TAKERS - Prologue

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Synopsis

In the wake of the global economic crisis, and the coalition government coming into power in May 2010, the UK went through a period of turmoil. Government cuts were seen in all sectors: education, healthcare, military. One of the worst hit was Scotland Yard. Front line policing was impossible to afford, less officers were available to respond to emergencies, and crime steadily rose.

Public outcry bought about new legislation, allowing private sector security companies the same legal powers as the Metropolitan Police Service. This resolved some issues, but by 2018 many companies had become corrupt, initiating crimes in order to 'solve' them - profiting both from the crimes, and solving them. These groups, called "Takers" after the old English "thief-takers", have created a system of law and disorder almost inescapable to the British public.


Smoke dances in upward spirals from his lips, trapped in the beams that shine down from the streetlights. It provides him with some brief beauty to help forget the deed just done. A respite from the ever-worsening course his life seems to be following.

He looks down at his hand, wanting to take another drag from the cigarette. The butt is smeared with red from his initial fumbling with the packet. That sight snaps him back into the present. In the pouring rain he keels over onto his knees and vomits. His arms quiver trying to steady him as he expels the last hour of his life out onto the pavement. Blood is washed from his hands to merge with the pool of sick.

In the surrounding puddles his reflection is distorted, the constant torrent of rain warps his face into some kind of monster. Tears roll down his face, but are masked by droplets from the sky that slither down his body from head to toe. The rain tries it’s hardest to clean these filthy streets, to rid them of the depraved vermin that roam them and of the heinous acts they commit. It is trying to rid the streets of him.

A line of spit dangles from his lip, stuck to his chin like the snot of a baby that has yet to learn to control it’s own body. Unable to bear the world around him, a world he has helped to create, he runs. He needs to get home. He has done his job and will get his pay. Tomorrow this will just be another file on McFarlane’s desk...

___




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Hey there! Im here as requested :)

Firstly, I want to ask you, do you really need a prologue? Many people don't really like them, and it's a well known fact that unless they're done really well, they can be a bit of a turn off for agents/editors if you want to publish this. I tend to find that prologues rarely add anything to the story that cannot be given in the chapters, and they prolong the start of the actual book, which is why we're reading.

There's often an advantage to having a piece so short, but in this case I think it would be better if you elaborated a little. Some of the ideas here seem a little halted. You have a nice style of writing - show it off more!

I couldn't find any particular grammer issues so good work on that front. Let me know when you post more! :D




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My belief on a prologue is this; It's there to introduce the story, but if it's only used if the introduction doesn't fit with whatever comes next in the story, like it takes place in a different time, is from the perspective of a different character, or doesn't have a clear connection the the plot and story that would be presented in chapter one. I haven't read any other parts of your story, so I don't know whether this applies to you or not, but this seams like the beginning of the overall plot, and like this will be your main character.

I love your plot! You tied it into current events, which makes it more plausible. You didn't use your stereotypical futuristic setting either. This is an important topic and I'm betting you'll have a powerful message when you finish.

I love your writing, but I do think you could find a better way to word a couple of things, just read through it and see what comes to mind.
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