The Romanov

Prologue.

It was then, that I first laid eyes on the carnal, exotic, creature before me and it may be my last. I raised my hands in innocence eyeing the twelve gauge shotgun she held in her tiny hands.

The blood lust in her eyes was hunger, it was hate, carnage even but above all it was desire. Desire shown through those blue eyes, desire for want of her trigger finger to pull back, letting the thirsty bullet escape from its metal cage and plow deeply into my skull.

I could see myself falling backwards, my eyes not seeing the scarlet of my blood spew from me, my eyes not seeing the little twitch of a smile crossing her plump lips.

I blinked once, twice and the image of me lying flat on my back unseeing, danced before me. I focused on the crazed beauty before me, her eyes such a vibrant blue they would make the jewel, for which they are named after thrive with jealousy. Her tawny colored hair soft as silk billowing in the wind behind her, showing off her ample little body.

Those eyes, my God I will never forget that look in her bright carnal blue eyes.

Was this to be my end? I wondered, struck down by this siren? And I a man of war, a man of death. Am I to be snuffed out like this, after all that I have seen and lived through?

Her petal shaped lips twitched in that one of a kind smile then disappeared; her bright eyes grew fierce.

“Out of my way Viking!” she snarls her voice sweeter then I imagined. “My quarrel is not with you.”

“Viking?” I ask bewildered.

Before I could utter another word, like a viper the butt of her gun struck out, slamming into my skull. And just like so many others before me, I Jensen Kolbeck, fell victim to The Romanov . . .

“And then I woke up.” I answered, pinching the bridge of my nose as I fought back the memory of the nightmares that have been haunting me the past three weeks.

My therapist, psychiatrist, shrink, whatever the hell these punks are called nowadays looked me right in the eye about to ask a question and I swear if he asks me ‘how does that make me feel.’ He’s going to end up flat on his ass.

“Why do you believe you are having these dreams?” my shrink asked, his pen poised ready to write down my every word and judge me mentally unstable.

I hated, with a fiery passion, psychiatrists. They really don’t have a single idea when it comes to the human psyche, there’s only One being that does and let’s just say the only instruction manual He’s handing out is in gibberish. So really there is no point for these “counselors” if all they can really do is spout out big words and show you ink flash cards, a worthless profession.

I again pinched the bridge of my nose, this time fighting off the migraine this twenty-something so-called “doctor” was giving me.

“Why do you believe I am having these nightmares?” I countered, putting emphasis on the nightmare part since I was having a woman in my dreams trying to kill me and all. I believe that is considered a nightmare, there’s nothing Disney about death, trust me. I’ve seen death first hand, there’s definitely nothing Disney about death. Cold hard truth.

The young therapist leaned forward pushing his glasses that he probably thought made him look smarter and older, thought they really didn’t, back up his long lean nose. His blue eyes pensive as he stared at me there was no doubt he was trying to make me feel uncomfortable and back down first.

The little shit should know that my being a Major in the United States Special Forces could never be intimidated by someone like him; it would be like the flame afraid of the moth; impossibly ridiculous.

The young man sat back and began scrawling in his notebook, he paused every once in a while casting a glance at me, what should take him mere moments to write down was actually taking close to an hour it felt.

It didn’t matter how long he took, I was used to waiting. So I sat back against the couch, resting my hand under my head and crossing my ankle over my knee, trying not to bounce that knee in aggravation. It would only cause him to write down more in that damned notebook.

I could wait for the rest of our session for his answer if need be. It didn’t bother me at all to wait—well I wasn’t going to let him know that it drove me beyond crazy to wait for something as ludicrous as this.

Minutes pass by and my knee does start to bounce, though not loudly, yet. Though I’m sure that Dr. Vallowe wouldn’t even hear an atomic bomb go off, he’s so fixated on that damn notebook. He most likely wasn’t even writing anything of importance down unless you count the doodles of tits that were doubtless strewn across the pages. Something he knew nothing about since he was—oh around fourteen and liked the idea of playing doctor a phase children his age should have long grown out of.

