And so I write.

When I was younger, I felt dead inside.
My heart was breaking, as surely as my mother's was.
Daddy didn't want to stay with us, and it was my fault.

My sister was three.

She can't remember the nights I whisked her away, up in our bunkbeds,
to a far away place where the sad love songs couldn't reach us.
She can't remember the times I held her while she cried.
She can't remember when I sat and watched her, waiting for Mom to get off work.

She can't remember.

I do.

I remember the time I jumped off my bed, hoping to break my neck.
I remember the way Mom's hands wrapped around my throat.
I remember thinking it's all over, and smiling.
I remember sitting on our porch, waiting for Mom to notice that I was there.
I remember the pain on Mom's face when Dad left us all.

I shoved myself into work, into books, into anything that would numb the pain.
Mom says it's because I'm smart.
I say it was enough to push me away from the edge.
Before I knew suicide, I told myself I would not last after I reach 13.
I was eleven when I decided that.
I had a purpose then, to make sure my sister survived.
She did. I have no purpose.

Now you want to know why I write?
After all that, you want to know why?
It's not for the pain, I gave up on that a long time ago.
It's to remember.
I can't be forgotten, I refuse.
I may be numbed, but that would send fire into my heart.
I want to leave my impression on the Earth, something solely mine and mine alone.

And writing's the only thing I can do right.


A/N: Nothing can really say how I feel right now. Issues are happening and I'm back to my depressive state again. Don't expect much from me. Ciao.

I will not critique this because its just beautifully great the way it is.The repetition of "I" is really good and this poem is really wonderfully written.Great job and hold your head up.

~hold your head up,theres a light in the sky,I know your fed up but you must try to survive!

I really liked it. I myself write to get away from the world, but now the way you do. Please! Keep writing!

Its really good I enjoyed reading it. It show emotion and that's was what stood out to me the most good job.

Normally when I read something like this I dont expect much out of them, but with this I almost cried. I felt the pain of the character and I like how you became that character, which is something I dont see often. I hope you keep writing I would like to enjoy more of your poetry that has alot of emotions.

I thought this was truly beautiful and to me the perfect poem shows the pain and heartache of that person. I like how you wrote this and posted it on YWS even though it may have been difficult to have other people read something that is close to your heart. I loved reading this poem I do not have any edits or suggestions for you to change about this because I thought it was very good. Thanks for posting this, I hope that you can be happy and keep on trucking. If you find someone to talk to that is close to you, You might be able to cope with events and happenenings that occur. Good luck!

How you think about a problem is more important than the problem itself. So always think positively.”
Beautiful poem, I loved the repetition and it was very touching. I hope that you keep on writing because you were very honest in saying that you can do that right. The description was nice, although very sad. *hugs*

This poem hits home, you did an excellent job on it. I saw nothing that needs changing, it's perfect. I guess I can say that you and I are a lot alike. When I was in depression, I wrote a lot of poems. It was my form of a diary, and it really helped. I suggest you keep writing. It will help you vent all of your emotions.

I love this so bad, its very very well written and I couldn't nit pick anything. I love this!!!!

I too love this. It is writte beautifully. I understand how youre feeling...I know you dont want to hear that or dont think its true..but trust me, Ive been there. I started reading because I was submerged into someone elses life, leaving my own behind. I write to get help myself cope. I understand completely. You wrote this very well. Keep Writing.
_Lexi_

I love your signature by the way.

This poem was so emotional. And beautifully written. There probably were some parts of it that I would change, but if I did, then it wouldn't have the same effect. Great job my friend.
And don't despair; the world plays tricks on everyone at times, but sooner or later, things will straighten themselves out.

It was very heartfelt and touching. The flow of the words was empowering and almost left me with tears. I commend you for your bravery in sharing with us and hope things get better. Your words will leave an impact on the world, or at least the corner called YWS. :3 I don't have any edits, like previous reviewers said, it's perfect the way it is.

-Cress

I really felt it .. It's awesome and I'm awestruck

Hey - I'm in a bit of a hurry right now, but I'd just like you to know how truly inspiring this is I've got so many ideas right now
And no matter what is going on in your life, the ability to write is still a good gift.

Best. Poem. Ever. Keep writing. I'm glad you write! I wouldn't change anything in this poem, it is too beautiful. The explaination on why you still write, a look at the past, your deep intermost feelings (or the character)... it is all wonderful to read.

best wishes,
nessa