Never Alone

“You think she’ll be alright?”
“She’ll never be the same, but her memories will fade eventually.”
“Thank you, Dr. Stevens,” my aunt’s voice flitted through my mind like an annoying insects drone.
I was numb inside- oblivious- as I felt her wiry grasp clutch my arm as she dragged me out of the hospital waiting room and to the silver SUV outside. I gave no resistance; there was nothing left for me here. As the pathfinder purred to life I discerned that the insect was whining again.
“Irresponsible… you should have died….best to forget…never again…” I caught phrases from the direction of my aunt but I ignored them. My phone vibrated against my leg and I succumbed to habit and pulled the Smartphone out of my jean pocket. I blinked in disbelief as the screen flashed his number and informed me I had a new text. Impossible. Who would be cruel enough to play such a joke on me?
U wr suposD 2 cll w@hpn? Usual spot same tym. Call me dam it! Lol:)
Who would be cruel enough to play such a joke on me? I stared dumbly at the words. James.
Who is this?!!!!!
My fingers replied, my brain feeling something for the first time in hours, though it seemed like years. Revulsion.
seriSLy Thea? Its James u dork. mEt me hre I’ll B w8N
I stared stupidly at the words, my brain not even beginning to try to make a decision. Some idiot was messing with me and I sensed a part of me wanted to end their existence for trying to open the door to my pain. The door I was standing in front of, holding it shut with all my mental strength and trying desperately to lock it closed, bolt it shut, destroy the key, it could never open or I knew I would die.
Just then I happened to glance outside and my brain amazed me as I recognized where we were; not far now, not far at all. What was I feeling? Was this excitement? Stop it! I pleaded with my brain to shut down again as my body strained against the impossibly heavy door now pressing into me; trying to open.
“Stop.” My voice sounded alien to me and I noticed my aunt staring at me in shock. That didn’t matter, what mattered was that she wasn’t stopping, the stupid SUV was still carrying us along the deserted street.
“Stop!” I screamed, throwing my door open as she slammed on the brakes, throwing us forwards.
“Thea, what are you doing!” I jabbed at the seatbelt buckle and fled the SUV, my aunt’s shouts again just an annoying buzz I chose to ignore. “Get back here, Thea! I’ll call the police!”
Reason found purchase on my crazed brain. “I’ll be home before dark. Send someone to find me or arrest me and I promise you they won’t find me alive!” I hollered back, not the first suicide threat I’d given my aunt but definitely the first one I’d actually meant.
I walked down the cracked cement briskly. This was working, it was actually working! For some reason my brain had decided this was better. He’d just texted me hadn’t he? My brain conveniently blocked the overwhelming evidence that this was a lie and the truth was lying back at the hospital I’d just left. Yes, this was much better.
I was close now; I could smell cigarette smoke wafting through the air, polluting everything and everyone it touched. I frowned disgustedly, the one drawback to our meeting place; it wasn’t in the nicest part of town… now that I remembered, I think it was probably one of the worst.
I passed a liquor shop, a bar, a small grocery mart, a Laundromat, and then rounded the corner at the Mexican restaurant. The ally was deserted, the dented and rusted trashcans overflowing with filth. Two scrawny kittens sat near one, their mother watching not far off, a huge rat clamped in her jaws. I passed it all, staring at the back wall and all the graffiti covering it. There was a small locked door on the left side of the wall and I approached it, slipping a key out of my cell phone cover.
It was like I had stepped into a whole different world. The filth and horror that filled the outside world behind the wall disappeared as I entered the beautifully kept yard and walked toward a bench beside a well-kept hedge. Sitting down I felt no disappointment. James was always late, I could wait. There was a large oak tree, a heavy wooden swing strapped to one of its huge limbs. Flowers had been arranged in plots across the yards and their scent was heavenly. The place was actually a miniature park, kept by James grandmother. She hardly ever visited it, but she was able to see the beauty from her bedroom window.
I looked up, surprised to find the pale face in the window high above me, staring sorrowfully down at me through thick-lensed glasses as she shook her head. I saw a small gnarled hand wave once before she turned and left me in peace. I shivered in excitement. He would be here; any moment now.



