Dreams Tell Lies - Chapter Ten

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So here's chapter ten :) I had a few issues mid chapter but hopefully sorted most of them! Let me know what you think!


Chapter Ten
The dormitories in the camp where much like the ones I’d imagined at a boarding school. They were separated into girls and boys and each gender had about fifteen rooms. Girls slept in the north part of the building whilst the boys slept in the south. The beds were nothing fancy, no four poster luxury that some could have expected. Instead, they were simple, single beds with seven of them in my room. I was still to come across any windows in this prison, the lighting was all artificial and each room’s interior was decorated in the same style with bright white walls, flooring and ceiling. It was like being in a permanent laboratory.
As far as I could tell, the ages of the children ranged from about eight up to eighteen, yet I had heard gossip of toddles and young children who were tested in a building nearby. Of course, we were never allowed out of the building and many of us suspected that most of it was underground anyway. The passages wove intricate patterns in every direction, and you had to take a clear note of which direction you were going or you might never get found again. Talia was convinced that there were bodies lying down forgotten hallways and when they were finally found they were nothing but a pile of bones. I tried to take some of the things with a pinch of salt, assuming she had exaggerated them.
Talia, I found out, was thirteen years old. She had lived here since the age of ten after being captured from one of the villages. Her four year old brother had also been taken and she hadn’t seen him since. Many of the children here seemed to have similar stories, taken from their families and been forced to undergo tests of their power. There were a select few who, like Angelica, believed that this ‘Creator’ was the sole reason for their existence and worshipped him beyond belief but for the most part the people here either were like me and had had no clue that he existed, or believed him to be a variant of the devil.
I was shown around the main complex by Talia, who seemed to have taken it upon herself to look after me or to ‘stop the brainwashers from getting to you’ as she put it.
Each day, I noticed a new line of people stood outside the room to the far left of the eating hall. The gold lettering embellished on the door pronounced the room to be number three hundred and eighty nine and a sign below it read ‘authorised personnel only.’ Coming back from lunch I noticed the surly boy whom I had spoken to on my very first day in the main part of the camp. He too was stood outside the door and I pointed this out to Talia.
“That’s Zachary,” she told me. “He’s been here for six years so they say, ever since it was created.”
“Where are they taking him?”
“Room three eight nine. Nobody knows what happens once you get inside until you're there. Then you’re trapped, those who go in, never come out.” I stared at the line of people waiting for their fate. Some were silent, some crying and others shaking in fear.
“Can’t we do something?” I asked desperately.
“Don’t you think we’ve tried? Even if you did run and hide somewhere you’d get found or lost. We can’t win here Ashling, it doesn’t work like that.”
I watched as two identical girls, only about nine years old, were called into the room. They screamed and pulled and held on tightly to one another begging not to be taken. Talia turned away from their pleas, looking pointedly in the opposite direction but I couldn’t take my eyes off them. Long blonde curls fell to their waist and even wearing the standard, baggy clothing that was required here they still looked thin and frail.
A forceful looking woman strode out and picked up one of the girls by the collar, dragging the other one along by the hair. Their screams carried into the next room before the door clanged shut and they were gone forever.
“It’s horrible,” I whispered hoarsely, wiping my eyes to prevent the tears from falling. “How can they do that to such young children?”
“Do what miss?” A voice asked from behind me. It was a young man, dressed in a long white coat and carrying the routine thermometer on a stick around his neck.
“How they can-” I began but Talia cut me off.
“Nothing, we were just talking.”
“Very well…”
“Adams,” she prompted him.
“Yes,” he muttered. “You’ll do just fine.” He turned to me, “come along Sanders, it is time for your routine check up. Please walk this way.”
I shot a worried glance at Talia but she didn’t seem too phased, “you’ll be fine Ashling.”
I returned her grin and then asked, “will you wait for me here?”
“No,” she replied. “You’ll be quite a while so come up to the dorm when you’ve finished?” I nodded and just as I turned to walk away she gave me a quick hug. “Don’t let them get to you, okay?” Withdrawing, she smiled at me, “see you in a bit.”
“In the dorm,” I confirmed as I followed the young man away. I was surprised by Talia’s sudden display of affection but touched as well. She really was a sweet girl and if I ever got out of here I was going to make it my number one priority to take her along with me. She didn’t deserve to be in here, she was only thirteen years old…
After many winding routes I found myself stood outside a door that read Lab Seventeen, in the same gold lettering that I had seen before. The door was opened, and I found that that the room look exactly like all the others. Just as I had suspected.
The laboratory was laden with instruments of some kind all stacked on metal shelves. I didn’t recognise any of them as standard medical equipment; they all seemed to have strange looking digits on them and were odd shapes. I hoped they weren’t planning on using any of them on me, they didn’t look as though they passed health and safety regulations.
