall. Let me try my best to review this. Alright:

Eternal sleep...
the suffering ends.
No more fears;
I shall not worry

I take that you're talking of death. You believe there's peace afterwards. And no worries ahead of it.

But how will they react:
happy, sad, petrified?
Not even had a chance
to say goodbye to her

You're curious about how people will react to your death. And you didn't get to say goodbye to someone.

Maybe it's for the best

You hope that it's all for good.

I like the way the poem ends. I like the way there's no line that shouldn't be there. Everything sorta fits in. I would call it a 'tight poem'. And interesting to see that even an agnostic hopes for peace after this short lived life. You seem to be a believer cuz believers too look ahead to gaining the best in the next life and justice for the wrongs done to them. But, anyways the poem has a good message in it.