I watched the sinking sun, feeling the tears hot on my cheeks.
“James!” I screamed his name, the pain ripping at my batter heart as the door creaked opened inside of me. I could see the blood, running down his face as he tried to blink it out of his beautiful blue eyes, they were identical to my own. Dam it why was he smiling at me. “I needed you today, you said you’d be here-” I gasped, feeling the hysteria filling me. “James, where did you go!” I cried out with no reply.
I remembered the phone and hurriedly scanned through the texts, horrified when I couldn’t find them. Where had they gone? Had I imagined it all?
I stood in front of the door, trying to press it closed again to no avail.
“Open the door, Thea. You need to remember. You can’t do this to yourself, please, Thea… remember me.” His words sounded so real to me. I was going crazy. But it was his voice…
I stepped back from the door and sobs shook my body as the door flew open and blood poured over me.
“James, oh my gosh, James-“Adrenaline, shock, hysteria, they all rushed to lay claim on my body and I was shaking harshly as the car shuttered to a stop. I turned to look at my driver and James lay there, his neck at an odd angle as he stared at me with his beautiful eyes, blood pouring from a huge gash on his forehead. He smiled at me. His neck can’t be broken, he’s smiling, he’s blinking, I thought.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his gaze never leaving mine.
“No, no, no, no,” it was like a broken record, I couldn’t stop saying it. My body was still shaking even though I knew it was over.
“You’ll be fine,” he whispered, trying to reassure me. What was wrong with me, he was the one bleeding and broken and yet he was as calm as ever and as I evaluated myself I realized I felt no pain. I hadn’t been injured.
“Thea, you know I love you right?” I nodded, biting my lip hard in order to shut up. “I’ll never leave you, Thea, never. I’ll always be beside you, guiding you, protecting you, loving you. Don’t ever forget that.” His voice was so quiet, his blinks becoming more and more prolonged as he struggled to keep his eyelids opened. I should be doing something. 911? But distantly I heard sirens and realized someone else had beaten me to it. Good. I’d been too slow.
“I love you too, James. I feel the same way; like I’ll always be with you no matter what. We’re inseparable you know?” I let out a soft laugh, the hysteria making everything unrealistic.
His eyes were sad. I hated that. “Don’t forget.” I nodded.
“I won’t.”
“Never alone,” his voice sounded gargled, marred.
“No, James… we’ll never be alone. We’ll always have each other.” A smile passed over his beautiful face, and then his eyes closed for the last time.
I stared at the doorway before me, the door now thrust wide opened as I stared into a blank nothingness. There was no longer any pain. James had made sure of that with the deep, deep reassurance he’d placed in my life.
I looked out into the garden, my eyes searching the night. I hadn’t seen him, was he really still out there I wondered. I couldn’t feel him I couldn’t see him and yet… I couldn’t explain why, but a part of me knew he was watching over me.
I rose and left the garden behind, trudging towards my aunt’s home. So I would hold tight to what I knew. James and I could not be separated because he was a part of me. And even though he was invisible, I would trust the unseen. He was here and knew that I was never alone.

Spoiler

"Never Alone"

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

[Chorus:]
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life

We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

[Chorus]

We cannot separate
You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

[Chorus]

wow. I was only going to read half but there was no way I could stop. your writing is beautiful and conveyed her emmotion exquisitely. your build up was extremely awesome too.
I found one little grammer mistake

Flowers had been arrange(s)

I'm thinking that should be arranged.

I loved how you tied into the song(it is a song right?). it was a beautiful interpretation. There might be some good hard critiquing necessary but I was far too caught up in the brilliance of it to notice anything.
Keep being brilliant!