In the centre stood a plain table, mirroring the ivory tone of the walls and floor. It looked oddly familiar but for the life of me I had no idea where I had seen it before. It was hooked up to what appeared to be a heart monitor except that on the end of it was a kind of hat with several translucent suction cups hanging off it by string.
Three women stood over by the table, each wearing the standard lab coat and instrument around their necks.
“Come here Ashling,” one of them called. She had waxen skin as if she had never seen the light of the sun. Although, I thought, she had probably not been out since she had started working here. Everyone seemed to joke about how ill The Creator’ ‘minions’ seemed to be and I had laughed along with them, never really understanding what they meant. Now of course, I could see their sallow skin and bloodshot eyes. They looked as if they hadn’t had any sleep in weeks and each wore the same expression as their eyes bored into mine.
It was very hesitantly that I stumbled over to the examination table, my heartbeat kicked into overdrive and pounded like horses hooves on a dirt road. All three of the witches beckoned me closer, pointing directly to where I would sit. I perched on the edge of the table, and then reluctantly swung my legs over until I was lying down. A light was shone directly over my head and I began to feel as if I were at the dentist’s, yet this thought was no more comforting than my real situation.
“Now, you will put on the mentality observer,” she declared, indicating the thing I had supposed to be a hat.
“The what?” She ignored me, placing the monster over my head. It fell just below my eyes and I pushed it up, determined to watch what was going on.
“What are your powers?” she asked lazily, as though she had done this a million times before. I didn’t understand. Why was it that everyone hear seemed to think I had some kind of gift? Quite possibly what was even worse was the fact that nobody treated it like it was anything out of the ordinary. I had seen young boys running at incredible speeds and girls who picked up things that must have been ten times their own weight and act as if they were feather light.
Magic was banned in the camp unless you were in one of the strict training rooms but I still spotted the occasional strange happening in the corridors; someone floating an inch or two off the ground or children who seemed to be there one minute but had vanished the next. I would often question Talia about hers but all she would tell me was that they weren’t very interesting and she couldn’t do a lot with them yet. She seemed to think that she was slower than the others in magical ability and that soon enough they would decide that she was a dead end. I found this hard to believe, she was so full of knowledge and very observant; maybe that was her power?
“Well?” another woman prompted me, her black eyes boring into mine. “Spit it out girl we haven’t got all day.”
“I haven’t got any,” I admitted. “I never have done.”
“Nonsense, you wouldn’t have been brought here if you didn’t! Now let me see, where are your files?” she began ruffling through a sheaf of papers on the desk and I watched her closely, interested to see what mine would reveal.
“Here,” she said finally, withdrawing a yellow folder from the pile and flicking it open. Her eyes scanned the sheet inside quickly, and a shocked look appeared on her face.
“What’s wrong?” I insisted trying to sit up but finding myself restrained by the cable attached to the hat. I fell backwards with a small thunk.
“Nothing,” she replied, snapping the folder shut. “We’re just going to need to run a few routine tests, not anything to worry about. She handed a mask to the women next to her who placed it over my face.
“Just relax,” they told me. “It will all be over soon.”
I had planned to do exactly the opposite; I wanted to know what it said in my file! But soon I found myself unable to resist the call of sleep and inwardly cursed their powerful anesthesia.
I drifted quickly into a deep sleep, my dreams appearing scrambled before my eyes. Mixed pictures floated in front of me, a bear, a bridge, a mountain. The only two I could make out clearly were the faces of two young men; one blonde and the other with matching hair and eyes of a deep coffee brown.
Yet they two were gone soon, their faces blurring in with the other pictures as I slept, none of them making any sense.
Talia’s face appeared too, her mouth shaping silent words I could not make out.
Beep. Beep. The constant noise was taunting me inside my head. The swimming images were fading out of focus, as if I were watching the TV with a bad reception. Still the noise continued, drowning out everything else. Maybe I was going mad.
I blinked open my bleary eyes and winced suddenly at the blinding light. I tried desperately to grasp hold of the images in my mind but they were vanishing quickly and in seconds it was as if they had never been there at all. Rubbing my face, I sat up sharply attempting to relieve the feeling of disorientation. But as I leant forward something pulled me back, the wire of the headset.
I threw it off and stood up quickly, shaking my head as all the blood rushed to it. Something didn’t feel right.
“Can I go?” I asked quickly to one of the women still stood by a monitor.
She nodded slowly, yet here eyes were wide and her mouth open as she gaped at me, not moving from her position. I didn’t stop to question her, instead I headed for the door and out into the passageway.
I reached the dormitory in a matter of minutes, following one of the other girls on her way back from the room next door. I had no idea how she knew the way, but I wasn’t going to complain. The room was empty, Talia was nowhere in sight.

