Sincerely, Brain

Removed as I want this account deleted.

I love this. It's kind of humorous, but it also shows alot of emotion. I can't find anything wrong with it. Good job [:

Good poem! It taught me that learnt is a word as well!

I like this poem, it's short and sweet and gets right to the point. I can see your hurt and emotion. Also, I like how you set it out as a letter.

NafeCT wrote:Dear Heart,
I told you.
I warned you.
I even begged you.
To stop,
To stay,
To wait.
You didn't.
Now look what's happened.
Brilliant stanza, can't find anything wrong with it.

Broken,
Shattered,
In a swift, steady motion. Needs comma there.
A wretched mess.
You said this time it was real
Is this how real love feels? I think that 'Is this how love really feels?' have a smoother flow, but that seemed a bit cliched. However, I do think that this line doesn't flow as well as the others.
Like acidic anguish and alkaline toil?
Next time LISTEN
And save us both some pain.
I hope you've learnt your lesson.
Sincerely, Brain.

Asides from those tiny nitpicks; well done on the poem. Keep writing!

Hi there. Lavvi in to review for you again.

I found it really appealing that the poem was sort of a letter from the brain to the heart. Interesting and unlike anything I've recently read. There was good rhythm, thankfully, except for one part:

Is this how real love feels?

I feel like there's something missing here, but I'm not quite sure what it is that's missing. Perhaps a syllable or two? It's a shame, because the poem was going really well until this point. After is good, but this line stumbles a bit therefore affecting the whole other part of the poem.

Also, in regards to the all-caps "listen", I think you should remove the caps and simply underline it. It makes for a better poetry structure as well as emphasizing the word in the way you want to. Italics also works, but not bold or caps.

Yours,
Lavvi

Dear Heart,
I told you. comma
I warned you.
I even begged you.
To stop,
To stay,
To wait.
You didn't.
Now look what's happened.

Broken,
Shattered, shattered is a bit cliche
In a swift steady motion.
A wretched mess.
You said this time it was real
Is this how real love feels?
Like acidic anguish and alkaline toil?
Next time LISTENexclamation
And save us both some pain.comma
I hope you've learnt your lesson.
Sincerely, Brain. Aww i love this rhyme at the end, just lovely

The title of this poem drew me to it, and I was not disappointed! I love how sort of humorous this is, though still with a touch of sincerity, and I thought this was adorable:

"Next time LISTEN
And save us both some pain.
I hope you've learnt your lesson.
Sincerely, Brain."

Best part of the poem, and a perfect ending. It flows really nicely. Though I would favour highlighting a word with italics rather than capitals, but that's just me. I also kind of thought that part of the first stanza was kind of just a list of words - "to stop, to stay, to wait" - so maybe a little more description up there would be good. But I really like this, it's very original and cute!

This is so cute! I love the idea of the brain communicating with the heart in the form of a letter, very creative. I also really liked how the first stanza was made up of somewhat simple wording and the second had more adjectives et cetera.

I think everyone else has pointed out the things that need correcting (or not, really it's your poem so it's your decision). Thanks for sharing this it was a delight to read! Keep it up.

I LOVED this. It was comedic, in a way, but also made sense. It twas awesome.

Hi Nafe. I just had to post a comment just to say this is brilliant! It shows what normaly happens when we fall in love: Heart vs Brain. Awesome! You're a great writer!

~Solvy <3

Wow, I really loved this

It was amazing how you could portray sincere emotion, yet make it humourous at the same time ^_^

pffflee this is such a terrible review, but that's all I can realy say - plus I'm really tired *hehe* - but well, I loved the creativity, I wrote a letter to my Inspiration, but I've never considered a letter to myself of sorts, very imaginitive! I also loved the format, and how the words were simple but brang a lot of meaning.

As for the caps thing, I agree with Lavvi, it should be underlined, capatilizing it makes you sound desperate to show that that this is something to be shouted.

Keep up the writing!

~Tinkem

Love it... LOve it... LOVe it... LOVE it... LOVE It... LOVE IT! It was brill. I think it is quiet humorouss but realistic at the same time. I really loved it. Esspecially the part where it says about saving us both the pain and about how the heart told you it really was real this time. It sounds like the kind of thing I would like to read more often. Do you have any more like this?

Keep writing- good luck
JJxVoodo

Well done!!!!! My favote part is the last four lines. I made a poem kinda like this only it wasnt a letter. This actually reminds me of a site. Dearblankpleaseblank.com. you should check it out sometime you would love it. Congratulationz on the featuring. Now i need some sleep. Night! And keep writing!

this poem was very sweet and nice.. I really did like it.. Using this theme of being broken after love was very well decided... Something natural and something one can easily relate too.. Good work..
Harshita:)

I know this already has a lot of reviews (duh, it's featured, so that's kinda a given) but..................................

I LOVE THIS. Seriously, I think everyone can relate to this.

I know that my heart always wants to leap ahead, to love anyone and everyone, to warmly embrace everyone around me--but my brain knows better. My brain knows the pain of rejection, and what will happen if I don't keep my heart in check.

Unfortunately, I don't think this is a lesson that can be learned any way other than the hard way, especially in today's society. Think about it-- there's pressure to date, to have sex, to get married before you're too old to have kids. And I think it's human nature to love first and ask questions later-- it's just how we work. You don't get this experience without becoming at least a little jaded, in my experience.

So, good job. I think that you have managed to put into a poem something that everyone knows, though few listen to it, and some don't even know it yet. It's a hard lesson, but one most of us have to learn.

I don't really see how it's humorous, though. I mean, I guess other people think the brain talking to the heart is humorous, yeah, but...... to me, I just feel the heartrending emotion behind this. It's simplistically beautiful. (I think that's why people love it so much-- everyone can relate here, and it's well-written.)

And don't listen to those people who say parts are cliche. A little cliche is good sometimes, especially in matters of the heart.

I do, however, think that love can be just as painful as rejection sometimes, because of everything you have to go through to make a relationship work-- or maybe that why rejection hurts so much. It's because we love so much. We have such a great capacity to love.

I want to say "I especially liked this part" (insert quote here). But I loved all of it. It was wonderful.

At any rate, I hope at least part of this review was helpful and/or encouraging/ to you, because I was really trying to write a really long review and still keep it meaningful. Thanks for putting this up.