Sparks; (rough draft chapter one)

I don’t like change. It’s not the little things that I mind so much, I just don’t adjust well to the big changes.
I guess most would say moving isn’t exactly life changing. I’ve moved before, so that isn’t my issue. It’s that I’m moving back. Back to my place of birth. Back to a place that seemed to belong to a fairy tale, rather than my life.
I had an eerie feeling about moving back to Huntston; the small town in Ontario where I was born and raised until the age of five. Huntston is my dad’s hometown, not my mom’s. My mom grew up in Little River, California. Little River, the usually bright, friendly and open town located along the Pacific Ocean is where I lived from the age of five until today. Not too much has changed in the past ten years, except that my mom is no longer in the picture. She died when I was ten.
Little River was my home. I didn’t want to leave, and every time I thought of it, a dull ache in my chest reminded me that there was nothing I could do about it. The sad reality was that it wasn’t up to me. It was my father who had been so keen on moving back to his hometown of Huntston. I knew he’d be crushed if I told him I detested the thought of moving. I’m a daddy’s girl; to disappoint him would be to rip his heart out.
That’s what brought me to my cliff. Well, it’s not my cliff, technically, but that’s what I call it. It’s the massive mound of rock that sits at the end of the beach where I lived. The cliff is my sanctuary, a place where I could just think, without putting on a happy front. If we’re being completely honest, I haven’t been blissfully happy since... since my mom was alive. Things just haven’t been the same.
I gazed out onto the faded horizon, meshed together with a red orange flicker and the Pacific Ocean. The never resting sparks that flickered excitedly off every possible angle of the sun were too mesmerizing to capture in your memory. You have to see it in person to fully appreciate its beauty. I was trying to enjoy this picture perfect moment to myself, before my older brother Kyle came and spoiled the moment by telling me that we had to leave. Everything was all ready to go- the old silver pickup and our large tow along trailer were packed. It pained me to think about it... it pained me to think about anything today. One thought lead to another, and I always came around full circle to the horror that was my life.
I tried to think about the pros of leaving... but the list was short. My aunt Jo- my dad’s younger sister, who I loved and admired- lived in Huntston, in a small, cottage like house just outside of town. It was actually my grandparent’s farm until about the time I was born, when they decided to move into something a little closer to town. I loved the old house; whenever we came up for the summer holidays we stayed with aunt Jo. When Kyle and I were younger, we used to play hide and go seek in the barn located a vast distance behind the house. It was empty now, seeing as aunt Jo’s not exactly the ‘farmer’ type of women. I chuckled when I imagined my aunt Jo in classic blue overalls, a straw hat on her head and a pitchfork in one hand.
The only other good thing about Huntston was leaving Billy Woods. Billy’s the only guy that I’m convinced I’ll ever truly love. We used to build sandcastles together when we were little. We sat next to each other in class, and the teacher would give us trouble for talking during a lesson. For the longest time, Billy was just my really good friend. When we hit high school, something about our relationship changed. I grew attached to Billy in a way some would describe as ‘clingy.’ We hung out almost every day after school, and on weekends we’d swim at the beach, or catch a movie. Before ninth grade was up, Billy asked me out on a ‘real’ date...I’m not proud to say I screwed up the whole thing. Billy took me to the nicest restaurant in Little River, and after we walked hand in hand on the beach, collapsing in the sand when we couldn’t walk any further.
That’s when he tried to kiss me. I froze completely, a radar going off in my head that something wasn’t quite right. I had turned my head just as he was about to touch his lips to mine. He caught my cheek instead.
I was never able to explain to Billy why I denied the kiss, and it bothered him. Secretly, I was just shocked that Billy liked me so much that he wanted to kiss me. Also, and a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach told me that I just wasn’t ready.
