Morning Glory

Spoiler

I'm bad at grammar so if anyone can correct me on that I would greatly appreciate.

True Love is just like morning glories;so fulfilling, vivacious, and bright.
The morning comes and waked them up to see the beautiful sky.
Basking in the heat, enjoying the warmth as if there is no tomorrow.
Without a care they live as if in that moment time stopped right there.
Their stems intertwine like a pair of hands and their petals caress each other gently.

Until, the sun passes and together they quietly shrivel
remembering the tender moments they shared together
But a soft breeze begin to blow a second before they close,
letting their last I love you's be whispered to each other
as they finally close forever gone, but forever together.

Hey there, Nativecatcher! ^_^ Let's take this one step at a time, shall we? (And I'll try to focus on the grammatical things, as you specifically asked for that!)

True Love is just like morning glories;so fulfilling, vivacious, and bright.

There should be a space after your semi-colon, and love should not be capitalized!

The morning comes and waked them up to see the beautiful sky.
Basking in the heat, enjoying the warmth as if there is no tomorrow.
Without a care they live as if in that moment time stopped right there.

Hmm... this could use a little bit of recasting. The image is nice--it's kind of languid and summery--but the period at the end of every line breaks this up more; if you recast it all as one long sentence, it'll draw it out and emphasize that languid feel. How about something like the below? (I also bolded a few grammatical corrections.)

The morning comes and wakes them up to see the beautiful sky;
Basking in the heat, enjoying the warmth as if there is no tomorrow,
They live without a care, as if in that moment, time stopped right there.

Their stems intertwine like a pair of hands and their petals caress each other gently.

I don't really care much for this line. I don't think it adds much to the poem.

Until, the sun passes and together they quietly shrivel
remembering the tender moments they shared together

I love this image of the flowers cowering together in reminiscence. The only thing I would change is that 'until.' I'd replace it with 'when'--that way it seems less like a tacked-on bit from the stanza before as its own, independent image.

But a soft breeze begin to blow a second before they close,
letting their last I love you's be whispered to each other
as they finally close forever gone, but forever together.

I'm not a huge fan of this; it strikes me as kind of trite and awkward. Honestly, I would just completely delete these three lines, as I don't think they add anything; then you'd be left with something like:

True love is just like morning glories; so fulfilling, vivacious, and bright.
The morning comes and wakes them up to see the beautiful sky;
Basking in the heat, enjoying the warmth as if there is no tomorrow,
They live without a care, as if in that moment, time stopped right there.

When the sun passes, together they quietly shrivel
remembering the tender moments they shared together.

See how eliminating some of the excess lines has condensed and intensified your main image? Rather than adding all that about caresses and the awkward anthropomorphic whispering, you instead have one pure, undiluted image of morning glories opening to see the sun and then closing, leaning on each other as if they were reminiscing lovers.

I really enjoyed this poem! When I first read it I thought it was about people but then got the impression that it's about flowers?? Just few things that I found you might like to improve

"True Love is just like morning glories;so fulfilling, vivacious, and bright."
thought maybe glories should be glory.

"The morning comes and waked them up to see the beautiful sky."
Maybe change waked to wakes?

"But a soft breeze begin to blow a second before they close,"
I thought that begin should be replaced with begins.

Other than that, I loved it! My favorite line was: "Without a care they live as if in that moment time stopped right there.
Their stems intertwine like a pair of hands and their petals caress each other gently."
xxx

Fand and Desire said it all. I still think you work is beautiful. Dont get down and keep writing! Everyone needs improvments!

letting their last I love you's be whispered to each other
as they finally close forever gone, but forever together.

My favorite line. That line gives it everything!
Keep it up! Good luck!

--Taylor

Hello, I couldn't find any grammatic errors that hasn't all ready been pointed out so, I'll point out a few other things that i feel should/could be improved One, the structure - I like how you keep all the lines about the same length, but they're a bit too long to create a rythm even though the flow goes on pretty well. I suggest you shorten them down to about half the current length, this is just a thought though I think you use great imagery and your settings are very vivid - beautiful! Yet, I was a bit confused as you begin with True Love... as if you were to keep that in the centre.. but then you intruduce a "them" into the poem and I think the way they just suddenly appeared was a bit wierd. Personally I'd like them to enter in a bit more obvious way, and maybe, since the poem seems to be mostly about them - even though what they had might be True Love, and therefore the title... I still feel like you should give them more place, explain and express them more... eeh, am I being to vague? I hope I said something that made sense and was helpful. Overall this was cute, yet beautiful and I'll give it almost 4/5 spiders... one of the just lost a leg, that's all..


Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness