O Humanity

I'm not sure where to put this... Go easy on me. It's me first poem. Wait, don't go easy on me. Let me feel the pain! Help me get over my fear of critiques. xD I know it's a jumbled up mess of thoughts...But, hey, atleast I'm posting somewhere other than the lounge.

O Humanity
How great you are
How you reach for the stars
O Humanity
These admirers, they admire
These conspirers, they conspire
O Humanity
How great you are

O Humanity
What will it take?
Will your stone heart ever break?
O Humanity
How far will you go?
Will you perhaps drag me in tow?
O Humanity
What will it take?

O Humanity
You are truly fake
I think of you and I ache
O Humanity

You are truly fake

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This poem contains my personal thoughts in a sort of chronological order.

WELL, first off it was really bad. NO JJ. silly, its a good poem, i think, but i dont do poetry that much. i thought it was cool.

I like it! The way you describe humanity matches my own thoughts on it -- I especially like the lines "O Humanity / How great you are / How you reach for the stars" in the beginning. Reminds me of how people are always striving to go higher in life.

If this is your first poem, I can't wait to see the others you come up with!

Thanks for the comments! Much appreciated. Yeah, it's basically my first poem. I'm not really a poet; I just felt like taking a shot at it.

Not bad, not bad. It reminds me of some of the psalms. After all, it has lots of repetition. And repetition ain't necessarily bad.

Just remember: rhyming is not required for poetry. Metering is. So as long as you make it sound and look pretty, it will be pretty.

Good first try! Keep it up.

All is good. Okay, almost all is good. Just one thing: I thought your message came across loud and clear, with good, strong statements, except for one:

You are truly fake
I think of you and I ache

This just seemed a little weak to me. True, I understand exactly what you mean, but maybe there is a better, more concise way to state this.

I look forward to reading more of your poems!

O Humanity
These admirers, they admire
These conspirers, they conspire

I was reading this and thought, "Oh no... this won't work.. Admirers... admire..." but to my surprise it did. Saved by the conspiracists.

How far will you go?
Will you perhaps drag me in tow?

You are truly fake
I think of you and I ache

These lines felt a bit forced? Just my opinion.


Anyway, it was good. :thumb: Keep at it.

Doubt wrote:

O Humanity
These admirers, they admire
These conspirers, they conspire

I was reading this and thought, "Oh no... this won't work.. Admirers... admire..." but to my surprise it did. Saved by the conspiracists.

How far will you go?
Will you perhaps drag me in tow?

You are truly fake
I think of you and I ache

These lines felt a bit forced? Just my opinion.


Anyway, it was good. :thumb: Keep at it.

My thoughts exactly. I read the "Admirers admire" part and I thought, "Uh oh," but the second line with the conspirators conspiring...yeah, that made it work. :thumb: Nice job.

Argh. Rhyming poetry is harder than I thought. It's kinda difficult thinking of words that both rhyme, flow, and are on "the same level" as the other words. I'll keep thinking. Thanks for all the help, folks.