It was too late- anything we tried to do after that night was just awkward. We decided to just be friends. I was left broken hearted... and Billy moved on faster than I would’ve thought possible. Things haven’t been the same between us. Last summer dragged on, mainly because I wasn’t with Billy seven days a week. We occasionally saw each other in town, or at the beach, but there was nothing more than an uncomfortable ‘hey’ or a wave hello. This year, grade ten, was the first year I’d ever felt like I didn’t have any friends. Granted, I had a few girl friends who I spent time with studying after school or the odd sleepover on Friday nights, but I missed Billy. It was probably best for me to move, and start over. Maybe I’ll fall in love with someone else...
I glanced over at the beach; over a hundred feet lower than me from where I was sitting at the very top of the cliff. I remembered the night Billy and I almost kissed, then I tore my eyes away, afraid I might cry if I thought about it too much.
I’m not depressed; that’s something I’d never lie about. But I am sad, and lonely. Yes, definitely lonely.
The sun was lower in the sky now, a delicious twilight seeping through and flooding the sky. Even though I’m sure Huntston had the same sky and gorgeous array of colours to match at sundown, I was going to miss this. Who was I kidding? I was going to miss everything about Little River. By leaving, it was as though I was leaving my mom also, and all the good memories I had of her. Damn, I was starting to cry. I wiped my tears away and sighed. It felt as though my heart was sinking into my stomach.
Distant footsteps broke through my reverie. I turned my head, spotting Kyle a few yards away, making his last trek up the cliff. His usually childish expression was now masked with misery- Kyle didn’t want to move either.
“Is it time?” My voice was merely a quiet whisper.
He sat down next to me, and rested his head on his knees. He looked so much younger when he did that, much more like a small child than a seventeen year old.
“Dad’s getting anxious, Mindi.” Kyle replied. It was more than an implication that we’d better get a move on; dad was a force to be reckoned with.
I got to my feet, brushing off my clothes and taking one last glance at the disappearing sun. Was this really happening? Was I truly just going to dump my past in the trash bin and start all over? It sure looked that way.
Kyle and I made our way back to the beach. It was silent, aside from our soft footsteps and the waves crashing gently in and out of the shore.
I searched Kyle’s expression- he was the kind of guy who was making jokes when the going got tough. He was always trying to be funny. So I was worried when he just stared straight ahead, his brow furrowed and mouth set in a dominant frown.
Kyle and I had what some people would define as a ‘strange’ relationship. Not only was he my older brother, he was my best friend. He could be a joker, but he was also there for me through the tough stuff.
People often asked if we were twins, when they first met us. We were only a little over a year apart and we sure looked enough alike: same curly hair that appeared a honey brown at a first glance, but a much deeper, golden shade in the light. Our eyes were both blue eyes, although his were your typical baby blue, and mine almost a light icy blue, with a hint of azure. I inherited my eyes from my mom.
Suddenly, it was as though the heavens burst open, and water droplets started bucketing onto the beach. I shrieked, grabbing onto Kyle’s arm and making a run for it. Kyle made a joke about it having to rain on our last day, and I actually laughed along with him; it rarely rained in Little River, but when it did, it poured.
We made it to the vacant house within a few minutes, and I dashed for the truck that was ready to go out front. I thrust myself into the dry cab before I could get anymore soaked. Kyle followed suit, slamming the door behind him. Dad was already sitting in the driver’s seat. He started the truck, but sat there with his hands on the wheel for a moment, eyes glazed as he stared out the windshield. I wondered where his thoughts were.
“Dad?” I said quietly.
He snapped back to reality, looking me in the eye. “Yes?”
“What’s the holdup?” I asked.
He sighed, running a hand through his gold locks. “I’m just taking in one last moment of Little River, Min.” He smiled at me softly, his eyes crinkling around the edges. Then he put the truck in reverse, starting out of Little River.
For the first while, I can remember thinking about Billy. About how we could’ve had a real relationship if I hadn’t been such a baby. Then I wondered if this was for the best; out of sight, out of mind and all that.
I squeezed Kyle’s hand, and he returned the gesture. At least I had Kyle. That was a somewhat comforting.
The rain continued on as we drove out of town, but it subsided as we made our way north.
Next stop: hell.
I mean... Huntston.

