Too late

I'm walking through these empty halls
filled with memories of you
surrounded by a silent darkness
your feelings break through

And I feel your pain
I feel your tears stream down on my face
but it's too late

Now you're gone

This is kind of confusing. How are you feeling his/her tears? And you had a small problem with capatalization. Also, try saying "Now you're gone" instead of "you're gone now" it makes the poem flow easier. Other than that, good job. Keep writing.

I'm a little confused by this, but here's my comments!

I'm walking through these empty halls
filled with memories of you
surrounded by a silent darkness Love this!
your feelings break through Not sure what you mean

And I feel your pain
I feel your tears stream down on my face You feel the sorrow of the other person? Like you want them to be back?
but it's too late

You're gone now

Now you're gone

would sound better

Brilliant! Keep writing!

First off... Go Team Bamboozle. Second, great poem! A few helpful hints, though...

First, is punctuation!

I'm walking through these empty halls comma,
filled with memories of you comma,
surrounded by a silent darkness comma,
your feelings break through period.

And I feel your pain I suggest: I feel your pain comma,
I feel your tears stream down on my face With your tears streaming down on my face period.
but it's too late comma,

You're gone now period.

Next, capitalization!

You capitalized the first letter in lines 1, 2, and 4 of the second stanza, along with the line 1 in the first stanza. Why is that? Lets make it flow, shall we? I've seen every line is capital, every line is lower, or base it on when you use periods. Any would work, but it needs to be even, okay? I suggest, (if you went with my punctuation help) capitalize first word of first stanza. Also, capitalize the first word of the second stanza in lines 1 and 3.

I realized that I didn't make this clear before, but a good idea would be to move the very last line in with the second stanza. That would make more sense, so I'm guessing that you accidentally hit enter.

This is a really good poem. I suggest beefing it up with more stanzas. Another idea is more feeling, I want to understand what is running through your head by only reading this poem. I didn't quite get that from you. Give a little more info and a little less mystery. Cliff hangers are good but I need to know more in this poem so I'm not lost in a room full of mirrors.

This is an excellent poem! Can't wait to see more poems from you!

~Fortiiii(:

Okay, I found this poem a tad confusing. I think it may have had something to do with this line:

garalynn wrote:I feel your tears stream down my face

It took me awhile to somehow figure out how it fits into the poem. I think that you need to explain it a bit more. I had to read it about four times to somehow understand that line. Maybe say put an extra stanza there to explain the pain that the character, who's pain the narrator felt, went through. It'd make it easier for people to understand. At the moment the poem seemed very vague and I feel as though there is an explanation behind it all. So, expanding the poem and explaining stuff a bit more wouldn't hurt.

Also, I noticed some tense mix up.

qaralynn wrote:I'm walking through these empty halls
filled with memories of you
surrounded by a silent darkness
your feelings break through

You have 'walking' there, which is present tense then you have 'surrounded' and 'filled', which is past tense. I think that you're meant to do it on the present tense, since you wrote the second stanza in present tense. I'd suggest that you play around with the wording a bit since, "filling with memories of you" doesn't exactly make sense. What about "Memories of you fills my mind." Or something like it.

But overall, not bad.

Hello there, Fellow Bamboozler. :3

The poem was good but there were problems which need to be solved. like the unrelated stanzas. And especially the punctuations. They are very important for a poem to sound good to the reader and if a poem doesn't sound good then the reader would lose interest. I have some nitpicks for you.

qaralynn wrote:I'm walking through these empty halls
filled with memories of you
surrounded by a silent darkness
your feelings break through

The starting was good but it would sound better if it is like this: I walk through these empty halls. I think that it would sound better but it is up to you to decide as it is your poem. But the lack of punctuations makes the stanza look awkward and sound awkward too. The last line does not fit with the rest of the stanza. Doesn’t make sense. Other than that, everything was good.

qaralynn wrote:And I feel your pain
I feel your tears stream down on my face
but it's too late

The above stanza and this stanza are not at all related. It seems as if it were different parts of two different poems. You need to explain a bit more for the reader to know what you exactly want to convey through your poem. And the second line in this stanza is a bit too long. It doesn’t fit with the other lines which are comparatively way smaller than it.

