I Am You...

I don’t really write poems. So this is one of my first proper poems (I guess it is) I ever wrote. So comment…

I Am You…

I am your perception, your knowledge
I am your comrade,
your virtuous friend.

I am a benediction to the living world,
an oblation by the Lord.
I am not obstinate.

Obsession can build in me
But I have no flaw.
I am something necessary to you.
I am your eternal flame.

I make you commendable,
Demeanor depends on me
Prediction is what I can tell.

I give you the elegant feeling
I propagate in youself the ability
I am authentic.

I am not an immigrant
I am you…
your mind.

The tone for this is fitting for the poem and it goes along nicely. Some parts, however, it is a little rough, like this stanza:
I make you commendable,
Demeanor depends on me
Prediction is what I can tell.
It's mostly the last two lines. They kind of point-blank state something while the rest of the poem is not as much like that.

Then there were some lines that didn't really seem right.

I am something requisite to you.
The way 'requisite' in the sentence doesn't seem exactly right. I would suggest re-wording the sentence to clarify it.

I propagate in youself the ability
Again, this sentence doesn't seem right. And what ability are you talking about? You didn't mention this before or after you talked about it. If you are referring to something, clarify. Also, 'yourself' seems to be a typo.

I am not an immigrant
The way you put this, it would seem like you would have something along the lines of a stranger, not an immigrant (whether metaphorical or literal). I would choose a different word.

It is pretty good for a first poem. I suggest you take away the poll though... Write what you like- who cares if you are "bad" at it? But it really was pretty good overall. Keep writing.

I have a tendency to give stupid advice, so let me just say it reminded me of Sad But True by Metallica except it was more wordy. Aside from that, do everything emotion_less said.

In answer to your question, yes. You should keep writing poetry! Everyone should. As you said, this is your first (or one of your first) attempts at it, so you'll get better with time, practice and exposure to good poetry. Read as much of it as possible, keep writing and never give up because someone didn't like something you wrote. I'll be looking out for your future efforts.

I am you…
Don’t you recognize me?
I am your mind.

gah! this poem was so good...but that ending was a bit..er..cliche? (i really have to come up with a different word for that. cliche is becoming cliche nowadays.)

I loved you extensive vocabulary, and I would like to see your next poem written about somebody other than "yourself". I've read millions of poems riddled with "I am..."s. And even though this was good, I think the subject matter was a little...eh.

But definitely keep writing poetry.

Thanks to you all for appreciating my work, and for the kind words.

I’ll soon take away the poll cuz I think you all are right that who cares if someone likes it or not, if I want to right I should go for it.

Some questions that I want to ask are that should I replace the word requisite with necessary?
And I edited the last two line so, is it now a bit sensible ?

i really liked that excellent i really liked this bit I am a benediction to the living world,
an oblation by the Lord.
I am not obstinate.

(the poll) i think anyone can write poems even me and i've only writen one poem i think i'm not sure but hey it dosn't have to be perfect it has to be good and in a way every one is not perfect you just have to be good which is everyone because different people have different opions

Thank you so much Zell

And yes of course I agree with you on the poll thing.










-sayani.

What about my question that I asked that should I replace requisite with necessary??












-sayani

I think this was a great poem. You have a wonderful knowledge of what vocabulary to use. I think you should use necessary instead of requisite however.

Great poem!

You should keep writing poetry...it was good.

I am you…
your mind.

Wow! Superb last line, bandhu! How true, too.

I'm not very experienced with poetry either; I've never really tried it, but I've heard you get better as you write.

Because I have difficulty with poetry, I use punctuation as a guide because they identify pauses etc...rather than lines. Some of the stanzas didn't have any punctuation, which threw me off a bit. I still felt that it flowed nicely etc...

You asked if you should change 'requisite' to necessary. It's a different number of syllables, and the number of syllables changes the rhythm. You can try saying it outloud and see if it disrupts the flow.

Definately keep writing poetry!

~Jacquie~

Thank you so much guys for commenting on my poem.

And thanks bandhu!!(Jacquie)

I've changed the word 'requisite' to 'necessary' ,hope it is sounding good.








-Sayani.

I really liked that Definately carry on writing, I think you'll go far!

Hey thanks!

And welcome to the site.

Definately keep writing poems I liked it, keep up the work.