The Desert Speaks

Colorful veils
Jeweled hip scarves
Shimmying to the beat of the drum
Swaying to the rhythm of the arabian music
Hands and arms making waves
Temptation
A smile across her face
As she performs for her audience
Foreign
Mystical and magical
Next her stomach rolls
She shoulder shimmy
Eyes seductive
Every movement telling a story
Of the deserts
Of the long, cool nights
Of an ancient art called Bellydance
Oueens, Sultans, and Concubines
Even the stars are watching too
Merchants and peasents alike
Marvel at a beautiful sight
In the candlelight
Under the star-filled night

You made some serious grammatical errors, for example;

She shoulder shimmy

This should be phrased differently, or you should find a way to describe the movement in a different manner, because it doesn't make sense. Also, the lack of any sort of punctuation bothers me deeply, mainly because it makes it much more difficult to detect any sort of pentameter, or rhythm to your work. You have some nice imagery and the cultural references are well balanced, but it's a little rough around the edges. Refine it and make it less sloppy.

Hello! I like this poem. It's simple and straight forward. Nitpicks:

1. Punctuation! Add some punctuation to add to the flow of the poem.

2. I have to agree with llama,perhaps this

She shoulder shimmy

should be

Her shoulders shimmying

I realize it's a short review. I didn't have much to say. This is a good, simple poem. The ease is refreshing.
Keep Writing and happy review day!

(Sorry this review sucked)

Colorful veils,
Jeweled hip scarves,
Shimmying to the beat of the drum.
Swaying to the rhythm of the arabian music,
Hands and arms making waves.
Temptation,
A smile across her face.
As she performs for her audience,
Foreign,
Mystical and magical.
Next her stomach rolls,
She shoulder shimmy,
Eyes seductive,
Every movement telling a story.
Of the deserts,
Of the long, cool nights,
Of an ancient art called belly dance.
Oueens, Sultans, and Concubines
Even the stars are watching too I liked this part a lot it gave me something to see and imagine
Merchants and peasents alike
Marvel at a beautiful sight
In the candlelight
Under the star-filled night

OKay I really thought this poem has great potential but I think you should add more imagery and I was trying to show you how you could maybe try to add some punctuation in this piece in order to make it flow better. Thanks for posting!

Peace,
Snickerdooly

Hey Creative Muse!

Ooh, I definitely like this one. The idea is fresh and I love the imagery of the woman and the desert. It's very fantastic!

Now, because I am an annoying person and I love to nitpick things, I have a couple of things to comment on, lol.

Okay, so the first thing is... the belly dance! By nature, it is a very erotic dance, and I kind of wish you made the poem more sensual. For instance, you talked about the veil. But, part of the allure of the veil is because it makes you wonder what's underneath. You can see a little bit, since it is sheer (or at least the ones I have seen are sheer!) but not all of it. So yep!

Also, another thing that I missed was the description of the jingling. Maybe it's just me but when I think of belly dancing, I think of all the jingling of the jewelry they have on. I think it would be really neat if you can talk about this too.

Okay! Line by line nitpicks!

Colorful veils <-- instead of using the word "colorful" why not talk about the various colors?
Jeweled hip scarves
Shimmying to the beat of the drum
Swaying to the rhythm of the arabian music <-- maybe a line about how the arabian music sounds?
Hands and arms making waves <-- I think you should just use "hands" or "arms" not both here.
Temptation <-- I don't like this line very much... I think it doesn't describe what you need it to.
A smile across her face <-- I would love to see this line have a bit more... erotic quality, I guess? after all, the veil may be covering this.
As she performs for her audience <-- I don't like this line because it kind of takes us out with just enjoying her and her alone.
Foreign <-- I don't like this because I think we should be transported into her world seamlessly.
Mystical and magical <-- Is it really, in the literal sense? If it isn't, you may be better off with a different word.
Next her stomach rolls
She shoulder shimmy <-- This doesn't make sense
Eyes seductive <-- Instead of saying that her eyes are seductive, you can say that her eyes are dark and heady. Or some other words. It might work better for you.
Every movement telling a story <-- This is a "telling" line that doesn't really show anything. Maybe if you can say, "Her body speaks of the deserts" or something like that and it'll seem much better.
Of the deserts
Of the long, cool nights <-- and hot days? Talk more about the deserts!
Of an ancient art called Bellydance <-- I don't think this line is necessary... it is quite obvious what you are talking about.
Oueens, Sultans, and Concubines <-- "Queens" is misspelled here.
Even the stars are watching too <-- You can say "On cool nights, the stars stare" or something else and it would be a much more interesting line.
Merchants and peasents alike <-- "peasants" are misspelled.
Marvel at a beautiful sight
In the candlelight
Under the star-filled night

But, I really did like this. Good job!

This is lovely! As a bellydancer myself, I can relate, though, I'm not from Arabia, as my name suggests hehe
You did make some gramatical errors, which the other reviewers have pointed out. There's no point me repeating their advice and corrections!
I just wanted to let you know how much I liked this piece. With a tweak here and there, this poem could be absolutely fantastic.
Anyways, I know this review wasn't very helpful, but I hope it boosted your writers' esteem! XD
~ Alia ( PM me if you want a full nitpick)