Christ, I’m getting mental help from a kid who hasn’t been out of diapers—what? Less than a month? Fuck me.

“Actually I’m twenty-seven and have been out of diapers just as long as you have, maybe even longer since it seems my mentality is higher than yours. By the way of my mother taught me that if I didn’t have anything nice to say that I shouldn’t say anything at all.” The kid answered swiftly, flashing a smirk as he sat down his notebook.

“Touché,” I growled, finding it hard to swallow such a fat pill. “I hadn’t realized I said that out loud I—“

“No apologies Major, you don’t want to be here and find my profession to be a joke, I get it.” The doctor intervened.

“It’s quite understandable considering the circumstances and all. I would be the exact same way if our places were switched.”

“If our places had been switched I would have knocked my ass out already.” I laughed, actually trying to get more comfortable in the leather couch.

“Touché,” the kid offered with a smile as he ran his hand through his scruffy blond beard. “Now it seems that we are even, shall we start anew?” he held out his hand an eager look in his blue eyes.

I sat up taking his hand, what could it hurt? We had fifteen minutes left, last I knew it took much longer than fifteen minutes for an intervention to work and I didn’t plan on coming back after this one visit.

His handshake was surprisingly different from when we had been first introduced by my commanding officer then it had been flimsy, weak. Now it was firm, solid and he wouldn’t let go.

I fought the unbelievable urge to struggle and pull back against his hold, he must have noted that in my posture but made no comment, he continued to hold true and steadfast.

“Major, why do you believe that you are here? As far as I am concerned you seem to be mentally stable for a man of your profession.” Dr. Vallowe said finally letting go of my hand and clasping his long piano fingers around his knee.

I snorted. Why did therapist have to ask questions to which they already know? Was it just to further humiliate men who come to them for help?

“Well,” I started clearly done with this whole go to therapy thing; there was nothing here that this child could teach me that I didn’t already know. Dream or no dream. “To my knowledge waking up in the middle of the night screaming is not something they label as healthy and/or appropriate for a soldier in the arm, whether he is a cadet or someone who commands thousands.”

Never before have I had such vivid and hellish nightmares before; never have any of my kills while serving my country bothered me, except now. And I have never killed a woman at that and now one is haunting me through my dreams trying to take her revenge out on me, and every time she keeps getting closer and closer.

The young doctor smiled and made another note.

“Why a woman?” he asks.

Lord and Savior hallowed be thy name, I wanted to groan. Again with the questions that he clearly knows I have no fucking idea as to what the answer may be.

Why a woman? Why the hell not? I don’t dream about men that’s for sure.

“Maybe I find women to be intimidating. Maybe I have this crazy fantasy with a woman playing naughty little dominatrix sex games with me.” I replied and he continued to scribble, though I doubted he believed a single word I just said.

“Did you recognize her?”

“No.” I answered curtly glancing at the clock, seven minutes exactly.

“Did you find her attractive?” another smirk, yet another reason why I wanted to knock his teeth out. I bet if the doc ever dreamed about this bitch he wouldn’t be laughing he would most likely be pissing his neatly pressed pants, pussy.

I paused, running her image through my head, though I should know her looks by heart now.

Long, wavy brownish red hair, raging blue eyes the colors of the richest sapphire jewel. Small petite body, curvy in all the right places yet she had muscle in all the right places as well. A round childlike face, small pert nose, rosebud shaped lips the color of a carnation. She was angry, always very angry.

“Yes, I suppose I did find her somewhat appealing.” I lied, because I found her to be terribly sexy and a woman I would love to meet when she was feeling all hot and bothered that, ladies and gentlemen would be a story to tell all the boys back at base.

Dr. Vallowe scribbled once more and the shut the notebook, he set it on the mahogany coffee table in front of us and stood.

