October's Own

[size=150]what do you do when it dont feel same? But knowing in your heart you can't bear for things to change, just wishing for that love can once again be regain.In life theres no second chances so you must try and obtain everything you ever can possibly gain with you other half. Sadly to say your other half will soon become only a memory that you can hold in your heart or burn it like a bad picture. Enjoy life baby i just hope i could spend it with you. October own, it was establish and developed with no thoughts of closing but like all good things it must come to an end.

creative wrote:What do you do when it don't feel same? ButKnowing in your heart you can't bear for things to change, just wishing for that love can once again be regained. In life there are no second chances so you must try and obtain everything you ever can possibly gain with you other half(#FF0000 ">Not sure what you're trying to say here.) Sadly to say your other half will soon become only a memory that you can hold in your heart or burn itlike a bad picture. Enjoy life baby I just hoped I could have spent it with you. October own, it was established and developed with no thoughts of closing but like all good things it must come to an end.

Ok, so I liked the emotions and the stream-of-thought layout of this piece. I understand that some grammar errors are stylistic (things like gonna and ain't are supposed to accentuate the voice of the writer) so I hope I kept those intact. At the same time, there are some basic grammar rules that need to be abided by. Capitalize the letter I, always. I read a novel once about a mopey teen and the entire novel was "oh why is my life so hard. no one understands me i dont even know why i was born." I honestly couldn't wait for him to kill himself and end my misery (which he didn't, dagnabit.)
I also think that this could be molded into a typical-looking poem. Sometimes taking these rough, untapped emotions and regning them into a conventional poem does them a lot of good. Other than that, like line "like all good things it must come to an end" is a tad cliche.

Well first of, you need to work on your grammer. There are a lot of mistakes in there....

what do you do when it dont #FF0000 ">doesn't feel #FF0000 ">the same? But knowing in your heart you can't bear for things to change, just wishing for that love can once again be regain.#FF0000 ">Try rewording this sentence In life theres no second chances so you must try and obtain everything you ever can possibly gain with you #FF0000 "> your other half. Sadly to say your other half will soon become only a memory that you can hold in your heart or burn it#FF0000 "> Get rid of the it like a bad picture.#FF0000 ">I like that line Enjoy life baby i just hope i could #FF0000 "> can spend it with you. October #FF0000 ">October's own, it was establish #FF0000 "> established and developed with no thoughts of closing but like all good things it must come to an end.

good luck on any possible rewrites!
Keep writing buddy

is this about a romance in October that ended? few grammar errors but I enjoyed it, made me think a little bit

October's Own is my first piece, so I was in a rush to completing it and to seeing the response, this is a learning process and really cannot wait to improve thanks !! and no it was a romance that started in October