Hate

Ah, yeah, punctuation does make things very different. I'm glad you can make that choice by yourself though. That's great. I'm so proud of you for being strong. Just keep going through life just the way you are. You'll get through every hard time!

Hi. O.K. so lets get right to reviewing. Note: I haven't read the other reviews so sorry if I repeat things.

The first thing that I noticed is that you don't seem to now the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. 'Your' is basically a word that means of our relating to you. It is your book, your body. It is yours; you own it. 'You're' is basically 'you are' in one word. So for example when you say

You dump all
You're problems
On you're friends

You don't mean:

You dump all
You are problems
On you are friends

You mean to say:

You dump all
Your problems
On your friends

I really like this poem because I can relate to it so much. But the poem itself feels a bit sloppy. I know it is free-verse and in free-verse you are supposed to just let our your emotions, but all poetry should have rhythm and I feel as if yours is off a little bit. For example you say:

Do you know
How it feels?
To hate
Yourself
You mess
Everything up
You care all to much

Because the lines are so short in this it reads choppy and disconnected. If I were you, to make things smoother I would edit it so it read like this:

Do you know how it feels?
To hate yourself
You mess everything up
You care all to much

Do you see what I mean?

This poem also seems to ramble a bit. You may want to focus yourself more. But, besides that I love this. I can't wait to see more work from you!

I hope I helped,

A. S.

Flow here and I'm going to try and give you a decent review today. I haven't attempted in a while so bare with me.

First of all, this has nothing to do with the poem, when someone reviews your work on here, and you want to comment on it, it's better to do it on their page. Just leave a note on their wall. That way on here when you are trying to read comments it's not crowded. Also not many people come back to see what you have said.

Back to the poem now. To be honest it seems like a very long cliché rant. I was enjoying it at the very beginning and the end as well was very strong, but in the middle you lost me. I can relate to every emotion that you are portraying here but while writing it you have to put the emotion in it. Just because I can relate doesn't mean that everyone can relate. You have to give them reason to feel what you are feeling. You can't just throw in common words with overused topics to get people's attention.

I think in this you need some more colorful descriptions and adjectives. You read this, like I said before, a rant. If you add some descriptions in this it would seem less like the normal I hate myself emo poem. I'm sure they have help topics on this somewhere. It has taken me years to make a decent poem and most of mine still suck ha.

Ok. Punctuation was quite the controversy here. You said you went with now using hardly any and I understand this quite well. The thing is, when you used it, it was wrong. You have the first line punctuated as a question, but the whole poem is a question. I think adding some commas here and there might help you because with the the question mark at the beginning it seems jumbled. I would take out the first question mark and put it at the end of your (what should be) first stanza. (I'll give an example later on)

In the very very part of the poem you use the word you a good deal. I don't think that it flows with the very first two lines. You have a flow going after that but everything has to fit together. After hate yourself it breaks and then again when you start talking about your friends. I would consider changing this to stanza's so that you can read it better. When you don't have stanza's you expect the flow to fit like a puzzle piece in a puzzle. Break the poem up where you flow breaks. It still needs to flow, but that might help a little. Otherwise things will need to be reworded.

In one part of this you put HER in all caps. I don't find this needed here. I think it would look better if you just put it in quotes "her" or italics would look even better than that. You have some words put on one line alone. Sometimes this works, and yet again sometimes it looks choppy. I'm surprised it didn't get commented on. It's totally up to you where to keep it that way or not. I didn't really notice it messing things up, so that's a good sign.

Last but now least the last two lines of the poem. In the very beginning you had the last two lines in one line. It wasn't separated and if you are going to separate it do it in the beginning. If your going to use repetition keep it the same.

Other than that I like this I feel you pain because that is how I feel about myself. You would be surprised how well I can relate to you. Nobody understands why I feel the way I do especially my boyfriend, I just do. I to know it's true but it's just something that I will deal with for the rest of my life. There is always a story behind our feelings and I know you have one to. If you ever need or want to talk about it I'm here for you. I'm here as a person who understands. I'm not going to be the person that tries to make you feel better about yourself, I'm the person that listens and understands.

Don't think I was being mean about reviewing your poem. I saw that your new and I know how it feels. I know I probably sounded harsh but I'm just trying to help. If you need any help with anything please do let me know.

-Flow-