I checked the room next door wondering if perhaps she had gone in to talk to anyone else, not knowing what time I would return. But she was nowhere to be seen. I spotted a girl sat on her bed, reading and realised that I recognised her from breakfast this morning. She had stopped to say hello to Talia and, with no other ideas I decided to talk to her.
“Have you seen Talia?” I called to her across the room, hanging at the door. She looked up instantly, an odd look appearing on her serious face.
“They came for her just after you left,” she said sadly. “They took her.”
“Took her where?” I demanded.
“Room three eight nine.”
I sank slowly down to the ground and placed my head in my hands. Room three eight nine. Talia’s words rang out like a bell in my mind, ‘those who go in never come out.’
Last edited by IcyFlame on Tue Sep 27, 2011 7:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.




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Hello, another chapter done :( Your make me depressed ;)

Why was it that everyone hear seemed to think I had some kind of gift?
^-- I think you mean here?

Magic was banned in the camp unless you were in one of the strict training rooms but I still spotted the occasional strange happening in the corridors;
I think you need to reword it, because I don't really understand it (Or that might just be me ;) )

Thats it, it was great what a surprise, aha. Not much help but oh well. :)

xx
In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't. -- Blaise Pascal




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Hey I absolutely love this story! It is very interesting and engaging, the creative outline and plot is great and there are even twists and turns that suprised me! There were a few grammer errors and words that didn't need to be in the story but if you go through and re-read the chapter you could easily pick out the errors. Overall great story, I'm in love with the story and I'm following the books site here on YWS, so keep up the great work and thanks for posting!
Peace,
Snickerdooly
"Characters cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." Helen Keller




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IcyFlame~!

Another amazing chapter! I found a few errors :-

Everyone seemed to joke about how ill The Creator’ ‘minions’ seemed to be and I had laughed along with them, never really understanding what they meant.

Shouldn't it be The Creator's minions?

Why was it that everyone hear seemed to think I had some kind of gift?

Here* (Just as Chealsea4827 had mentioned)

He too was stood outside the door and I pointed this out to Talia.

He too was stood? He too was standing.

I stared at the line of people waiting for their fate.

Hm... I'm not to sure about this. How about : I stared at the line of people desperately waiting to know where their fate lied? or : I stared at the line of people waiting to know their fate?

Even if you did run and hide somewhere you’d get found or lost

Commer after somewhere plus I suggest you re-frame the second half of this sentence.

“you’ll be fine Ashling.”

Capitalize "Y"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Other than that, everything is simply wonderful!
Every word of every sentence transformed into the scene. It was like watching a movie instead of reading a chapter online.
I love your storyline and your MC ^^ The powers part reminds me of X-men : Wolverine. xD

Good luck! I'm looking forward to the next two chapters!
(Gah, I hope Talia's fine! :3 )
If I were to have a super power, it would be to time-travel, so that I could turn back time, and erase your very existence.




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Hey, here for the review! Sorry it's taken me a little while.

H'okay, so once again this was a great chapter! I'm already attached to Talia, based off the short descriptions of her that you've given; it must be the big sister in me. I hope Ash finds a way to bust down that door and carry Talia out with guns blazing...well, I guess I'll find out when I read the next chapters. XD

Anyway, for the story itself there's very little for me to critique. I guess I'd like to have you show the settings and surroundings more than simply telling it through Ash's narrative; I'm finding a lot of things out after she observes them, instead of viewing them and then hearing what Ash's thoughts are. I hope that makes sense; basically, I don't want to hear about the scene after Ash has already viewed and processed it and is able to make a report to us, the readers. I want to be right there with her, seeing and hearing and sensing everything that she is. I want her to be the vessel through which these scenes are shown through, not the reporter back to us.

For example, the part with the line of children who have been called to room 389. You mention that she's seen it before, and then casually say that she recognizes one of the kids. Only until Talia's said that it's a horrific place do I finally get an inkling of its purpose; you show the sobbing children after the explanation. I think it'd be more actively interesting to show us first the screaming children, maybe have the two little girls be dragged in, and then switch to Ash's thoughts and feelings of horror at it, and then hear Talia's explanation of it.

That's really all I have to critique! I'm looking forward to reading the other chapters you've got posted. :D
There are two kinds of folks who sit around thinking about how to kill people:
psychopaths and mystery writers.

I'm the kind that pays better.
~Rick Castle



Maybe the real Mariah Carey was the friends we made along the way
— Ravena