Gossamer and Steel

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If only my mother were a stronger person,
If she possessed that wildfire instinct
That would let her say, “No,” and mean it,
If the luminescent stars on my ceiling
Would hear my wishes,
And grant them, just once,
If my father were half as great
As his hypocrisy allows him to believe,
If I could jump through that
Picture frame time portal
And link hands with my
Debonair courtier,
Perhaps things would be better.

Perhaps I wouldn’t count my flaws in
One hundred thousand different ways,
And perhaps I’d smile in the mirror,
Removing my magnifying lenses.
Perhaps the numbers I detest the most
Wouldn’t become the binary of my shadows,
And perhaps my inner editor
Would stick to stories and not to life.

But dreams are made of
Gossamer and steel, and
I have not the courage
To wield both.
Love and Light




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The first stanza is a little strange. I would seperate out the people or give them more descriptions.

Also, I would rather see the line "gossamer steel dreams" because it seems to flow a little bit better for me.

My two cents anyway...
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D




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Yeah, I JUST wrote this tonight for my homework assignment, lol. Your two cents are appreciated - I'm trying to decide if I should workshop this at school and I'd like to fix it up before then. I'll see what I can do. :)
Love and Light




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"Binary of my shadows." Awesome. I enjoyed this, and I like the way youn use words. Your selection of words I would disagree with at times. This poem would benefit froma bit more mystique, which is achieved in part by using imagery. And adjectives are not always necessary. Stars do not have to be called luminescent. Otherwise, they're not really stars. If they did not shine, then we would have to describe them.



Remember, a stranger once told you that the breeze here is something worth writing poems about.
— Shinji Moon