Too late

Hi there!

I really liked your poem! It had a lot of emotion and detail, which is good, but are you talking in his or her's point of view?

I'll just write my thoughts beside the lines:

I'm walking through these empty halls Good that you put a setting.
filled with memories of you
surrounded by a silent darkness Nice detail of the setting.
your feelings break through

And I feel your pain
I feel your tears stream down on my face Very descriptive.
but it's too late

Now you're gone

Which point of view are you writing in? That's my only question! It confuses me. People can imagine this poem as the female's point of view or the male's opint of view. Be careful of the point of view you're using, and make it clear to everyone in your poem. Overall, I liked your poem! Great job and keep it up!

- gleek456 <3

Qara, I found another piece of yours! I love these short, sweet poems of yours

I'm walking through these empty halls,
filled with memories of you,
Surrounded by a silent darkness,
your feelings break through.

And I feel your pain I suggest you scratch the "And"
I feel your tears,
stream down on my face. I'd divide this line into two, like this, and then scratch the "on"
But it's too late,

Now you're gone.

So I made some edits/suggestions above in bold but other than the structural and grammatic stuff I couldn't find anything to complain about. The content of this is really good, amazing story told!

* Good flow
* Good content
* Okay descriptions and imagery
* Nice end line

I'll reward you with... 4½/5 icky sticky spiders. With punctuation and a few edits I'll send you the other half too xD

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

Hi there!

All right, my comments are below in bold.

I'm walking through these empty halls
filled with memories of you This sentence really sets the tone of the poem.
surrounded by a silent darkness
your feelings break through Great use of imagery in these last two lines!

And I feel your pain
I feel your tears stream down on my face Is that even possible? I guess it's supposed to be a metaphor or something along those lines, right?
but it's too late

Now you're gone

I enjoyed this poem. You packed a lot of emotion and story into a small amount of space, good job! I do have one nitpick though, I wanted to know what happened to this person the narrator is thinking of. Did they just break up after dating for a few years? Did their best friend just move to a far away place? Did someone die? If someone died, was it a close relative, a close friend, a teacher? You left me with a lot of questions.

Overall I enjoyed reading this. Keep writing!

I'm walking through these empty hallsAre you at school? And if so, why is it empty?
filled with memories of youokay, good start.
surrounded by a silent darkness
your feelings break through But, if you're alone how can you feel her/his feelings? I think you are missing something between "darkness" and this line. We're missing part of the story, and it is your job as the writer to give us that story, or at least give us enough to be able to create out own story using your guidelines.

And I feel your painWhy do you feel the other person's pain? Especially if they aren't even there.
I feel your tears stream down on my face I know some people already commented on this, but seriously, how can someone else's tears run down your face?? Or are you crying their tears for them? Make it more clear and easy to understand, please!
but it's too lateToo late for what? And why is it too late? Actually, what is too late? This line needs some more evidence to back it up. If that makes any sense.

Now you're goneVery simple ending.

Okay, this poem wasn't bad, but I bet you could do better. I challenge you to sit down and figure out what your story is. How does this all relate? Define your character, add emotion, make it personal. I hope I didn't tear this apart too much, it was pretty good, it just needs some work. Write, write, write!