“You think she’ll be alright?”
“She’ll never be the same, but her memories will fade, eventually.”
(Suggested, not required, but I think it’s better that way)
“Thank you, Dr. Stevens,” my aunt’s voice flitted through my mind like an annoying insects drone. (Either: ‘…like an annoying insect drone.’ Or ‘…like annoying insect drones.’ Unless I misunderstood, which means it’s unclear)
I was numb inside- oblivious- as I felt her wiry grasp clutch my arm as (The double ‘as’ is a bit annoying to read) she dragged me out of the hospital waiting room and to the silver SUV outside. I gave no resistance (‘I gave no resistance’ is a wrong phrase, either go simpler- ‘I didn’t resist’ or try rephrasing ‘I showed no resistance’ maybe?); there was nothing left for me here. As the pathfinder purred to life I discerned that the insect was whining again.
“Irresponsible… you should have died….best to forget…never again…” I caught phrases from the direction of my aunt, but ignored them. (An event word/phrase such as ‘suddenly’ would be in place here in my opinion)My phone vibrated against my leg and I succumbed to habit- and pulled the Smartphone out of my jean(s) pocket. I blinked in disbelief as the screen flashed his number and informed me I had a new text- Impossible- Who would be cruel enough to play such a joke on me?
(So far that’s very interesting, you throw me right into the situation, and the details are slowly clearing, that’s a very nice way to tell a story)
U wr suposD 2 cll w@hpn? Usual spot same tym. Call me dam it! Lol:)
Who would be cruel enough to play such a joke on me? I stared dumbly (I’m not sure ‘dumbly’ is the ideal word here) at the words- James.
Who is this?!!!!!
My fingers replied (The fingers didn’t reply, they were just used to reply, I understand it’s a descriptive way of saying that, but I’m sure a better way is possible), my brain feeling something for the first time in hours, though it seemed like years. Revulsion.
seriSLy Thea? Its James u dork. mEt me hre I’ll B w8N
I stared stupidly (once again, you use terms such as stupidly or dumbly, I think there are better phrases to describe that.) at the words, my brain not even beginning to try to make a decision (Too many actions for me ‘...not even beginning to try to make...’ is just a tiring phrase). Some idiot was messing with me, and I sensed a part of me wanted to end their existence for trying to open the door to my pain (This phrase was a bit of a cliché, both sensing a ‘part of me’ ‘end their existence’ and ‘open the door to my pain’?)- The door I was standing in front of (‘Facing’, one word, and you can get rid of the whole ‘standing in front of’), holding (How about ‘keeping’?) it shut with all my mental strength (‘Power’ is more fitting than strength in my opinion) and trying desperately (reverse order to ‘desperately trying’) to lock it closed (‘Lock it closed’ is pretty much meaningless), bolt it shut and destroy the key- it could never open or I knew (Bad phrasing here, try: ‘I knew it could never be opened, or I’ll die’) I would die.
(Very thrilling, we’ve got ourselves a real plot now, and an inside story mystery, I liked the way you wrote the texts)
Just then, I happened to glance outside and my brain amazed me (Why was she amazed by her brain?) as I recognized where we were (‘our location’ could be lovely in here); not far now, not far at all. What was I feeling? Was this excitement? Stop it! I pleaded my brain to shut down again as my body strained against the impossibly heavy door now pressing into me; trying to open. (The door metaphor is nice, but I feel like its being given too much attention.)
“Stop.” My voice sounded alien to me and I noticed my aunt staring at me in shock. That didn’t matter, what mattered was that she wasn’t stopping; the stupid SUV was still carrying us along the deserted street.
“Stop!” I screamed, throwing (How does one ‘throw a door open’?) my door open as (‘as’? is it simultaneous or action-result?) she slammed on the brakes, throwing (‘throwing is appropriate here, however, as you seem to enjoy using that word, I think you should use other words with the same meaning- ‘bashing’, ‘tossing’ and so on) us forwards.
“Thea (What’s ‘Thea’?), what are you doing!” I jabbed at the seatbelt buckle and fled the SUV, my aunt’s shouts again just an annoying buzz I choose to ignore. “Get back here, Thea! I’ll call the police!”
(So far, a major problem of mine is that I can’t relate to the protagonist, to me she seems to be a spoiled brat- I assume she isn’t, but you have to convince the reader in that kind of things, that’s your responsibility.)
Reason found purchase on my crazed brain (Huh?). “I’ll be home before dark. Send someone to find me or arrest me and I promise you- they won’t find me alive!” I hollered back, not the first suicide threat I’ve given (‘given’ is not a suiting term here.) My aunt but definitely the first one I’ve actually meant.
I walked down the cracked cement briskly. This was working, it was actually working! For some reason my brain had decided this was better. He just texted me, didn’t he? My brain conveniently blocked (how about ‘denied’?) the overwhelming evidence that this was a lie, and that the truth was lying back at the hospital I just left. Yes, this was much better.
I was close now; I could smell cigarette smoke wafting through the air, polluting everything and everyone it touched. I frowned disgustedly, this was the one drawback to our meeting place- it wasn’t in the nicest part of town… now that I remember- I think it’s probably one of the worst.
I passed a liquor shop, a bar, a small grocery mart, a Laundromat, and then rounded the corner at the Mexican restaurant. The ally was deserted, the dented and rusted trashcans overflowing with filth. Two scrawny kittens sat near one, their mother watching not far off, a huge rat clamped in her jaws. I passed it all, staring at the back wall and all the graffiti covering it. There was a small locked door on the left side of the wall and I approached it, slipping a key out of my cell phone cover.
(Now we’re getting to the action. I really loved your description of the cigarette smell and of the ally)
It was like I stepped into a whole other world. The filth and horror (What horror?) that filled the outside world behind the wall disappeared as I entered the beautifully kept yard and walked toward a bench beside a well-kept hedge. As I Sat down I felt no disappointment- James was always late, I could wait. There was a large oak tree, a heavy wooden swing strapped to one of its huge limbs. Flowers had been arranged in plots across the yards and their scent was heavenly. The place was actually a miniature park, kept by James grandmother. She hardly ever visited it, but she was able to see its beauty from her bedroom window.
I looked up, surprised to see the pale face in the window above me staring sorrowfully down at me through thick-lensed glasses as she shook her head (What’s the ‘as she shook her head’ supposed to mean?). I saw a small gnarled hand wave once before she turned and left me in peace. I shivered in excitement. He should be here any moment now.