“Well I am sorry to say that our time is up, but I will recommend that you do come back every week to discuss if your dreams have changed whatsoever, until then I suggest that you try and get some much desired sleep one that won’t be haunted with dreams of ferocious women wanting to kill you, though I have no idea why a woman would want to do that.”
He flashed me a smile leading me towards the door.

I paused in the doorway. “Besides getting sleep do you have any other recommendations doctor?”

He smiled again, his blue eyes mischievous, “Yes, I suggest that when you’re thinking you learn to do so in your head and not out loud, that sort of thing could land you in trouble.” With that he shut the door in my face.

“Therapists.” I scoffed.

You have a very interesting voice, to say the least. The dialogue was rather believable. The characters were interesting. Your diction was rather impeccable. On a reviewing basis, this story had pretty much all the bases covered, and that's a lot of bases.

I suppose that's why this piece has a lack of reviews... its hard to spot bad things in pieces that are generally, well, good.

You have a few grammatical errors which appeared to be typos. There were also reoccurring comma misplacement's and splices that should be taken care of.

Generally speaking, I liked this. I feel almost bad I can't say much about it. Maybe I'll come back in the morning and give it a good one over, but for now, I'm just going to have to leave it with this. I hope you don't mind!

~Walker

Hey there. This was quite an interesting read. I like the interaction between your narrator and his therapist; the dialogue was pretty realistic, and his internal commentary was entertaining.

It was then, that I first laid eyes on the carnal, exotic, creature before me and it may be my last. [This sentence seems out of place. Consider something like 'and I thought it may have been my last.'] I raised my hands in innocence, eyeing the twelve-gauge shotgun she held in her tiny hands.

The blood lust in her eyes was hunger, it was hate--carnage, even--but above all it was desire. Desire shown through those blue her [this prevents the repetition of her eyes color] eyes, desire for want of her trigger finger to pull back, letting the thirsty bullet escape from its metal cage and plow deeply into my skull.

I focused on the crazed beauty before me, her eyes such a vibrant blue they would make the jewel, after which they were named, thrive with jealousy.

Her tawny-colored hair, soft as silk, billowed in the wind behind her, showing off her ample little body.

Those eyes, my God I will never forget that look in her bright carnal blue eyes. [Again, there was some repetition with the eye-color, and the description of their brightness.]

And I, a man of war, a man of death.

Her petal shaped lips twitched in that one-of-a-kind smile, which quickly disappeared; her bright eyes grew fierce.

"Out of my way Viking!" she snarls, her voice sweeter then than I had imagined. "My quarrel is not with you."

"Viking?" I ask bewildered. [Both of these sentences are in present-tense, but the rest of the story is past-tense.]

"And then I woke up." I answered, [I used to make this mistake a lot. The period after 'up' should be a comma; the dialogue and the speech tag are one continuous sentence, so there shouldn't be a full stop.

These are just suggestions, of course. Your description was good, but it could use a bit of polishing. There were also a lot of punctuation errors. Otherwise, I liked it, and I'm interested to see where you go with this. Keep up the good work!

Thank you all for the marvelous comments!! I have never received such uplifting comments in quite some time, it makes me feel as if I am traveling on the right path! So thank you again, I will take everything into consideration and tweak what needs to be tweaked! I've had a very long and heady conversation with my muse and more chapters are to come, just need to straighten some things out, but I promise it won't be long!! Thank you, thank you!

Addawen

Hey! So sorry it's so late!

Nitpicks:

It was then, that I first laid eyes on the carnal, exotic, creature before me and it may be my last.

I'm having a slight problem with "it may be my last". It doesn't flow very well with the rest of the sentence. I get what you're trying to say and everything, but I think you could take it out.

I raised my hands in innocence, eyeing the twelve gauge shotgun she held in her tiny hands.

The blood lust in her eyes was hunger, it was hate, carnage even but above all it was desire.

I would start a new sentence with "but above all else, it was desire." I know you're not supposed to start sentences with "But" but I think it will add a nice impact. If anything, you need a comma at least.

