A rose for you, my darling

A rose for you, my darling,
Its petals to make you smile.
All my love,
And all my care,
Can entertain you for a while.

A rose for you, my darling,
Its leaves to feel your touch.
All my wit,
And all my strength,
Do not account for much.

A rose for you, my darling,
Its stem to catch your eye.
All my faith,
And all my hope,
But you’ll just let me die.

A rose for you, my darling,
Its thorns to pierce your heart.
All my hate,
And all my pain,
Can do naught but smart.

Spoiler

I threw this together in about 10 minutes. Do your worst

Hello! Ok, so let's get started * cracks knuckles* - only joking...Right. I liked this piece. It was simple yet conveyed a message. On a scale of one to ten, six. That's pretty good. Your grammar seemed fine, and the poem was paced well. I didnt get any spark from the poem....it wasn't entusiastic and therefore didn't enthuse me! But seeming as you threw this together in 10 mins, I'll let you off. I don't think this is the kind of thing you can re-write and make it wonderful, because the concept of a Rose ect has been so abused and it just cliched. Sorry! The only nitpick I have is at the end of the poem, the final stanza, where you've penned some pretty cringe-worthy rhymes. Take a look:

Karzkin wrote:A rose for you, my darling,
Its thorns to pierce your heart.
All my hate,
And all my pain,
Can do naught but smart.

The build up to the last line was good, but the line itself was really dispointing. It seemed forced and made me wince. Sorry! Just my opinion.

If you have any questions or anything feel free to PM me. Keep writing!
~ Amelia

Amelia did an awesome job critiquing you, I can't really add anything else to it. But apart from what she said I didnt like how your rhyme scheme was ABCDB, or as I recall it was that since while im typing right now I cant look at the poem. There was too much pause between the rhyming lines. Two lines between is too much for me, by then I forgot the first part of the rhyme. Not all-together bad. I wasnt enthused either but the poem did have some emotion, so I'll be a little bit more generous 7/10. Keep Writing!

Thank you for your reviews!

Amelia, I agree, the last line is just terrible. But in my defence, I did write it in ten minutes at 3am However, I want to convey that all the narrator's hatred, pain, and anger, every bitter thought he has about the subject, can not really, truly hurt them. I will definitely try to correct this and write a less crappy rhyme

Ignatius, I sort of disagree. I can clearly see where you're coming from; you make a good point. I was trying to immitate (to a degree) the rhyming scheme of Swinburne's poem "a match". That was the intention, but obviously I haven't pulled it off too well :/

Thank you both again for your reviews!

I enjoyed this poem, it reminded me of all those movies that made me cry whenever one lover gets a broken heart </3. Amelia sure did a very good job at stating your mistakes and goals for next time, so I don't really know what else to say but to KEEP GOING! I want to see more of this heart and soul that you have, this poem is a very artistic piece

I liked this piece. It was very short but I liked how you used the rose to deliver your message.

Don't write rhyming poems. Too many lines become the same thing with slight differences and they stop being interesting.

Dickinson's poem "The Brain is Wider than the Sky", is one of few poems that can repeat structure but provide variety and interesting repetition.

Please avoid obvious rhyme though in the future.

I liked it, and I enjoyed the repeat of 'A rose for you, my darling' at the beginning of each stanza. It's rather a cliche' piece, but I didn't mind that fact too much. It was easy to read, and you didn't do bad on the rhymes except for the last...I liked the flow and pace of it. Good job!