I watched the sinking sun, feeling the tears hot on my cheeks.
“James!” I screamed his name, the pain ripping my battered heart as the door creaked, opening inside of me. I could see the blood- running down his face as he tries to blink it out of his beautiful blue eyes; they were identical to mine. Damn it, why was he smiling at me?! “I needed you today, you said you’ll be here-” I gasped, feeling the hysteria filling me. “James, where did you go?!” I cried out, no reply given. (here it fits.)
I remembered the phone and hurriedly scanned through the texts, horrified when I couldn’t find them. Where are they? Did I imagine it all?
I stood in front of the door, trying to press it closed again to no avail.
“Open the door, Thea. You need to remember. You can’t do this to yourself, please, Thea… remember me.” His words sounded so real to me. I was going crazy. But it was his voice…
I stepped away from the door- sobs shaking my body as the door flew open and blood poured over me. (Blood poured over her? Where from? How?)
“James! Oh my god, James!” Adrenaline, shock, hysteria, they all rushed to claim my body. I was shaking harshly as the car shuttered (shuttered? That just doesn’t make any sense!) to a stop. I turned to look at my driver- and James lay there, his neck at an odd angle as he stared at me with his beautiful eyes, blood pouring from a huge gash on his forehead. He smiled at me. His neck can’t be broken, he’s smiling, he’s blinking, I thought.
“I’m sorry.” he whispered, his eyes never leaving mine.
“No, no, no, no!” like a broken record, I couldn’t stop saying it. My body was still shaking- even though I knew it was over.
“You’ll be fine.” he whispered, trying to reassure me. What is wrong with me? He was the one bleeding and broken- and yet he was as calm as ever as I evaluated myself- realizing I felt no pain- I wasn’t injured.
“Thea, you know I love you, right?”
I nodded, biting my lip hard in order to shut up. “I’ll never leave you, Thea, never. I’ll always be beside you, guiding you, protecting you, loving you- Don’t ever forget that.” His voice was so quiet; his blinks became more and more prolonged as he struggled to keep his eyelids opened. I should do something- 911? But I heard sirens distantly (replaced order) and realized someone else had beaten me to it. Good. I would have been too slow.
“I love you too, James. I feel the same way; like I’ll always be with you no matter what. We’re inseparable, you know?” I let out a soft laugh, the hysteria making everything unrealistic.
His eyes were sad. I hated that. “Don’t forget.”
I nodded- “I won’t.”
“Never alone…” his voice sounded gargled, marred.
“No, James… we’ll never be alone. We’ll always have each other.”
A smile passed over his beautiful face, and then his eyes closed for the last time.

I stared at the doorway before me; the door now thrust wide open as I stared into a blank void. There was no longer any pain. James made sure of that with the deep, deep reassurance he placed in my life.
I looked out to the garden, my eyes searching through the night. I didn’t see him. Is he really still out there? I wondered- I couldn’t feel him, I couldn’t see him and yet… I couldn’t explain why, but a part of me knew he was watching over me.
I rose and left the garden behind, trudging towards my aunt’s home. I will hold tight to what I know- James and I could never be separated because he was a part of me. And even though he was invisible, I trusted the unseen- He was here and knew that I was never alone.
Okay, first thing first, this isn’t a general short story, this is as romantic as it gets, which leads me to a very important note, please don’t be offended, but this story is just plain cheesy.
I enjoyed the beginning. However, at some point I could hardly stand it. For your defense, it should be said that I hate romantic themed stories, which is why next time you should categorize more properly.
I did make some fixes; I hope that they are helpful. I’m sorry if I was a bit harsh, but I was kinda surprised with a romantic story, which annoyed me to no ends.
You should really work on your connections, it seems as you randomly use tenses, while throwing ‘as’ ‘to’ and ‘given’ when you feel like it.

Apologies for being grouchy, I’ll wait for an unromantic poem or story of yours, I’m sure they’ll be great!

This confused me at some parts, but it was awesome. Never Alone by Barlow Girls, right? I love the connection you made to the song. Not exactly what I had gotten from the song, but your take was interesting as well.