Desire shown through those blue eyes, desire for want of her trigger finger to pull back, letting the thirsty bullet escape from its metal cage and plow deeply into my skull.

I would start a new sentence at the second "desire". That way you don't have quite as long of a sentence and you get some nice parallel structure going with the repeat of "desire".
I'm also not crazy about "desire for want". That sounds a little odd to me.

the jewel, for which they are named after

What jewel is this?

Was this to be my end?

I feel like this should be "Is this to be my end?"

I hated, with a fiery passion, psychiatrists.

I hate psychiatrists with a fiery passion.

a worthless profession.

I would make this a new sentence and add "It's" at the beginning.

I again pinched the bridge of my nose, this time fighting off the migraine this twenty-something so-called “doctor” was giving me.

This sentence is a little long and wordy. It's a little confusing. "I pinched the bridge of my nose again in an attempt to fight off the migraine..."
Also, the "was" should be "is"

since I was having a woman in my dreams

This should be present. "Is"

I believe that is considered a nightmare, there’s nothing Disney about death, trust me. I’ve seen death first hand, there’s definitely nothing Disney about death. Cold hard truth.

This seems unnecessary. Since the reader has already experienced what one of these nightmares is like, I'm sure most people would agree that it's a nightmare and you don't have to explain why he thinks it's a nightmare too.

The young therapist leaned forward pushing his glasses that he probably thought made him look smarter and older, thought they really didn’t, back up his long lean nose.

That middle part of the sentence about being smarter and older makes the sentence feel clumsy to me. It takes away from the overall meaning of the sentence. If you want to leave it in, I would simply start a new sentence. Something like "The young therapist leaned forward, pushing his glasses back up his long, lean nose. He probably thought the glasses made him look smarter and older, though they really don't."

that my being a Major

This sounds really awkward. Try to think of a new way to say this information.

it would be like the flame afraid of the moth; impossibly ridiculous.

Start a new sentence here and replace the semi colon with a comma.

“Actually I’m twenty-seven and have been out of diapers just as long as you have, maybe even longer since it seems my mentality is higher than yours. By the way of my mother taught me that if I didn’t have anything nice to say that I shouldn’t say anything at all.” The kid answered swiftly, flashing a smirk as he sat down his notebook.

So can he read minds or did the patient really say everything out loud?

“Well,” I started clearly done with this whole go to therapy thing; there was nothing here that this child could teach me that I didn’t already know.

I would put a period after "started" and then start a new sentence with "I'm done with this.."

Dream or no dream.

This didn't quite fit for me. I'm a little confused.

in the army,

Never before have I had such vivid and hellish nightmares before; never have any of my kills while serving my country bothered me, except now.

"Never before" bothers me. I'd go with "I've never had such..."

And I have never killed a woman at that and now one is haunting me through my dreams trying to take her revenge out on me, and every time she keeps getting closer and closer.

This sentence is a little wordy to me. Try something like:
"I have never killed a woman, but now one is haunting me in my dreams trying to get revenge. Each time I see her she gets closer and closer"

I lied, because I found her to be terribly sexy and a woman I would love to meet when she was feeling all hot and bothered that, ladies and gentlemen would be a story to tell all the boys back at base.

New sentence at "That, ladies..."

I think overall, you have a very interesting concept and idea here. I'm intrigued but I feel like I already know what might happen. My prediction is, these dreams are somewhat real and the Romanov will end up finding him and killing him (or at least attempting to) at some point. I feel like the therapist is a bad dude and maybe is in a league with the Romanov. But maybe I'm just nuts

I like the voice of the main character and his distaste for his "shrink". I thought your descriptions were really good. The only thing I would add is more setting. I feel like I know the characters fairly well and various small things pretty well, but I want some more of the big picture.

The only real problem I noticed is that sometimes your sentences tend to get a little wordy and could be broken up a little and some of the sentences don't flow super well because the words are somewhat jumbled inside. But as a whole, I think you've got a nice start here.

Let me know if you have any questions or need anything else!

-Carly