Sincerely, Brain

I came here to tear apart you dreams help you nicely, and I can't find anything wrong. cept for:

is this how real love feels? I think it would be better as is this how love feels?

Other than that, Nothing. Congrats.

~Pointe

Heyy! Here for an edit!
Blue = comment
Red = edit

Dear Heart,
I told you.
I warned you.
I even begged you.
To stop,
To stay,
To wait.
You didn't.
Now look what's happened. --> what's could be changed to what

Broken, --> try a more creative word, broken is always associated with the heart. Maybe try demolished?
Shattered, --> also not a very origional word. Maybe impared or destroyed?
In a swift steady motion.
A wretched mess.
You said this time it was real
But is this how real love feels? --> start this line out with "but"
Like acidic anguish and alkaline toil?
Next time LISTEN! --> Exclamation!!
And save us both some pain.
I hope you've learnt your lesson. --> I think this should be learned instead of learnt, it sounds better to my ear
Sincerely, Brain.

This was a great poem! I loved it, it was very cute and the last rhyme made me laugh! It is great how you took such a deep topic and turned it into something funny that a lot of people can relate to! Keep writing!

-Jessa

WOW. This was a cute and humerous way to potray heartbreak. Usually, poems on this topic are very dark and heavy...this was exactly the opposite and gave me a fresh perspective! Great job!!!

GENIUS GENIUS GENIUS! I could not praise this poem enough for it's creative and true words! Let me see....

Broken,
Shattered,
In a swift steady motion.
A wretched mess.
You said this time it was real
Is this how real love feels?

This is an incredibly powerful phrase that really speaks to the pain of having your heart broken. I've been crushed like this many a time in my life, so I sympathize infinitely with it. I love this poem so much, because it's a perfect image of the brain and heart conflicting, which I am also very familiar with.

'Acidic agony and alkaline toil.' Who could have said it any better? Just this one phrase may be the most unique that I've read in a long, long time. It's got the sense of the heart hurting emotionally, and even physically. I think this is a very well written metaphor, for an incredible poem.

Nothing bad to say about it, just keep on spreading around the wonderful imagery! 'Next time, LISTEN, and save us both some pain.' WOW! Well, if you ever need another review or kind word, there's only a short PM standing between us!
- SOCKS

I thought this was cute! Very funny and comedic. Great work!!!! Happy writing!!

I love this poem, especially the nice little rhyme at the end, and this poem makes a lot of sense to a lot of us! keep up the good work!

This is totally brilliant! Amazing! I can't say anything else! The title is catchy by the way.

I've only one nitpick:

Next time LISTEN

- You should put a comma after 'time' here.

Other than that, it's perfect! It's just quick and short and very interesting and entertaining to read. Anyway, may I request something? Will you make a 'Sincerely, Heart' poem? xD This concept of yours is just great. The wording and the little rhyme at the end is nice. The emotion (of the brain xD) is well laid out. The few bits of imagery is also enough.

Amazing job!

Never stop writing!

Ola everyone!

WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW, WWWOOOOWWWW! This is insane! I haven't been here in a couple of days so I didn't even realise my poem was featured. I feel so proud! Thank you!

I've read all your comments and I just want to say thank you for all the positivity and constructive criticism. I appreciate it a lot. I love how you've all welcomed me into the YWS. I will definitely adopt your contributions and put up revised versions. Thanks again.

Nafe X

That was awesome! it's a new approach at expressing frustration. how DO we know what love is? If only we really could write a letter to our hearts from our minds.
Sometimes the hardest part of life is deciding whether to listen to our brains or our hearts. This was a nice way of conveying a feeling of confusion, of wishing for an obvious answer and an escape from heartbreak.

Ohmigee! I loved this, very very much. It was flawless and I've recently experienced something to this degree where I was just really angry at myself. But thank you so much, for putting what I've been feeling and what others have felt into words. It was quite lovely and I hope to read more. =]

Good job and very well written keep it up!

~FW~

Hey! Great job on the poem...I loved it! This poem is totally relatable, and it is very well-written. The only things I would change have already been mentioned...over all I really really really loved it! Muy Bueno!
-jilly-

Hey there!

I saw that this was featured so I thought I'd take a gander. And I'm glad I did.

Like others have said in previous reviews, this is so simple yet brilliant!

It makes complete sense and, if our hearts could actually talk to our brains, this would probably be something along the lines of what would be said.

It's true that, in love, we have to choose whether to listen to our head (brain) or our hearts. And in this case you've chosen to have had the character listen to their heart, which I think is probably the case most of the time.

Going back to the poem, because I'm a sucker for going off topic, I loved the way it was humourous yet serious at the same time. You got the balance just right.

I'm going to stop blabbering on now and say congrats on writing a lovely poem!

xDudettex

I really like how you embodied how the heart's reasoning and the mind's reasoning rarely line up. Usually very true. The mind is also more likely (I think) to be cautious, conservative, and withdrawn, while the heart is bold, reckless, and fairly emotional.... Obviously. I enjoyed the format and just the simple idea of the poem. Well writ, I must say.

Oh my, this is so cool! I love the quick lines. The only thing I'm not sure about is the separation of two stanzas. Maybe you could add a space, too, between the dear and the sincerely like in a real letter.

Like this:

Spoiler

Dear Heart,
<I meant here>
I told you.
I warned you.
I even begged you.
To stop,
To stay,
To wait.
You didn't.
Now look what's happened.

Broken,
Shattered,
In a swift steady motion.
A wretched mess.
You said this time it was real
Is this how real love feels?
Like acidic anguish and alkaline toil?
Next time LISTEN
And save us both some pain.
I hope you've learnt your lesson.
<And here>
Sincerely, Brain.

But those are just suggestions. If you wanna keep it that way, keep it. xD

This line:

Next time LISTEN

Is my fave, probably. It speaks the thing. It got me laughing, too somehow. It was like, "Listen, kay? You..."

All in all, love this. Keep up the great work!

Jash ♥