*

Hello briggsy!

Nitpicks:

Not that I mind the little things, but I just don’t seem to adjust well to the big changes.

This seems a little, informal maybe. I don't know. Something about this sentence just doesn't sit well with me. It's the "not" and the "Just don't seem" that bother me. Maybe try taking them out.

I guess most would say moving isn't exactly life changing. I’d moved before, that wasn’t the issue. It was that I was moving back.

I would put this in the present tense rather than the past because it will engage the reader better.

Back to my place of birth, back to a place that seemed to belong to a fairy tale, rather than my life.

To add more oomph, I'd make this two sentences. The new sentence would start after birth.

I had this (an) eerie feeling about moving back to Huntston, the small town in Ontario where I was born and raised until the age of five. Huntston was (is) my dad’s hometown, not my mom’s.

my mom is no longer in the picture, as she died when I was ten.

Add more oomph by making two sentences. Period after picture, no 'as' and then the new sentence will start with "She".

and mine were almost as cold as ice.

I would add another descriptor here for the color because "cold" doesn't tell me a lot. Are her eyes white? Pale blue? Brown but lifeless?

You do a nice job with descriptions and the overall tone of the piece, but the whole thing feels a little flat to me. I do the same thing. It's all very passive and to engage the reader, it should be a lot more active. There's a lot of explanations and descriptions and not a lot is happening which gets a little old for the reader. Explanations are important, but it's also important to spice them up a little.

One way you can do this, is to switch from past tense to present tense. That way, the reader isn't reading about something that happened, they're in the story too. I pointed out a couple of spots where you should switch to present tense and if you're still confused I'd be happy to point out the rest to you.

Let me know if you have any questions or need anything else!

-Carly

Heya briggsy!! This is a great start to a novel and I cant wait to see what you've got lined up for future chapters!!

I love the way you write in first person as you make what she is thinking really real, if that makes sense. Don't worry if it doesn't, I know what I mean
As always those little nitpicks do find there way in somehow and it's my job to point them out for you, so let's get to it!

I had this eerie feeling about moving back to Huntston, the small town in Ontario

Instead of a comma you could do with a semi-colon because the second part is like an extra sentence.

except that my mom is no longer in the picture, as she died when I was ten.

Instead of putting "as she died" I'd just put "she died". For some reason it just seems to put more emotion in to it, that could just be me though

The cliff was my sanctuary, my safe haven,

It should be "the cliff is" instead of "the cliff was".

The never resting sparks that flickered excitedly off every possible angle of the sun were too mesmerizing to capture in your memory. You have to see it in person to fully appreciate its beauty.

I love this bit of description as it shows how your MC really feels about where she is, good job!!

It pained me to think about it... it pained me to think about anything, today.

You don't need the comma.

Because one thought lead to another,

I've found that it's not to good to start a sentence with "because", so you could try something like "One thought always lead to another".

Even though I’m sure Huntston had the same setting sky and gorgeous array of colours to match,

"the same setting sky" doesn't make sense, try taking out "setting"

I got to my feet, brushing on my clothes

It should be "brushing off my clothes".

I hope this review is ok. I'm sorry that it's kind of long but all those nitpicks, you know? You don't have to take in any of my suggestions I just like to give an example of what I'd do when I think something should be changed to help the writer out . Keep up the amazing writing and just put a bit more description in; not to much though!!

If you need anything PM me or post something on my wall, Midnight x

I can't think of any other little nitpicks to add, and it looks like you've fixed most of them already.
let me just say I am really excited to read more. You've set up this great character building thing, I can't believe the person in your prologue is the same as this person. I can tell that your a really talented writer, which means the whole transformation thing is going to be epic.
I've never been able to write like this, I felt completely in touch with your characters and their emotions. I'm so in love with your writing style, please post more!