The Reason

I don’t see the point, in believing.
No I don’t see the point, in hoping.
Oh I can’t see the point, in daring.
With all your luck, for a brighter day.

I can see the reason, behind a smile.
Yes I can see the reason, behind kindness.
Oh I can see the reason, in making.
With all your luck, a brighter day.

I can see the point, in believing.
Yes I can see the point, in hoping.
Oh I can see the point, in daring.
When all your luck, makes a brighter day.

Spoiler

Hi, this was just something I was singing when I was in the bathroom and I thought it was kind of cute :3 (I did come up with this all by myself!) I know most of it doesn‘t make since, but it‘s not really supposed to, if you get what I mean. Please feel free to review though!

I don’t see the point#FF0000 ">, in believing.
No I don’t see the point#FF0000 ">, in hoping.
Oh I can’t see the point#FF0000 ">, in daring.
With all your luck#FF0000 ">, for a brighter day. It just seems like those are really out of place. Also, I would change it so it's something like "I don't see the point in believing./I don't see the chance in hoping./I don't see the worth in daring..." changing the word point to some different words, because even though repetition can create a sense of rhythm, overdoing it can just make it duller.

I can see the reason, behind a smile.
Yes I can see the reason, behind kindness.
Oh I can see the reason, in making.
With all your luck, a brighter day. I won't critique the comma thing again, but you know, it's still there.

I can see the point, in believing.
Yes I can see the point, in hoping.
Oh I can see the point, in daring.
When all your luck, makes a brighter day.

Okay, so I really like the idea of this poem especially because it seems like everybody writes totally downer poetry. I love optimistic poems! I just feel like the sudden transition from "I can't" to "I can" was too sudden and unexplained. I would've liked to have had some inkling to subtle change, or to why the writer's view has changed.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

Hey there! I'm here to review
I don't think I'll be of much help at this point because someone *cough* StoryWeaver *cough* has made al my points already!

ForsakenAngel wrote:Oh I can’t see the point, in daring.
With all your luck, for a brighter day.

I don't understand how you can 'dare' for a brighter day - dare to hope for maybe but not dare for. To me this connection just doesn't make sense.
Also - you don't hope with all your luck This might sound better as with all your heart.

Just make sure you can clearly explain your poem, but I have to agree that I like the optimitic tone! It's really refreshing

Hello!

Like I said in the spoiler (in case you didn't read that part) it's not supposed to make since.It was something that came off the top of my head and I felt like sharing. I do agree with your points, but I'm not changing anything in the poem, I'm just keeping those tips for next time. I don't do this kind of poetry very often--I don't do poetry very often!--and when I do, it never makes since. But thank you all for pointing out the flaws.

--Angel

Hi there!

I sing some things randomly, but I'm not brave enough to actually write them down! They're usually horrible. ^_^

Your piece is great. I enjoyed reading it and I actually read through it a couple times. It definitely flows well and I couldn't find any grammer or spelling errors.

Keep writing! And singing too