The ending was a bit convincing. All in all it was a good poem which needs a bit of fixing and I know you can do it.
I hope my review helps. If you have any queries just let me know.
Keep writing.

i like the poem.. but the only thing is, i would add more and express how u feel more, anddon't jump from u to him to u... let your voice shine through ( sorry if i'm being alittle too rude about, just trying to be honested)
keep writting
~klemieux51

Hello Bamboozler ^_^

I really liked this poem, even though it's short, and has a few problems (which can easily be fixed ) I thought that the faint imagery and emotion really came through, and gave me a sort of cold-but-warm feeling.

Nitpicks:

I'm walking through these empty halls,
filled with memories of you.
Surrounded by a silent darkness <3 this line
your feelings break through this line has been mentioned quite a bit, I get what you're trying to say, but it isn't really coming through, maybe add 'as' at the start? (also, add a full stop at the end)

Now I feel your pain
I feel your tears stream down on my face get rid of 'on'
but it's too late

Now you're gone

(as a note, I didn't do the commas ect on the second stanza, because other reviewers have already pointed it out)

Fix it up and it'll be great

What I'd really like to see though, is for you to expand on this, I think it has so much potential and you could explain what is going on to the reader.

Keep up the writing!

~Tinkem

Hi! I like this, and I love the idea of someone else's tears on your face as if part of them lives on in you. That's great. But I think we need a little more detail, like who the person is and their relation to you/the narrator, or even just what halls you're walking down - school halls, or something else? I like it, and it has plenty of emotion, but I'd love for it to be a bit longer and more detailed.

I feel your tears stream down my face

(I took out the 'on' that was in here)
This is a really great poem. The emotion is wonderful and the flow is great too. All you need is punctuation and it'll be perfect.

Keep writing,
Alzora

Hi, firstly I liked the poem and secondly I will only comment on the content rather than grammar, as that is something I am sure you will be able to do on your own time. I liked the first part of the poem because I could actually connect to it and understand the way the poet felt, however I find the last part of the first stanza confusing:

your feelings break through

I don't really understand how that can happen as from my understanding, the person you are talking about is gone, what would make more sense to me is for you to express "your" feelings since you are writing the poem.
Regarding the second part of the poem, it is confusing because you cannot feel someone's pain or tears if she/he is gone. I really like the last part of the second stanza:

but it's too late

It goes straight to the point, from that one sentence I can understand how the poet is actually suffering.

I believe that this poem has good content and emotion, the length of it is not really important because someone can express something even in one sentence. My only advice is for you to clarify your sentences. Good luck

I'm walking through these empty halls,
Ffilled with memories of you,
Ssurrounded by a silent darkness
Yyour feelings break through.

And I feel your pain
I feel your tears stream down on my face You could take away the 'I feel'. It would make it more powerful sounding, I think.
but it's too late.

Now you're gone. I think you should take out the 'now' so it would just be 'You're gone.' but that's just me. I think it would sound better.

I really like this. It's powerful and sad and heartbreaking. Keep writing!
Sierra

The line "your feelings break through" is too short to flow with the rest of your stanza, in my opinion. In fact, the entire poem is too short to evoke much emotion at all. Is the person dead? How did you know them? What kinds of feelingsdid you have when they died? Show, don't tell. Oh, and one more thing...what are you too late for? Why are their tears on your face? Okay, that's two things, but this left me with a lot of questions. xD

Hope I helped! A bit.
>>Annie<<

Well done, I can't find anything wrong, at all. I felt the emotion in it. Loved it! Keep Writing!

Hmm... I feel kinda lukewarm about this poem. I liked it, it was short, sweet and expressed deep emotion, but something confused me.

How did you feel the other persons tears on your face? Do you mean by their sadness?

And I think maybe you could've made it longer. I wondered what drove the person away, or where they went. Did they die? Or just leave?

Not one of your best poems, but not one of your worst. Lukewarm...

Deanie x