Crimson Radiance

A Poem For A Contest.

As the sea glows red with passion,
The sun burns like a disk of love,
Smouldering above our heads,
In the wild, red rose sky.

The light shines on your face,
An angel,
And I'm struck with desire,
which I dare not hope for.

Hands meet, clasping together,
Uniting us with fierce yearning,
Skin against skin, cheek against,
cheek, as the sea hums below us.

You hold me as if I am a glass bird,
Fragile and beautiful, glinting in,
the crimson radiance, reflecting in
your deep dark eyes.

Our bodies combined, you bend your
head to mine, your lips as light as a feather,
against mine, as we sit in the shadow
Of a picteresque Palm Tree.

Spoiler

Before you tear it to shreds, I must admit, I don't think this is the best poem I've ever done, so feel free to comment and like!

^^ Please Read Before Commenting ^^

The light shines on your face -
An angel (deleted a comma from here)
- And I'm struck with desire,

Skin against skin, cheek against cheek,
as the sea hums below us.

Fragile and beautiful, glinting in (deleted a comma from here)

This was a nice poem.

You had beautiful imagery and your emotion was pretty good too. Your flow was not too good, and your word structure was ok. Overall, it was a good poem.

Good job. Good luck with your competition!

Keep writing,
Alzora

I thought it was a beautiful poem. I enjoyed reading all of it. It sounded very romantic. Your word choice was alright, you could've added larger, more explanitory words, but maybe that would've destroyed the beautiful mood --- im not sure. Reading it made me calm, peaceful, and wanted. The grammar was well done and there weren't any mistakes that were too noticable. I'm not a good nitpicker so I wont point them out to you. I recommend you should reconsider the title. I think you should choose one that makes you want to be sucked into the poem. "Crimson Radiance" doesn't speak to me, but maybe you should stick with it if you can't choose anything else. Up to you... Over all, good job.

best wishes,
nessa

On the contrary, this was quite good. Not perfect - you should have been careful of being cliche with some of your phrases and the flow was a little off at times - but it was well-punctuated, effective and emotional. Good job my friend, I really enjoyed this.

Oh! I liked this a lot! It was so sweet and romantic, and yes, cliche at times, but that isn't all bad. It fit the picture, it gave me a clear image, you had good detail and enough emotion stuck in there. It bugged me that some of your lines weren't capitalized and some were... but otherwise, I have no nitpicks. so, anyways, good job.

Duckiee! I didn't know you write poetry! Better yet, that you were this good at it!

I really enjoyed reading this piece. You've got great structure of your piece and for the better part both rythm and flow was good! I was a bit disturbed that you let sentences cross over lines and end half way. Also your use of capitals was a bit uneven as you used it on some occasions and then you didn't at other places and yeeh... but, other than that I've got no complaints. Very nice imagery, you describe very beautiful and vivid settings and moments. I like the romance in it!


Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

This was such a beautiful poem. I think it's simply amazing how much you expressed with words. It's wonderful really beautiful. I love it!

It was a really good poem- you clearly need to have more self- confidence.
I liked it because you did the real lyric poetry- you didn't only caught an emotion- you caught a moment, and a wonderful one at that.
I disliked one part though "The sun burns like a disk of love"- for starters, a 'disc of love' is quite cheesy in my opinion, but more importantly: "like a disc of love"- how those a disc of love burns, exactly?

I'd suggest either finding a new, fitting, metaphor, or to write 'The sun burns; a disc of love'
I'd strongly suggest doing the second one- then change the disc of love thing, cause it's really annoying me- but that's just me, though

anyway- this is a lovely (if you get the pun) poem- and is worthy of applause, so don't throw it to the dogs so fast.
SubjectBlue